Help me out here guys. There are lies we were told, lies we absorbed, and lies we told ourselves in order to cope.

We've learned better now. So let's just list them here. List something that YOU NOW KNOW IS NOT TRUE AND NEVER WAS!!!!!!

What I know is a lie can help you. What you know is a lie can help me. Please help me.

No need for comments, just list them like this.

THIS IS A LIE:
I can't tell anyone what happened to me.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am a dirty, nasty, sick, perverted little freak.

THIS IS A LIE:
I can't do [whatever], because I might have a good time and feel happy, and I don't deserve to.

THIS IS A LIE:
I will never be able to manage this or my life.

This is a lie:
"If any part of the abuse was pleasurable you were a willing participant"

This is a lie:
"You made me do it."

This is a lie:
"It's our secret"

This is a lie:
"If you liked that it means you're defective, unworthy, a bad person."

These are just some of the lies I was told and I believed for years. All lies don't have to be spelled out for us. Some of the worst ones are the subtle lies that we cling to because to show them to be just lies would mean that we were fooled by someone we trusted and maybe even loved.

Steve

THIS IS A LIE

This is all I deserve

THIS IS A LIE

I enjoyed it

THIS IS A LIE

I am not normal

Lloydy

This is a lie:

You're a little girl.

This is a lie:

You're a little faggot.

This is a lie:

You'll never amount to anything.

This is a lie:

There's no use in talking about the past

I do this to you because I love you.

I do this because God says I should

You're a reject.

Don't cry, be a man (as I was getting beat).

I'm just a viewing picture for my abuser.

Why can't you do anything right?

THESE ARE ALL LIES AND I HATE EACH ONE OF THEM!

Good idea Don! Let's see:

THESE ARE ALL LIES:

"I am defective."

"I could never satisfy a woman/partner."

"I will never amount to anything."

"I am hopeless."

"Noone could ever love me."

"I am not a real man."

"I am not man enough."

"My abusers truly cared for me/loved me."

"I am worthless."

"There is no hope."

"I am trash."

"I will never find a good job."

"I will never find someone to love."

"I can't survive on my own."

"My life is pointless."

"I won't survive."

"I cannot defend myself."

"This is a stupid exercise."

"It is safe to include my perpetrators in my life today."

Wow, I could go on and on. Thanks for this post Don!

rafael

THIS IS A LIE:
I will never be real in front of people

THIS IS A LIE:
I will fuck up the most important things in my life--my marriage, my job, my friendships....

THIS IS A LIE:
I am helpless

THIS IS A LIE:
I will never be happy

THIS IS A LIE:
The way I feel now will always be the way I feel

THIS IS A LIE:
I'm just fine

Don, this is a really great idea/post! Here is my list:

If you only knew the truth about me, you would not like me either.

There is no me – I am the product of chance

I can not find a me that I can depend on when I really need answers – there is no truth in me

I will never be happy

I am a “freak of nature”

I am the only one like this:
Who doesn’t love his mother
Who can’t function sexually
Who doesn’t know what he wants

Never, no Never trust anyone

Numbness is better than pain

It will hurt too much to change

Women are icky and can’t be trusted

THIS IS A LIE

I am a fuck up who will never stop sabotaging himself

THIS IS A LIE

I have never done anything worthwhile

THIS IS A LIE

Everybody thinks I'm some kind of freak

THIS IS A LIE

No one likes me for who I am

THIS IS A LIE

I don't like myself for who I am

THIS IS A LIE

My life is not worth living

THESE ARE ALL LIES:

I am a mistake.

Survivors will never be really well.

I am ruined to my core.

It is my fault because I went back to the BSA.s

A REAL MAN would not have let this ruin his life!

As a teenager I could have fought him off.

You knew he would not really kill you.

All sex is filthy.

I am damned for what I did.

This is a lie:
"He was teaching me sex ed"

"I am a pervert"

"I asked for it"

"I wanted it because I went back to him"

"He loved me"

"I was special"

I've read several of the lies that others have written, and while I know that many of them are lies I still have a hard time believing they are lies.

The biggest lie that I keep getting told and not just by one person but several people is:

This is a lie:

It is YOUR problem ..... deal with it.

This is a lie:

Because you were an adult when it happened ..... it doesn't matter.

This is a lie:

You'd be nothing without me.

This is a lie:

What I'm doing to you is "therapy" .... I was assualted by my therapist

This is a Lie:

You deserved it .... because you are gay

This is a lie:

No one can understand how I am feeling ....... I believed this LIE until I met all of my wonderful "FRIENDS" here at NOMSV ...... Thanks for all your support guys .... I hope I can return it.

[/LIST]

This is a lie:

God loves you more than I do. God wants me to show you how much by touching you like this.

All boys do it at one point or another, it's normal.

You are the most selfish, self centered, egotistical, uncaring, unemotional person I have ever known.

If you let me suck it, it will get bigger, and you will be ready for sex with girls.

Bring your little boy friends over, then we can all have some fun together.

It's all in your head, it's not my problem.

I, the spouse, did not sign up for this crap when we got married.

"Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it"

Odd how we all have been told many of the same lies. Here's more

ITS A LIE WHEN
You are told "You can tell me anything" then when you do, you are thrown out.

ITS A LIE WHEN:
You are told "For better or worse until death do us part"

ITS A LIE WHEN:
You are told "Lets have a Party"

ITS A LIE WHEN:
There are certain things that "Boys your age Do"

ITS A LIE WHEN:
"Pray, this will go away"

IT's A LIE WHEN:
You will never amount to anything.

