This was a stream of consciousness I wrote starting with the word "Pain". I wrote it out in less then 5 minutes.
PAIN. Feel the pain. Experience the pain. Touch the pain. We all have pain. Where is it? What is it? What is the pain? Get in touch with the pain. Rudy trying to ram his cock up my ass. That was pain, physical pain. He was too big. I was too small. Didnít matter. Try, try, try. Push, push, push. It seemed that he would not give up. Finally, slipped between my legs. ďAm I in? Am I in?Ē Yeah your in. Fooled him again. Less pain. Less physical pain. Pain in my head. Iím bad. Iím bad. Iím a very bad boy. This is not good. This is very bad. I am very bad. This is a pain I can store in my stomach. Way down deep. I donít need to feel it anymore until he tries to fuck me again and again. Lick it, lick it. More pain. It stinks. It burns. It burns my tongue. Why does it burn? This is disgusting. He is disgusting. I am disgusting. I am a very bad boy. Punch me in the stomach. I cannot breathe. Pain. ď Donít say anything!Ē Punch. Ah,ah,ah. I canít breathe. Leave me laying there. ďMaybe we can play again another time.Ē Pain.
Donít talk. Donít say a word. Keep it in. A different pain. Go to school. Stare into space. Be a good boy. I am a very good, very bad boy. I am the best bad boy. I can be the very best behaved bad boy at school. Maybe then no one will know that I am the most bad boy that does the very worst bad things. Does it show? Does it Show? I donít think so.
More Rudy. More school. More family. More pain. More Rudy, More school, More family. More pain. More Rudy. More school. Reading group. The yellow group. ďLets see how quietly you boys and girls can go back to your desks. Iíll close my eyes and you walk as quietly as you can. Good boys and girls.Ē Rudy, school, family, pain! Rudy, school, family, pain! STOMP, STOMP, CRASH, STOMP! Rudy, school, family, pain! STOMP, STOMP, CRASH, STOMP! After school. ďStand there in the closet. I must go to a meeting.Ē I am a bad boy, a very bad boy, but I will stay in the closet because I am the very best bad boy in the school. Stay in the closet. Peak out the door. Hello janitor. ďWhere is your teacher?Ē Donít ask me. I donít talk. Stay in the closet. Feel the pain. Peak out the door. Back in the closet. Peak out the door. Back in the closet. Feel the pain. Peak out the door. Darkness is coming. Look out the window. Mother is coming. I did as I was told. I stayed in the closet all afternoon. Teacher forgot me. What did I learn? Be quiet. Donít make noise. Donít stomp your feet. Donít feel the pain.