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#320219 - 01/26/10 12:04 PM Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ?
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Greetings my brothers!

I've been through some tough therapy, life events & just started talking about my csa entirely over the past few months.

It really feels like a veil's been lifted from my mind and I see things that I never noticed nor recognized in my life. I owe a large part of this to my therapist, csa survival group and my brothers here on ms.org. It can't be said enough that I now know I am not alone in having these feelings & life issues.

One of the areas I now think that was affected by my csa and not addressing it was college/university.

It took me over 10 years to complete my first AA and another 4 for my BA. I dropped classes frequently, didn't complete papers in others and received many F's, had to withdraw due to running out of money because I didn't follow up on my student loans, which put me on probation for financial aid and didn't complete the proper paperwork for my GI. Bill. I have tran>


Edited by westsidej (01/26/10 12:05 PM)
_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#320253 - 01/26/10 02:24 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I'm out the door, off to college right now, in fact. Metro State College in Denver is my 4th college since 1976, and I still only have enough credit-hours for an AA degree, despite being on the Dean's list at both of my last two colleges. At my last college I had a 4.0 GPA for the 17 credit-hours that I took there. Too much partying sank the first opportunity, that plus my divorce and the 1990 recession in Cleveland did-in my 2nd opportunity (my depression basically), I just attended my 3rd college last semester then transferred to Metro State this semester.

One nice thing about Metro State College in Denver is that they will transfer-in most all of your credit hours, no matter how old they are. They took 4 credit hours from Western Michigan University from 1976, and 52 from Cleveland State from more than 20 years ago too. I'm a junior now, just another 53 credit hours to go for my BA degree in Urban Land Use Planning, another 9 credit hours for an Urban Planning minor too. I'm taking 12 hours this semester.

Yes, college has been a lot easier for me without my depression and drug problems dragging me down.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#320349 - 01/27/10 09:18 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: Trucker51]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Hi Mark,

Thanks for sharing. I've had other problems in my life beside and on account of my CSA.

I'm just trying to gauge what was due to my CSA and lack of addressing it, child neglect or just inherent defects in my character that I need to overcome.

Take care and break a leg in school. That's good to hear they accept so many of your old credits. Many schools that are geared towards the military do that as well.

Have a great week.

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#320646 - 01/29/10 09:03 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 425
Loc: Louisiana
yes my depression is kicking my ass (amongst other things) Im 24 dropped out and am stuck at a community college part time because I cant concentrate to save my life


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#320909 - 02/01/10 03:01 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: sportinrucks]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Sportinrucks,

Hi. Thanks for sharing. If you need some guidance or assistance w/ your studies, please let me know on or off-line.

That's one of the main reasons I posted this thread. If it was related to my abuse, then it makes sense that others on here would have similar stories.

If not, then I can still help out others going through the same struggles. No use in reinventing the wheel.


I also suffered from child neglect and other problems besides the csa.

Take care and stay strong. We're here for you.

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#320940 - 02/01/10 07:25 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Yes it sounds familiar. As someone who has been working toward undergrad degree for almost 15 years I can relate. Like you described, regrettably real life can encroach on one's ability to study in many ways. For me alot of it was the need to work due to not having independent financial resources while in school. Other stressors, like a learning disability and negative past life experience also had an effect. However, I was able to push for accomodations based on these factors which made a huge difference in my marks. Perhaps it is possible that you can receive this kind of flexibility from the facaulty where you are studying also.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#321120 - 02/04/10 12:40 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: jls]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Jls & co.

Howdy. Thanks for replying to my post. Hopefully, all of us can achieve our goals, no matter how long it takes. I'm glad, though upset at our abusers, to hear that I am not alone in this problem.

What kind of accommodation did the school give you, if you don't mind sharing w/ us, please? There's another guy who posted anonymous who wants to drop out of school who may also benefit from the accommodations your school provided for those of us who have similar backgrounds. I never wanted to ask for help and so I suffered w/ the toll it took on my grades, psyche, love life (or lack thereof) family & work. I let many people down, including myself.

Good for you realizing that you needed some assistance due to your csa and it sounds like it's working out well. How much longer do you have until you earn your BA/BS? What's it in?

Break a leg and thanks for being here on ms.org.

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#321124 - 02/04/10 01:26 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1977
I remembered the last day of my freshman year in college. That first year I was almost a straight A student and it was one of the happiest times of my life (I had made it away from my home/place of origin reality but had not yet remembered.) Really though it took that summer to remember more (that last day of college was just a breaking of the levee.) I really fell apart. I struggled big time and what was once a dream come true became an absolute nightmare.

I did eventually finish college though (huge struggle and painful period in my life to say the least.) And in fact job wise I am starting to do some pretty good work (not even related to college stuff I took.) Not that this changes everything for me but I feel good knowing I am still able to use my head in a way I am capable of. I was starting to doubt myself and give up.