IT'S A LIE WHEN:
Here, give this to your mother, this will be our "Little secret"

IT'S A LIE WHEN:
"Thanks for the feel" Don't say anything

IT'S A LIE WHEN"
You have tried so many things and failed at them all.
Man what a vent

This is a lie:
It was just child's play

This is a lie:
I am unlovable

This is a lie:
I can't be trusted

This is a lie:
I will abuse because I was abused

I have lies buried that I can't even see
They shape me and hurt me and keep me from growing

I vow to let these lies go

THIS IS A LIE:
The abuse has fundamentally affected (changed or determined) my sexual orientation.

Some of the Lies,

I wanted it
I liked it.
I needed it.
It always made me feel good.
By doing it I had the best of both worlds.
He loved me.
He was there for me.
He cared for me.
He would never lie to me.

THE TRUTH

HE LIED!!!
HE MADE ME LIE!!!

I read one of the LIES that Orodo submitted:

"If you let me suck it, it will get bigger, and you will be ready for sex with girls."

The perpetrator who abused me used this LIE. He knew that I was insecure about the size of my penis, he knew that I wanted reassurance that I was normal, he knew that I trusted him like a big brother that I never had. He used all of that knowledge to manipulate me with that LIE. I was only eleven and I believed it then.

This is a LIE:

"I did it to you and you liked it, now you have to do it to me, it's only fair."

This post is so liberating for me. To spell out the lies we were told, to learn that we weren't the only ones who believed them, to finally see them for what they were so that we can move forward knowing the truth.

Truth:

"It wasn't my fault."

Thank you, Don NY, for starting this post. When you cast those ashes in the Alantic Ocean, I'll be casting some ashes up in a lake in the Sierra Nevadas, thanks for the inspiration.

Steve

These are lies that I put on myself as a kid.

I have to build a wall around my heart & soul and not let anyone in.

Stay invisable, don't attract attention, or someone will find out.

I must be gay because I liked it & went back.

I must be gay because I looked for gay sex on my own afterward.

Don't even think of having a girlfriend, girls wont like you. They will smell your shame like dog sh*t.

I'll never be a real man, I'll just have to fake it.

Uncle F loved me.

I have to become a CONTROL freak to keep from being vulnerable.

I held onto these lies until three four years ago (age 31 then). My wife came up with the name "the wall" for the prison I kept my heart in. It blew my mind away how
much the abuse & the lies shaped my life. It tainted every decision I made in my life, it probably still does to a degree.

~George~

THIS IS A LIE
The adults will believe me

The adults will help me

The adults will stop it happening

The adults will send the older boys away

THIS WAS MY TRUTH

The adults didn't believe me

The adults punished me

The adults didn't stop it happening

The adults joined in.

How I wish I could be on our Atlantic shore this Sunday to send this list to hell and back with Don.
Lloydy

THIS IS A LIE:
I am weird.
I am a freak.
I am not normal.
There is something wrong with me.
What the fuck is the matter with me?
I don't belong here. (everywhere, anywhere: I feel this at home, at friend's houses, in school, at work, while travelling of living abroad.)
I'm a fuckup.
I'm a disgrace to this family.
I'm a disgrace to society.
I'm a menace to society.
I am klutzy.
I am not creative.
I can't dance.
I am bad in bed.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am a nerd.
I am a geek.
I am a dork.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am a wuss.
I am a sissy.
I am weak.
I am a girl.
I am a faggot.
I am a pussy.

THIS IS A LIE:
Noone's gonna like me.
Nobody will ever love me.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am ugly.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am not sexy.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am not good enough.
I am not enough of a man.
I am an inferior human being.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am less of a man because I cannot have sex.
I am less of a man because I have sexual dysfunctions.
I am a eunuch.
I am a man-woman inbetween thing. (Thanks to somebody else's post somewhere on this site for this horribly wonderful phrase)

THIS IS A LIE:
I am an evil monster when I want sex.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am sick.
I am sick for having sadistic sexual fantasies.
For wanting to rape people. (Seems pretty sick, doesn't it? I didn't ask for it.)

THIS IS A LIE:
I was a bad little boy.
I deserved to be spanked.
I deserved to be sent to my room.

THIS IS A LIE:
Your father really loves you even though he doesn't show it very much.

THIS IS A LIE:
It's not so bad. You're making a big deal out of nothing.

THIS IS A LIE:
There are no long-term emotional effects of child abuse.

THIS IS A LIE:
All that was a long time ago.

THIS IS A LIE:
Don't you want to be a man? Don't you want to be like all the older, tougher boys? Then, here, drink this beer. (My abuser pressured me into drinking in a well-conceived attempt to get me drunk at age 13 so he could more easily have his way with me.)

THIS IS A LIE:
It'll feel good.
If feels good, doesn't it?
You like it, don't you?
You're not uncomfortable, are you?
Why are you shaking? What, are you scared? (You're goddamn right I was scared!)

THIS IS A LIE:
I am dumb.
I am stupid.
I am an idiot.
I have shit for brains.
I am booksmart but not smart.
I have no common sense.
I can't think.

THIS IS A LIE:
My parents raised the afterbirth instead of the kid.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am so lazy, if I shit in bed, somebody else would have to come spoon it out.

THIS IS A LIE:
Ryan and his father don't see eye-to-eye.
It's a father-son thing.
It's a male thing.

