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#320219 - 01/26/10 12:04 PM Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ?
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Greetings my brothers!

I've been through some tough therapy, life events & just started talking about my csa entirely over the past few months.

It really feels like a veil's been lifted from my mind and I see things that I never noticed nor recognized in my life. I owe a large part of this to my therapist, csa survival group and my brothers here on ms.org. It can't be said enough that I now know I am not alone in having these feelings & life issues.

One of the areas I now think that was affected by my csa and not addressing it was college/university.

It took me over 10 years to complete my first AA and another 4 for my BA. I dropped classes frequently, didn't complete papers in others and received many F's, had to withdraw due to running out of money because I didn't follow up on my student loans, which put me on probation for financial aid and didn't complete the proper paperwork for my GI. Bill. I have tran>


Edited by westsidej (01/26/10 12:05 PM)
_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#320253 - 01/26/10 02:24 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
I'm out the door, off to college right now, in fact. Metro State College in Denver is my 4th college since 1976, and I still only have enough credit-hours for an AA degree, despite being on the Dean's list at both of my last two colleges. At my last college I had a 4.0 GPA for the 17 credit-hours that I took there. Too much partying sank the first opportunity, that plus my divorce and the 1990 recession in Cleveland did-in my 2nd opportunity (my depression basically), I just attended my 3rd college last semester then transferred to Metro State this semester.

One nice thing about Metro State College in Denver is that they will transfer-in most all of your credit hours, no matter how old they are. They took 4 credit hours from Western Michigan University from 1976, and 52 from Cleveland State from more than 20 years ago too. I'm a junior now, just another 53 credit hours to go for my BA degree in Urban Land Use Planning, another 9 credit hours for an Urban Planning minor too. I'm taking 12 hours this semester.

Yes, college has been a lot easier for me without my depression and drug problems dragging me down.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#320349 - 01/27/10 09:18 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: Trucker51]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Hi Mark,

Thanks for sharing. I've had other problems in my life beside and on account of my CSA.

I'm just trying to gauge what was due to my CSA and lack of addressing it, child neglect or just inherent defects in my character that I need to overcome.

Take care and break a leg in school. That's good to hear they accept so many of your old credits. Many schools that are geared towards the military do that as well.

Have a great week.

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Top
#320646 - 01/29/10 09:03 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 422
Loc: Louisiana
yes my depression is kicking my ass (amongst other things) Im 24 dropped out and am stuck at a community college part time because I cant concentrate to save my life


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#320909 - 02/01/10 03:01 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: sportinrucks]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Sportinrucks,

Hi. Thanks for sharing. If you need some guidance or assistance w/ your studies, please let me know on or off-line.

That's one of the main reasons I posted this thread. If it was related to my abuse, then it makes sense that others on here would have similar stories.

If not, then I can still help out others going through the same struggles. No use in reinventing the wheel.


I also suffered from child neglect and other problems besides the csa.

Take care and stay strong. We're here for you.

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

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#320940 - 02/01/10 07:25 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Yes it sounds familiar. As someone who has been working toward undergrad degree for almost 15 years I can relate. Like you described, regrettably real life can encroach on one's ability to study in many ways. For me alot of it was the need to work due to not having independent financial resources while in school. Other stressors, like a learning disability and negative past life experience also had an effect. However, I was able to push for accomodations based on these factors which made a huge difference in my marks. Perhaps it is possible that you can receive this kind of flexibility from the facaulty where you are studying also.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#321120 - 02/04/10 12:40 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: jls]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Jls & co.

Howdy. Thanks for replying to my post. Hopefully, all of us can achieve our goals, no matter how long it takes. I'm glad, though upset at our abusers, to hear that I am not alone in this problem.

What kind of accommodation did the school give you, if you don't mind sharing w/ us, please? There's another guy who posted anonymous who wants to drop out of school who may also benefit from the accommodations your school provided for those of us who have similar backgrounds. I never wanted to ask for help and so I suffered w/ the toll it took on my grades, psyche, love life (or lack thereof) family & work. I let many people down, including myself.