Okay, what I would say is persevere as best possible. If you can finish up that is a good accomplishment. But yeah it is really hard to focus on school and all the social realities of college when you got this crap inside of you. I understand that. Keep reaching out and I think the more you can find some peace with this s**t the better you can keep your mind on what you want out of life rather than the bad stuff that was done to you. It never goes away, but we can learn to put it in its proper place and start living again. I really believe this is possible; maybe a bit damaged but living life.

Eric


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#321183 - 02/05/10 09:22 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: ericc]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Eric & co. Those were definitely some bon mots and I thank you for sharing.

The key theme I am taking from all of our posts so far is perseverance. No matter how long it takes, how many colleges we attend or how many times we changed majors, just keep pressing and know that we're not just behind you 100% but a resource to call upon as well. Several of us have made it and EARNED our degree and I for one, want to give back and help as many other of my csa brothers do the same.


I will admit that I feel perm. damaged but don't let that affect how I live life or deal w/ my csa, thanks to my great therapist, ms.org and my family who toughed it out w/ me.

Take care everyone, please don't hesitate to call on any of us, your therapist or other confidants for assistance/advice and I look forward to reading more stories of success, persistence & surviving.

Have a great w/e.

Jay
CSA Survivor
AA, AAS, BA
Working on MA in History

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#321188 - 02/05/10 12:58 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
not sure why it has taken me a week + to respond with my experience, but here it is:

i was born and bred in economic and social poverty, and the abuse by my older brother began as i was entering high school. thoroughout those years, my grades suffered, and eventually, i graduated high school in 1971 with a very low score, and lots of C's & D's in history, due to the abuse, of course.

tried to enter university in 1980 after getting married in 1977 and ended up dropping out in the first semester.

later, after leaving the dysfunctional marriage in 1984, and beginning to live an authentic life, i entered again in 1987 attempting a dual BS/BM in music education and sacred music. after two years i stopped again [economically, with no support whatsoever from family, it was difficult to raise my 3 children while supporting two households and holding down several jobs as a musician.....very stressful] but i returned yet again in 1996, and gradually finished the degree with honors, graduating cum laud. i even received the jean langlais award for excellence in sacred music, an award not given annually, but was warranted [yea, i am braggin a bit, but deserved it ] i am only mentioning these things to show that it is possible to transcend the crippling legacy of sexual abuse.

when i relocated to minneapolis after my last child finished high school, i enrolled in the graduate school for choral studies at the u of m twin cities, and completed all the course work, and as well, a graduate level certificate in vocal pedagogy. so now, i have moved beyond the need to prove i am as good/smart/worthy as everyone else and am currently trying to come to terms with the issues that caused me to need to prove such in the first place.

may you be richly blest as am i,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#321190 - 02/05/10 01:17 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: Sans Logos]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Quote:
but i returned yet again in 1996, and gradually finished the degree with honors, graduating cum laud. i even received the jean langlais award for excellence in sacred music, an award not given annually, but was warranted [yea, i am braggin a bit, but deserved it ] i am only mentioning these things to show that it is possible to transcend the crippling legacy of sexual abuse. (Amen, brother: added by Jay)


Ron,

Howdy. Happy Friday. Thank you so much for sharing. Your story touched on Eric's theme about perseverance. I knew about your degree from U of MN but not about your academic success while completing that program. That's outstanding. I am very very proud of you and your work. You're yet another story of triumph over adversity.

How lucky am I to know all of you guys? Blessed indeed.

After looking back at my college career, I realized that it didn't take me 14 years to complete my BA but actually 18 years from the time of my first college course, US History to 1877 taken via PACE while serving in the Navy embarked onboard the USS JFK in 1990. It was free through Central Texas College but I had to buy the book. Worked 12 hours (minimum)everyday and then took this class three times a week for 8 weeks. I earned a B+ and it was a roller-coaster ride until 2008.

Have a great weekend everyone and I look forward to more stories and for sure helping more of us earn/finish their degrees, from associates to Phd work.

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#321427 - 02/08/10 06:35 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
this is a real depressing thread


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#321429 - 02/08/10 07:19 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: zb420]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
yes zac, so true. these mountains have not been easy to climb. zac, you're not just some random guy on a random website with some random reactions to some random depressing stuff. you're gonna be ok cause we're here with you as you face your own mountains randomly presenting themselves for your life's passages. hang in there buddy. ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#321435 - 02/08/10 09:52 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: Sans Logos]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Quote:
this is a real depressing thread


zb420

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way about this post. I found the stories of triumph over csa quite inspiring.

A few of us are still struggling to complete our studies, whether college, trade school, grad school or a professional school like truck driving or cosmetology but at least we're persevering instead of just giving up and letting our abusers continue to affect our lives.

Can you give us some specific examples of what depresses you about this or if this hits home, can we help you in some way?

Jay

(Is the 420 referring to green leafy plants?) If so, that may also be a huge source of depression for you.