THIS IS A LIE:
Your mother really loves you.

THIS IS A LIE:
My parents should have favored my sister in order to make things equal between us, between I'm smarter and better at everything.

THIS IS A LIE:
I have more opportunities than my parents did.

THIS IS A LIE:
Things were tougher back then.
Things are easier nowadays.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am gross.
I am disgusting.

THIS IS A LIE:
I have a big, fat, hairy ass.
My penis is too small.

THIS IS A LIE:
Nobody likes me.
Nobody will ever love me.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am disgusting because I was sexually abused.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am unlovable because my parents didn't love me.

THIS IS A LIE:
I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

2 BIG FAT LIES I learned early in life that have governed my behavior for the better part of four decades:

1. If I don't do it, it will never get done.

2. Everybody else's needs are more important than my own.

THIS IS A LIE:
The age of reason is 7 years old.

THIS IS A LIE:
From that time on I should have not let anything happen happen to me.

THIS IS A LIE:
Mothers don't sexually abuse.

THIS IS A LIE:
I must have misunderstood her intentions.

THIS IS A LIE:
I turned the good she was doing for me into something dirty.

THIS IS A LIE:
I'm an ungrateful son.

THIS IS A LIE:
"Don't ever tell anyone, they just won't understand"

THIS IS A LIE:
"Do you dress right or left?", is an expression of concern.

THIS IS A LIE:
Doing to me what she did in order to find out was a loving thing to do

THIS IS A LIE:
If i were born a girl my mother would have loved me and not hurt me.

THIS IS A LIE:
If I were born without a penis my mother could have felt safer with me.

THIS IS A LIE:
If Jesus were in my family he would have done me too.

THIS IS A LIE:
I'm different than other men.

THIS IS A LIE:
I can make up for all the hurt the men in my mother's life caused her.
this includes her father, grandfather, as well as the rest of the men in the world.

THIS IS A LIE:
My mother just didn't realize what she was doing to me.

THIS IS A LIE:
All men are scum

THIS IS A LIE:
I am scum because I'm a man.

THIS IS A LIE:
Only girls need to be protected against sexual predators.

THIS IS A LIE:
"Girls are victims." " Boys score."

THIS IS A LIE:
My brother did it because I must look like a girl.

THIS IS A LIE:
My body responded, I must have enjoyed it.

THIS IS A LIE:
I must be a sissy, because this only happens to sissies and girls.

THIS IS A LIE:
I must be a girl, because at 3-4 years old my mother liked to put ribbons in my pretty curley hair.

THIS IS A LIE:
Being her "special Bobby" meant she really loved me.

THIS IS A LIE:
At 10 years old I was too old to cry at my father's wake.

This lie was unspoken but it came through loud and clear. It makes my skin crawl and fills me with a rage that could destroy an entire world. Maybe it needs destroying.

THIS IS A LIE:
I alone love you. I love you the best.

This might very well be the most intense posting I've read here. It made me cry. So I'll add my own list of lies (repetitive though they may be):

I am invisible
I am inconsequential
I am worthless
I am doomed to failure
I am doomed to repeat my mistakes
I am unforgivably rotten
I am a dirty little freak
I am a disgusting pervert
I will always live in darkness
My life is a joke
I am one big lie
I am hollow.
There is no core.
I will forever keep these secrets
I can not control myself
I am out of control
I am better off dead
Who cares?
What the fuck?
I don't care.
Leave me alone.
Go away.
Shut up and leave me alone.
Don't touch me.
I'm a loser.
I am unloveable.
I am undeserving.
I will never be happy.
I will never be at peace.
I will always be chasing something that can never be caught.
If you only knew who I really am you'd run away screaming.
They should lock me up and throw away the key.
No matter how hard I try I will never succeed.
I am and never will be good enough.
I am never satisfied.
I have never done enough.
I will never be good.
I will never succeed.
My thoughts and fantasies will kill me.

Go to hell and leave me alone because whatever you want or whatever you need from me has already been taken.

I am empty,alone,forgotten, overlooked; last week's rotten garbage left out on the curb in the sun and the rain.

I am shit.

I will never be able to be a sucess.

I will always be alone and unhappy

I am worthless and to ask for my dreams is a waste of time

I will always feel like this ( shitty)

I am so stuck in my Mom's house and I have accomplished alot but can not feel that at all. I feel right now that I will always be in this position and that life will never improve. I feel like in the last month I have let him win and the posion he inflicted on my soul and body is wearing me into the ground.

God help me

I like this post string so much - that I didn't want it to be burried - deserves rethinking too

Thanks, Thad. You are right about this post. It is a good one. It was hard to read this because of the way I could relate to all these lies. I don't have the energy to add my list right now. Maybe sometime later.

Thanks, again.
Sincerely, Jess.

Yes, there are so many new guys here since this list was started, and I'm sure they muast have some to add

Dave

no1 lie i told myself:
-i'm fine. there's nothing wrong with me.

that one lie kept me from getting help and healing for over thirty years. it goes hand in hand with:
- i can handle this.
- everyone does it.

the biggest problem i found with lies is that they become habit. you lie to yourself and then to others to cover how screwed up you are, and before long your lying about dumb crap. when i hit bottom, my wife confronted me with a list of lies i had told her two miles long. stupid lies about buying stuff or spending money, about porn and about every aspect of my life. the best thing i ever did was stop lying, and i hate it more than anything now.

Lie: it was my fault

Lie: i could have stopped it

Everyone here has said it all.

The shit of it is we were the most affected by the lies because we learned to believe them and take comfort in them.

The perps fed us. We took it in. They gave us the keys to the jail. We were the best damned jailers ourselves ever had.

God when I think about it I get so fxxking mad I would like to kill em all.

Lie:
Sex is always shameful.

You're suppose to feel guilty if you enguage in it.

You can't take care of yourself.

What happened to you was normal.

Okay, those are mine.
mike

Post abuse lies I told myself to survive...

In free association format

I'm a victim. I'm entitled to healing. The world owes me. (Or insert another entity of choice. Our healing is our responsibility, no one elses).

Someone out there will love me the way I'm supposed to be loved, and I'll do anything for that. That will make the abuse ok.

All therapists and pro-survivor organizations are competent and understand what I need.

If I work hard enough, I can beat this thing.
(some things just take time). I don't need to rest. I don't need to take care of myself. I don't need breaks. I don't need to be satisfied with where I'm at. I just need to fix me and get on with life.

Sacrificing myself, including my identity for my wife (or anyone else for that matter) is a good way to show her I love her.

Vulnerability and openness for the sake of healing is always a good thing. If I just let myself be known, someone will accept me for what I am.

I understand other survivors because I'm a survior. (As if we all fit into some grand behaviorial/cognitive formula)

[pick a substance/person or addiction] will make me happy or give me peace.

Sigh

Thad:

Thank you for bringing this thread back up. Having come here last August, I have no idea how in the world I missed this one. It is really good to read all these, and see people calling this puke what it is: lies!

Ben:

Good to hear from you and I appreciate what you shared; very insightful.

OK, nothing new here, but these are some of the main lies I used to believe:

LIE: They did this to me because I asked for it, did something to turn them on.

LIE: They did this to me because I was gay or effiminate or somehow not a "real man."

LIE: They did this becuz I deserved to be abused.

LIE: They did this becuz they knew I really wanted it.

LIE: If I didn't really want it then it wouldn't have felt kinda good sometimes.

LIE: If I didn't really want it then I would have stopped it.

LIE: If I didn't really want it then it wouldn't have happened.

LIE: Sex = Love; sex is all there is to love.

LIE: If you want love you've got to have & give sex.

LIE: Love is just an animal act of intercourse.

But now I know the truth, and the truth is setting me free!

Victor

As I was reading this, I noticed a lot of new names, but then I realized that the thread started almost 1 year ago and the names aren't new at all, they are old. I think it is a great thread and I feel that I would like to contribute:

This is a lie:
"You are the worst child I have ever had"

This is a lie:
I deserved to be strangled

This is a lie:
I am completely worthless

This is a lie:
I have no control

This is a lie:
I am gay

This is a lie:
I should cease to exist

This is a lie:
I cannot face this.

This is a lie:
Therapy will kill me.

This is a lie:
I cannot trust

This is a lie:
I am inconsequential

This is a lie:
Not dealing with incest is the best way to handle it

This is a lie:
I am alone in this, no one could possibly understand what I've been through.

This is a lie:
I am an embarrassment to the family

This is a lie:
Death is better than life

This is a lie:
I wanted it all along.


This is a lie:
Being a man means you bury your emotions and don't show any sign of weakness.

Wow. This was quite a therapeutic exercize. Thank you for bringing it back out.

Lies

• If i go slow this won't hurt.
• I'm your mother, you can always come to me
• If you go to the bathroom and it comes out red, your parents will know you've done something unforgivable

It is good to remember that these are all LIES--there is no truth in them, they are evil, the truth is often the exact opposite of the lie

Bob

LIES

"I don't need therapy"

"What’s past is past, why wallow in it"

"If it feels good do it"

"I like smoking pot, it helps me"

"I am happy"

"I am not depressed"

"I can do this on my own"

They lied Woz, and SeaOtter, they lied to you.

Dave

This thread needs to be visible again, at least for me.

In the patchwork memory of the first night, I see myself, physically numb on the damn mattress on the fucking floor, and I'm asking the perp, "What are you doing?"

"I'm not doing anything," he lied.

This is a lie:
I am a liscensed therapist and I want to help YOU.
This is a lie:
I am a liscensed therapist and I want to HELP you.
This is a lie:
I am a liscensed therapist and I WANT to help you.
This is a lie;
I am a LISCENESED THERAPIST and I want to help you.
THIS IS A LIE:
I am a liscensed therapist, and you alone obviously have some misinterpretations about sex.
Tom S.

Quote: In these times of economic uncertainty, it is easy to see who is dedicated to professional health care, and who is in it for the money.

A few lies:
I could have run away
I liked it
It wasn't as bad as being beaten
it happens to all boys, so its normal
it is Gods will
I am to blaim, because I took money
I am gay, so I must like what happened

Not a lie:

I did not like it, I hated it, I did not understand, I wanted them to leave me alone, I wanted to disappear, I was scared, I was ashamed. I still am.

And the biggest lie of all:

It was my own fault, for being such a cute boy.
If I was ugly, it would not have happend

Brilliant thread

Its a lie
That all adults are responsable

Its a lie
That I'm useless

Its a lie
That I'm gay

Its a lie
That I'm a pervert

Its a lie
That I'm compareable to the people that killed so many on 9/11

Its a lie
That I was sixteen or legal

Its a lie
That all sex is dirty

Its a lie
That masturbation leads to blindness

Its a lie
That the recent "witchunt" in the UK is the fault of the media (and not of the abusers)

Its a lie
That I'm going mad

However IT IS TRUE.......that I'm a bloody good grandad, and thats good enough for me

And all that was left was hope

Kirk

PS: Its also a lie
That Ringo was a good drummer

Kirk that's the main one I don't agree with but who is an Italian-American to argue with a citizen of the UK about this anyway?

Victor

Its a LIE

I understand how you feel

Its a lie

Just talk to me

its a lie

Talk and it will make you feel better ( WHEN)

sorry

confused n alone

This is a lie:
I am a freak.

This is a lie:
I can't show anyone who I really am.

This is a lie:
I'm a crazy effed up loser.

Thank you all for naming the lies out loud. I have to get these out of my system. Thanks for bringing this topic back up.

Ken

There are more new guys coming around, and there are more lies I want to expose.

This is a lie:
It's not a big deal. I can handle it.

This is a lie:
I wanted it. I asked for it.

This is a lie:
I can't ever get better.

This is a lie:
Everyone can see that I'm dirty and unworthy.

This is the biggest lie (to me) of all:
Suicide is a way out.

Biggest of lie: "If you let me do this, I not hurt anyone else"

THIS IS A LIE:

"You are my favorite."

Green

April 1961
GOD WANT'S YOU TO DO THIS FOR ME
MAY 61
I beleieve you Tom but if you go to the police all the boys and girls will know what Father Ryan did to you.
July 61
We the members of the church board find your story unbeleiveable.

It's a lie

We are only giving you what you really want!!!

So many of these lies are consistent with what I was told!!!

The perp: My ex-brother-in-law.
Lies I've heard and believed...

It's a lie... from perp:
Don't tell anyone, especially anyone in your family. They just would not understand what we have.

It's a lie... from perp:
Wow, you must have been expecting this. You are all ready for me and look how big you are.

It's a lie... from perp:
No one will every make you feel like this again.
Women, don't understand what a man really wants.

It's a lie...
Gifts from the perp are not gifts... they
are bribes and "rewards". Neither of which
were really wanted.

It's a lie... overheard mother talking:
"XXXX and his father never really did get along."
"He really never forgave his father for letting it happen."
Fact is... I told my mother. She said not to tell my father because he wouldn't be able to handle it.
The real lie? NOT ADDRESSING THE PROBLEM and blaming someone else for not doing something about it.

It's a lie... from perp:
"This time you don't have to swollow"
The truth... I didn't have a choice.

It's a lie... unspoken lie:
He cared about me. It's confusing because I don't
know what it's like to be close to a guy. I want guy friends but NOT a boyfriend.

It's a lie... personal.
Every guy out there has had it better than me.
Why can't I be like them.

It's a lie...
"He must be gay. If not, then why did he do it then and for so long.
The truth: Exreme fear, and an abusive father. There was no choice.

It's a lie... from mother:
"Just go with him, you're just going for a ride"
Right... just a ride.

A horrible lie... !
I told my sister about the perp. She said she would watch for it, and it shouldn't happen.
All of her 3 boys were molested. And still? Nothing was done about it!
Looking the other way is a big lie and betrayal.
Again, blame someone else.

The horrible secret?
My sister and brother were also molested by the same man. Punishment for the perp? Nada, zilch, zero. It's disgusting.

It's 25 years later, and I'm still impacted by the abuse that lasted almost 2 1/2 years.

It's hard reading all of these posts... but I'm glad I'm not alone.

Thank you everyone for sharing and god bless you!

Reader
I'm saddened that the list of lies keeps growing, but it always will I fear.

Your lies are our lies now, once shared a secret, and a lie, loses it's grip on us.

Stick around, there's good support and friendship here, that's the truth.

Dave

Guys - lies are sometimes hard to verbalize because for so long we thought they were true! Some lies I encountered:

* It's your fault
* Just don't let them touch you
* My body doesn't belong to me
* Anybody can do whatever they want to me
* You're not strong enough to ever stop
being a victim
* You can only be my friend if you let
me have sex with you
* You liked it because you got an erection
* It my was my fault cause it felt good
* Nobody can stop others having sex wih me
* I'm a dirty, pervert, sinful, slutty
sex crazed boy ( at 5)
* If you love me, you'll let me have sex
* Everybody does it, just don't tell your
parents
* If you tell, I'll tell them you did it
first
* There's no way you'll ever be clean
* You can't stop having sex with everybody
for the rest of your life
* Everybody will know that I've been used
for sex
* I'm broken for life - no hope, no rescue
* If you ever knew the real me, you would
see I really am rotten and no good
* You will never have anything good
* You deserve crap from everybody

THESE ARE JUST SOME OF THE LIES that screwed up my head and kept my walls high, thick and impregnable. These lies were locked deep behind my walls to keep my inner self dark, smelly and sick.

AS I LET LIGHT COME THROUGH THE WALLS, the lies were seen for just what they are!!! The more light the less lies...Light takes the darkness away; the walls fall and life begins for real!

Howard

Outis,

Thanks for this image:

It must have been hard to write. I just want you to know that it is helpful to me.

Green

Green,

I remember writing it, and you're right, it was hard. But it was worth it. I'm glad it helped.

Thanks,

Joe

It's a lie that I'm not still carrying around some of these lies -

My therapist, "I'm on your side."

Green

I read these and I felt like crying. For all of you, for myself, for all of us who were made to feel like SHIT because someone wanted something they shouldn't have taken.

THIS IS A LIE!


I know you like it, you dirty little boy!

THIS IS A LIE!

I'm helping you.

THIS IS A LIE!

If you "get hard," you wanted it.

THIS IS A LIE!

If you came back to the abuser, you wanted it.

THIS IS A LIE!

You better not tell, or people won't love you.

THIS IS A LIE!

You can't be trusted with other children.

THIS IS A LIE!

You're "damaged goods."

THIS IS A LIE!

You're alone. You're worthless. You asked for it.

THIS IS A LIE!

You're not a man, and this is the best you can hope for.

THIS IS A LIE!

You're my bitch.

THIS IS A LIE!

You're only worth something if you're f****d.

THIS IS A LIE!

You let me do it.

THIS IS A LIE!

I never meant to hurt you.

THIS IS A LIE!

I'm the only one who'll ever love you like this.


THIS ISN'T A LIE!

You are worthy. You are loved. You are capable of loving. You are all special. I love you all, and I want nothing from you in return.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. To all of us. We will be healed.

Scot

Lies

You are not worthy of love.

Your making this all up.

You shouldn’t be allowed around your child, because you were sexually abused.

I have the right to beat you.

It’s normal for the doctor to play with your penis and testicles when you go in for a sore toe.

You're gay if I don’t want to wake up to your step-sister blowing you.

I got you your job so I can play with your ass and sexually harass you.

You went back so you wanted it.

This is normal.

I love you and I am showing you how much.
(Maybe this is true - he didn’t love me at all and he was showing that).

You can’t go home with only the elastic of your underwear on.

LIE: "Nothing ever happened to you kids."
LIE: "If anyone ever did anything, I would've killed them."
LIE: If I don't remember everything, it never happened.
LIE: I'm just making this up for attention.
LIE: If I don't say the words, then it will all go away.
LIE: I am not normal.
LIE: I'll never be normal sexually.
LIE: It wasn't a big deal.
LIE: No one will believe me.

THIS IS A LIE:
Nobody will know it if you testify against him.

THIS IS A LIE:
You won't see him in the courtroom.

THIS IS A LIE:
We can't prosecute him because it happened so much that the jury will think that you liked it.

THIS IS A LIE:
Nobody at school will know anything about this.

THIS IS A LIE:
The police and the D.A. will keep this quiet.

THIS IS A LIE:
The newspaper would never print your name because you're a kid.

THIS IS A LIE:
Your life will go on as if this never happened.

stupid lie: if you were hard, then it wasn't rape

stupid fucking lie: you wanted it

god damned lie: a female can't rape a male

another bullshit lie: she raped you and she was underage therefore you can still go to jail

lie by people who haven't been through it: i understand what you are going through

lie: a 13 year old girl can't rape a 6'8 17 year old guy

lie: you could of thrown her off you


i think i will eventually tell my story.

The biggest lie of them all....


YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF LOVE, YOU SICK LITTLE FREAK. YOU'RE A DIRTY LITTLE BOY AND NOBODY, I MEAN NOBODY WILL EVER LOVE YOU. YOUR MOTHER WILL HATE YOU. THEY'LL THROW YOU OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. YOUR FRIENDS WILL LAUGH AT YOU. EVERYONE WILL KNOW THAT YOU'RE NOT A REAL MAN, THAT YOU CAN NEVER SATISFY SOMEONE, AND YOU ARE A TOTAL LOSER. BESIDES, YOU'RE SO F***ED UP, THIS IS THE ONLY WAY YOU'LL EVER BE LOVED, SO YOU JUST BETTER SHUT UP AND ENJOY IT.

Don't believe the hype!

Scot

I was not really abused. I just tell myself that to excuse what I do now.
I tell people I was abused so they will pity me.
I tell people I was abused so they will not know how much I wanted nasty sex.
I cannot tell anyone what really happened to me.
I cannot tell anyone what I do now.
I am a dirty, nasty, sick, perverted little freak.
I will never be able to manage the horror of my life.
The abuse was pleasurable and I was a willing participant.
I am a pervert because it felt good and I fantasize about it now.
This is all I deserve because secretly I craved the abuse.
I am a disgusting little faggot.
I will never amount to anything like other, un-abused people will.
If I am happy it is only because I have forgotten what I really am.
None of my feelings are real. They are just camouflage for something awful.
I cannot cry because I am only faking.
I could never satisfy a woman.
I will always be too self absorbed to be a real friend.
I am not a real man like the other men around me.
My abusers truly cared for me. I made them happy.
I am worthless trash.
I will never find someone to love because I can only pretend to love.
I can't survive on my own.
Love is nothing more than an expression of loneliness.
Only people like me could pretend to love something like me.
My life is pointless. I may survive, but nothing more.
Recovery is a stupid exercise. It is not real, at least not for me.
I am faking the pain and fear so people will pity me.
Numbness is better than this pain.
It is better to include my abuser in my life today than to feel the pain of isolation.
I can never let people know my real thoughts.
I will fuck up the most important relationships in my life.
I cannot have the sort of relationship like the ones I see all around me.
I will never enjoy sex the way a healthy couple can.
I will never stop masturbating because that is what I am.
I am helpless, hopeless and unlovable.
I will never be happy. The way I feel now will always be the way I feel.
If you saw my real emotions you would be disgusted.
Only I know the truth about me.
It hurts too much keep trying this recovery.
I am a fuck up who will never stop sabotaging himself.
I have never done anything really worthwhile.
Everybody thinks I am weird. Everyone knows I am really fucked up.
I don't like myself because I know I am a wretch. Everyone knows it.
My life is not worth living because this is irreversible.
I will never heal. I can only survive.
I am ruined to my core and I did that to myself.
I could have stopped this from ruining my life!
As a teenager I knew better and could have stopped if I had not really like it.
Sex with me is filthy. No one except and abuser would really want it.
It does not matter if it was my fault; the abuse has dammed me.
You do not understand me if you think this is not true.

THIS IS A LIE:
Everything.

Absolutely all of it, was a bullshit lie for all of us.

Joe

THIS A LIE:THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT WE'RE DOING-ITS JUST TWO GUYS HAVING A LITTLE FUN-WE'RE NOT HURTING ANYONE.

THIS IS A LIE
There is nothing wrong with this

THIS IS A LIE
I didn't do anything - what are you talking about?

THIS IS A LIE
You always did have an active imagination

THIS IS A LIE
You always did cause trouble

THIS IS A LIE
When you attack the church, you attack God

THIS IS A LIE
Nothing happened to you

Whew! I haven't read all the above, but I just had to add my own. This was a great idea. Thanks so much

A Lie -- This is all you're good for.

A Lie -- This is what you were made for.

A Lie -- It doesn't get any better.

A Lie -- It's not worth trying to get better.

Damn it, it is difficult and painful, but I will get better. I will be whole.

Lies--practically all my mother taught me--

--that "love" is an empty word.

--that I shouldn't expect anything good to happen to me because I will be disappointed.

--that I am unable to control my emotions, unable to act appropriately.

--that what I create, the good things I do, are not worthy of notice.

--that I am doomed to failure.

These lies and others I practice to expose and put aside. The world will shift in my head and heart and I will see everything with new eyes.

its a lie: "you'll never amount to anything"
its a lie: you will never have anything
its a lie: you are evil
its a lie: no one will ever love you for you
its a lie: i cant love
its a lie: i knew what i was doing
its a lie: im a worthless piece of shit
its a lie: i can handle this
its a lie: i dont hurt
its a lie: i cant get a job
its a lie: i can sleep
its a lie: its ok
its a lie: if i just keep drinking and doing drugs i can handle it
its a lie: life is not worth living
its a lie: hurting yourself lets pain out
its a lie: i have to forgive
its a lie: i will always hurt
its a lie: i will never heal
its a lie: i will always sabatoge myself
its a lie: i am not loveable
its a lie: i will never have a normal sex life
its a lie: i dont care
its a lie: everyone i know dies on me
its a lie: everyone is out to get me
its a lie: only i can do it right.
whew.......
that felt great
great thread!

LIES HE TOLD ME:

You should be happy that we adopted you when no one else wanted you.

This is our little secret (apparently the standard line..but he actually said this all the time.)

I never meant to hurt you.

You're very special to me.

LIES I'VE TOLD AND CONTINUE TO TELL MYSELF:

He didn’t know any better because someone obviously did the same thing to him.

It was my fault that “we” got caught by mom.

It was my fault that it happened just like mom said when she caught “us.”

It was my fault that I didn’t put a stop to it when I became a teenager.

It was my fault that I liked to feel special.

The people that I’ve told can’t look at me without thinking that I’m dirty.

I should feel guilty because I felt free at his funeral.

I should feel guilty for not hating him enough for hurting me.

I will always feel damaged.

I will always have trouble enjoying sex with people I care about.

I will always have unprovoked waves of panic/shame.

I will always be afraid of my own emotions.

No one will ever understand.

I will never be able to fully communicate what's inside of me to anyone without using drugs as a tool.

I’m generally happy with my life now, so I don’t need to reach out to anyone.

After participating in Eddie's "False Beliefs" thread I had to post this here.

This is a lie:
"I'm different from everyone, even other survivors. I can't get better."

this is a lie he told me:

i love you.

he's a big fucking liar. he hurt me. he hurt all of us. that's why he made us be quiet.

i can be your daddy.

you were NEVER my daddy. as bad as my dad was, he never fucked me. i wish you never laid a hand on me. you messed up my life. scot has to live with it because i couldn't walk away.

my wife would leave me.

she should have, you sonofabitch (scot said it was okay to say this). did she know you were hurting a kid in her bed?

i hurt so much. scot tells me everyday it wasn't my fault. but it is because i believed the lied.

i'm sorry.

little scot

My list--

1) I am the family idiot.

2) My older sister doesn't need to feel any guilt for looking the other way.

3) I deserve this burden.

4) I need pity from friends and family.

5) This only happened to me because I was (and am) weak.

6) All my friends actually give a real damn.

maybe triger


'I need to know your body to coach you right'

'You make me do this. You are so bad, even your father have to leave you'

'You are fat, you are ugly, you are stupid'

'You are ugly basterd boy'

'I will kill you, kill your mother if you ever tell'

'If you let me do this, I promise I won't hurt no one else'

'You know you like to feel me in you, say I feel better in you'

Newest lie: 'You are still child, I still am in control of you'

NO YOU AREN"T ASSHOLE!

Yob tvayu mat', kalupa battard!

It's the biggest ever bullshitest LIE////

Don't worry he will get over it in time.

If that's true, then I have no concept of time

My heart is breaking after reading all of this. I can only add one more lie.

The lie of omission. The one implied. The lie you knew in your heart before the act was committed. The truth they never told you. The big lie. The real reason you feel so bad.