Good for you realizing that you needed some assistance due to your csa and it sounds like it's working out well. How much longer do you have until you earn your BA/BS? What's it in?

Break a leg and thanks for being here on ms.org.

Jay

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Top
#321124 - 02/04/10 01:26 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1960
I remembered the last day of my freshman year in college. That first year I was almost a straight A student and it was one of the happiest times of my life (I had made it away from my home/place of origin reality but had not yet remembered.) Really though it took that summer to remember more (that last day of college was just a breaking of the levee.) I really fell apart. I struggled big time and what was once a dream come true became an absolute nightmare.

I did eventually finish college though (huge struggle and painful period in my life to say the least.) And in fact job wise I am starting to do some pretty good work (not even related to college stuff I took.) Not that this changes everything for me but I feel good knowing I am still able to use my head in a way I am capable of. I was starting to doubt myself and give up.

Okay, what I would say is persevere as best possible. If you can finish up that is a good accomplishment. But yeah it is really hard to focus on school and all the social realities of college when you got this crap inside of you. I understand that. Keep reaching out and I think the more you can find some peace with this s**t the better you can keep your mind on what you want out of life rather than the bad stuff that was done to you. It never goes away, but we can learn to put it in its proper place and start living again. I really believe this is possible; maybe a bit damaged but living life.

Eric


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#321183 - 02/05/10 09:22 AM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: ericc]
westsidej Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/04/09
Posts: 148
Loc: Minnesota
Eric & co. Those were definitely some bon mots and I thank you for sharing.

The key theme I am taking from all of our posts so far is perseverance. No matter how long it takes, how many colleges we attend or how many times we changed majors, just keep pressing and know that we're not just behind you 100% but a resource to call upon as well. Several of us have made it and EARNED our degree and I for one, want to give back and help as many other of my csa brothers do the same.


I will admit that I feel perm. damaged but don't let that affect how I live life or deal w/ my csa, thanks to my great therapist, ms.org and my family who toughed it out w/ me.

Take care everyone, please don't hesitate to call on any of us, your therapist or other confidants for assistance/advice and I look forward to reading more stories of success, persistence & surviving.

Have a great w/e.

Jay
CSA Survivor
AA, AAS, BA
Working on MA in History

_________________________
My CSA story TRIGGERS!!!!

The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict. Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Top
#321188 - 02/05/10 12:58 PM Re: Anyone else have problems completing college/Univ? [Re: westsidej]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
not sure why it has taken me a week + to respond with my experience, but here it is:

i was born and bred in economic and social poverty, and the abuse by my older brother began as i was entering high school. thoroughout those years, my grades suffered, and eventually, i graduated high school in 1971 with a very low score, and lots of C's & D's in history, due to the abuse, of course.

tried to enter university in 1980 after getting married in 1977 and ended up dropping out in the first semester.

later, after leaving the dysfunctional marriage in 1984, and beginning to live an authentic life, i entered again in 1987 attempting a dual BS/BM in music education and sacred music. after two years i stopped again [economically, with no support whatsoever from family, it was difficult to raise my 3 children while supporting two households and holding down several jobs as a musician.....very stressful] but i returned yet again in 1996, and gradually finished the degree with honors, graduating cum laud. i even received the jean langlais award for excellence in sacred music, an award not given annually, but was warranted [yea, i am braggin a bit, but deserved it ] i am only mentioning these things to show that it is possible to transcend the crippling legacy of sexual abuse.

when i relocated to minneapolis after my last child finished high school, i enrolled in the graduate school for choral studies at the u of m twin cities, and completed all the course work, and as well, a graduate level certificate in vocal pedagogy. so now, i have moved beyond the need to prove i am as good/smart/worthy as everyone else and am currently trying to come to terms with the issues that caused me to need to prove such in the first place.

may you be richly blest as am i,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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