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#321437 - 02/08/10 10:16 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
Charlie24 Offline


Registered: 09/28/08
Posts: 562
Jay

I wanted to add my two cents or share my story about college with you.

I graduated high school back in 2002 and just assumed my next step was college, everyone was saying you need to go to college, go to college. Blah blah blah.

Well I did go to the community college in my hometown. I hated it, didn't feel like college at all. Felt like more b.s. high school plus I had to have classes with the jerks I delt with in high school.

I didn't get it and just didn't really make an effort, just went through the motions. I was also working part time at a grocery store, then my abuse surfaced and everything came to a head, I told my parents, got kicked out of school and just gave up, tried to work my way up at a grocery store, can't do that anymore, at least IMHO.

I tried to work and then my Dad said I needed to get serious about life, so I went on an Outward Bound course, really helped me gain perspective and learned to stand up for myself.

Then I decided I wanted to go to school for nutrition, still working on my B.S. started in 2006 and hope to be done by Spring 2011, I'm a senior this year, and yes this shit can get old. I have moments where I just want to give up, say screw it and just say whatever, but I remind myself how miserable I was at my old job and then in a way it's motivation to keep going, not give up.

I have learning disabilities too, could that be something your struggling with, they have counseling services on campus to help you figure out if you have problems or places to get tested, then you can accommodations, I get accommodations cause I struggle bad with testing and classroom distraction, I get a private room, just a thought.

I want a decent job so I can take care of myself and not be financially dependent on others. Wanna be an adult and live my own life, hopefully one day own my own home.

I've learned something about college, sometimes its just bullshit that professors wanna see how many loops you can jump through and do stupid tasks they ask, so much of it is just following directions.

I realize this is a bit detailed and I hope it does offer some hope.

Hang in there bud.

Maybe if possible you could take a break for a year, get yourself collected and try and get focused about school again. It's hard when your not sure what you wanna do and where you wanna go.

One last thing I wanna add, a bit of advice, first off it's great if you can get a 4.0 and graduate with that, I started with a 4.0, but slowly creeping down, still above a 3.0, which is great, I have a study buddy who has told me repeatedly that so much of getting a degree and a decent job is the employer wants to just see a 4 year degree, and often they could give a rats ass about a GPA. They just wanna see you go through the bullshit of college, all my humble opinion.

Just know your doing great Jay, try your best and forget the rest as they say.

Charlie.

P.S. I got to rambling again.


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#321465 - 02/08/10 08:18 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
[



Edited by zb420 (03/03/10 10:42 PM)

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#322592 - 02/19/10 01:02 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: zb420]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 150
Loc: Minnesota
Quote:
One last thing I wanna add, a bit of advice, first off it's great if you can get a 4.0 and graduate with that, I started with a 4.0, but slowly creeping down, still above a 3.0, which is great, I have a study buddy who has told me repeatedly that so much of getting a degree and a decent job is the employer wants to just see a 4 year degree, and often they could give a rats ass about a GPA. They just wanna see you go through the bullshit of college, all my humble opinion.
Charlie

While your G.P.A. may or may not be important for landing a job, it will come back to haunt you for grad school and other post-secondary educational opportunities.

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#326496 - 03/28/10 08:25 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
Wilson81 Offline


Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 7
Loc: United States
I just had to respond to this old thread. I became very emotional reading the posts here simply because it has given me hope.

I feel like such a failure because I did not complete college and now I am in a situation where I need a degree to get a job. I completed my freshman year in college almost 19 years ago, and did quite well actually, but I foolishly allowed work to take priority over education. After becoming a member here, I can see the possible connection between depression and csa and the failures in my life, including completing college.

While reading the posts, for the first time I have considered it is possible I myself may have a learning disability. This is hard to say because that is not "suppose" to be the case for me. I was the "smart" one. I was voted most likely to succeed. I was the one who got the impressive grades even through my freshman year in college. But, now I can't seem to concentrate to save my life, and I have such a problem now understanding things and often feel like such an idiot.

Honestly, I chalked my not completing college to laziness and lack of money, but for the first time I can honetly say, besides the possibility of a learning disability, I may have been too hard on myself all of these years and laziness may not have been the culprit behind it at all. During the time I was suppose to be in college, I was severly depressed and was freshly exiting some traumatic years in my life. In addition, I focused on work subconciously trying to prove to my stepfather I wasn't lazy.

Though I have a solid work history (18 years, 13 of which were with the last company I was laid off from), I am ashamed to say I have now been unemployed for almost a year and a half, and feel so intimidated about reentering school. I know I have to do something with regard to schooling to survive but I feel like I am just stuck.

I am about to be 38 years old in a few months, have no official skills, and a part of me feels it is too late to go back to school. But I have to say reading how many of you guys have been pursuing degrees for a while and have not given up on doing so has really sparked a bit of inspiration in me.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences. This website has truly opened my eyes to the fact that I am not alone in so many problem areas of my life.

Wilson81


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