Here we go again!!! In the 3 years that I lived around St. Paul and its suburbs, and drove semis all around Minnesota, Wisconsin, and down to Chicago and back every other day, my observation was that plenty of the rural people outlying the Twin Cities urban area tended toward narrow-mindedness and intolerance. They just didn't seem to like anyone who occupied space outside of their narrow cultural norms. When I got out of the cab of a semi wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt, standing 6'5" and weighing 300 lbs, most of them seemed to respect me no questions asked.
It is almost hard to believe that you are having this much problem with the social crowd where you live. 24 years ago, I got called gay mainly because I had a long history of hanging around the guys living a life devoid of normal hetero relationships. It got said at a big Summer party with lots of people that I knew there, it hurt a lot because what I had really been doing was avoiding intimacy and sex because of my victimization, and it drove me into my first attempt at therapy. You, on the other hand, have a girlfriend.
Is addressing yourself the same as presenting yourself? Are you talking about how others perceive you? There is such a thing as acting, if it bothers you to get called names you have a couple of choices. You can either do something to alter other people's perceptions of you, perhaps put on an act, or you can find a new crowd to hang around, hopefully a crowd that is somewhat more tolerant of people who do not exactly fit a narrow mold.
I have a question though: What does "act gay" mean to you??? Does that statement mean something derogatory to you? Does the phrase "trailer-trash" mean something derogatory to you, or does it make you laugh??? Can you see how someone using the "N" word in a hurtful manner would have the potential to hurt people, maybe even make people angry, even people who the word wasn't directed at??? Fact of the matter, the way that I see it, if someone is a citizen of this country, or even a legal alien, calling them derogatory names because of their race, color, creed, religion, or sexual preference, perhaps even economic standing or choice of neighborhood, is just designed to put them down, hurt them, and discriminate against them. So it is quite difficult to discuss the derogatory words that have been used against you by your narrow-minded social crowd, without possibly inflaming tensions among the sensitive minority gay crowd, not only here on the site. Fact is, there are gay truckers, bikers, construction workers, pro wrestlers, football linemen, and whatnot who are as tough as anyone that you will ever meet, and there are effeminate totally straight guys who you will meet too. How you look or how you carry yourself has nothing to do with your sexual preference.
I'm thinking that a more-tolerant, less narrow-minded environment would be a better place for you. That way we wouldn't keep having to discuss this issue, an issue that has the potential to hurt innocent bystanders and inflame tensions. Metro Denver has plenty of pool halls, pool leagues, and pool tournaments, and it is a much more tolerant area than rural Wisconsin tends to be.
Just my two cents,
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark