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#320485 - 01/28/10 02:30 PM what it means to be alone
Brett Jay Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 31
Loc: Minnesota
I am reading Barbara Kingsolver's The Lacuna. So far, it's about a gay kid growing up in Mexico during the 20s-30s. One passage hit me personally.

"This is what it means to be alone: Everyone is connected to everyone else. Their bodies are a bright liquid light flowing around you, sharing a single heart that drives them to move all together. If the shark comes they will all escape, and leave you to be eaten."


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#320491 - 01/28/10 03:10 PM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: Brett Jay]
duncanUK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/06
Posts: 632
Hello Brett

You are not alone. you are connected to us and we are connected to you. if that shark comes we will be there always and never leave you.

hope this helps. be well.

Duncan

_________________________
you dont see me. i am not really here. Its my fault.. all of it. I am to blame and no one else.

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#320492 - 01/28/10 03:12 PM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: Brett Jay]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Hi Brett Jay,

I think we survivors are often lonely people. We humans really don't do well alone. I heard the other day that lonliness is a survival message letting you know you must be closely connected to others. Else, ... you get eaten by the sharks.

Allan

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#320509 - 01/28/10 07:21 PM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: LandOfShadow]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 728
Loc: United States
I've found in the past that my sense of aloneness can be rooted in my sense of differentness, that sense of being apart from others (whether we are really so very different from everyone else or not).

Sometimes the aloneness can be more about how we view ourselves than how we really are. I know that disassociation creates or magnifies that feeling for me.

I think when we feel alone, we believe that everyone else mustn't feel that way. The quote certainly communicates that sense to me.

What surprises me is how talking to people who don't have a history of CSA reveals them expressing exactly the same feelings. We are social animals, we humans, and while the paths we traverse to feeling alone are different for each of us, the experience of feeling alone is something so very many of us share.

If so many of us share it, it makes me think that we have more in common, and perhaps something to share that gives us less reason to feel alone...

And I find that thought strangely hopeful.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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#320511 - 01/28/10 07:24 PM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: Ever-fixed Mark]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Great topic and great discussion. Really loved what everyone added to this topic and conversation.

I want to echo and agree 100% with what Mark said. Great ideas and thoughts.


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#320538 - 01/29/10 12:06 AM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: Charlie24]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
For me knowing, I am alone is a hard one. I have felt like I was going to be eaten alive.

It is awful to be alone but only for awhile.

I had to feel the darkness of being alone in the midst of the CSA and the SA to start to be whole again.

Doing this "recovery" alone really sucks.

BUT with strength of you all we can make it.

Donnie

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#320561 - 01/29/10 08:59 AM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: DJsport]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
it is hard living alone. there is no one else present to divert you from obsessively contemplating your own navel. laugh , yet on the other hand frown , and sometimes cry , but always on your own, with no one to share the joys and sorrows of life and living. it's times like these that i need to remember to rely on the good people who are my friends, and who i have not yet learned how to lean on allow them to prove their sincerity; to reach out and feel them, to know they are truly there. they are there. they keep reminding me every day with random emails, text messages etc, but i refuse to allow it to amount to anything more because it all seems to equal zero. silly i know. but at least i am aware the lion's share of the problem lies in me and not them.

but what does it mean to be alone? i can find both positives and negatives in the meaning of being alone, but i'll think about that one for a bit.

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#321088 - 02/03/10 12:03 PM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: Sans Logos]
Brett Jay Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 31
Loc: Minnesota
Interesting posts all. Leaves me feeling a little envious. I have a few--one or two--of those supportive people you write about and being with them can be to some extent enjoyable but they leave me feeling worse than before. Despite what some of you say, I feel that I am completely isolated. No one knows me. I am in a near constant dissaociative state.

Brett


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#322210 - 02/15/10 04:55 PM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: Brett Jay]
Buffy Offline


Registered: 02/15/10
Posts: 10
Loc: US
I can relate. When I go to some social event, I can't wait to leave after only a short time because my safety depends on being alone. And there is also a feeling that nobody wants me around anyway, which I "know" is not true but the feeling is there anyway.

But, I keep forging on. Stubbornness has been a trait of mine since I can remember. It is important that we keep pushing back in order to claim what is ours.

Peace


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#322251 - 02/15/10 08:30 PM Re: what it means to be alone [Re: Buffy]
Ever-fixed Mark Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 728
Loc: United States
I'm facing the possibility of being alone after many years in a relationship with a wonderful man. He's still here, for now, and I don't know what's going to happen, but the prospect of being lonely again is scary. I spent many, many years in the deep freeze previously and I'm going to do everything I can not to do that again.

No matter what happens, we are worth knowing and have value. We just need to give others a chance to see that in us, and see it in ourselves.

-efm

_________________________

Everybody here's got a story to tell
Everybody's been through their own hell
There's nothing too special about getting hurt
Getting over it, that takes the work

- "Duck and Cover" by Glen Phillips

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