I think that maybe there is only one lie. and that one lie is what torments us.

Sat., 7/10/04 -PM

Aden, please don't let this thread sadden you. This is not a thread of sorrow and sadness, it's a thread of strength, victory and Truth.

We declare that Truth by proclaiming and naming the LIES. This is about what we believed, not what we believe. This is about what we have gotten over or know we will. It is about what we have beaten, not what has beaten us.

So then, it's almost two years since I started this post. I was about 2 weeks away from the NOMSV retreat in Dawn Manor, NY. Lovely name that, isn't it? So evocative, Dawn Manor.

I get up between 5 and 5:30 each day, except on weekends, although I was up at 5:20 this morning. I just couldn't wait to be awake, aware and alive. Couldn't wait.

I was at the shore before they start collecting parking fees. I read the paper on the sand while the gulls went from trash barrel to trash barrel looking for a bite.

I spent a few hours at my store, in which I have been a behind the scenes partner since it opened last fall. This morning there was a mad rush while I was there so I actually cut 12 rolls, spread mustard or mayo on some, and wrapped the finished products. I only had to unwrap six to find the ham I had labeled turkey.

At that point, it was decided I should resume my normal role, so I had an egg/ham/cheese on a roll and coffee. Oh and I got my windex and wiped all the chrome and glass within my reach.

Then I went and had my stitches out. AOK. Then I got the car washed, came home and did the dishes (gross - I let them pile up all week. But HEY, it's summer and the weather has been delicious, so I excuse the mess.)

Back to the store for a bit, and then when I went to leave, my battery was dead. Not just discharged, dead useless. Took the old one in and I still had 44% of the value left on the warranty so a replacement was reduced $22. And I thought I wasn't lucky!

Two years since I started this and I thought it's a good time to check up on my originals, so here goes.


When I wrote this I had already told 6 human beings, at various time through the years, most of them were fairly recently: 2 therapists (one was current), the only woman I ever had a physical relationship with, my longest-term friend, Rosemary (I'm not allowed to say "oldest friend", even though she is), a friend from work, Liz (I was actually in the middle of a long leave from work), and my friend JR, who had moved to Seattle and gotten married.

Since then I have told a few others. I'll just list them, in order told.

First was the 50 or so people at Dawn Manor, including the owners and staff there, who would know why I was there.

Next I count the 9 men in my small group at the retreat. I told them everything.

Back to the list:

• My Aunt and Uncle within a week of the retreat.
• Another work friend, Christine, my lunch/break partner, confidante, and audience.
• My mom.
• My doctor (well before the DRE).
• I will include each and every one who reads these forums although this is different than face to face; it still counts.

I'm pretty sure there will be others I might feel I can or should tell. I have no fear of doing so.

I'll still claim title to Freak, but I use that word in a most loving and positive way. In the good way, like now I'm a Truth-Freak or a Justice-Freak.

But I'm not sick, dirty, nasty or perverted, never was. Well, no more than anyone else can be at times. We've all had our moments I suppose. I accept mine, and I accept my responsibilty for how I acted and will act.

This is just bullshit, always was. When I look back and think of the things I have done well and right and true; when I consider the things I haven't done wrong, even though I could have very easily, I know I deserve the best. I've worked hard to be able to have what I need and want, and I will have it all, so long as I hurt no other.

Now, bring me your finest meats and cheeses. And where are the dancers?

Wrong and wrong. Every day is proof that I can manage this all quite well, thank you. I still have my, shall we say, "effects", but honestly it's mostly from inertia now and normal hesitations, or the feeling that "Ok, I can wait a bit for this. This ISN'T as urgent or disastrous as I can make it seem to be."


********************************************

So all you guys who have joined since this post was started and haven't posted here yet, give it a shot.

Say it. Tell me the lies you KNOW you will get beyond. Say it even if you don't yet quite believe that they are Lies.

Name them. Drag them out into the light and watch them shrivel away.

I've been a hit-and-run poster here for some time now. I don't get into "conversations" and discussions. I make a point, I tell a story, maybe I pose a question.

I watch. I listen. I learn. I hope that sometimes I help and maybe teach too.

EDIT

For some reason I can't edit the above just now, but near the end, I meant to say


5 minutes later......

Well, now i"ve edited, but I can't delete this post.

Se la vie.

Don
what a terrific update on this truly wonderful post.
It's so good to read your new ideas and perceptions after all this time, you've come a long way my friend.

Someday this post should be printed into a booklet for all Survivors to read and gain inspiration from, because it still inspires me.

Dave

"You're fruitycakes!"

You can never be whole. You can never have a real relationship.

Bullshit!

Wow! What a fantastic thread. I am so glad it was brought back.

Well, here goes:

Lie 1

You were a man, take it like a man.

Lie 2

Women never rape men.

Lie 3

Because female offender / male victim sexual assaults are rare they (and I) should be ignored.

Lie 4

Crying is for sissies.

jw

Implied:

1. No one else but me likes you. Everyone else thinks you're weird.
2. You'll like it.
3. I deserve to do this to you.

Here's a lie:

silence


Howard

WARNING! STRONG LANGUAGE AND TRIGGERS!


More lies the bastard told me:

I want you with me all the time. I want pictures of my "son." I won't let anyone else hurt you. I'll never hurt you like that.

You broke them all, you Goddamn useless goodfornothing motherfucker!

I hope you're either in Hell, or I can have the chance to put you there. You AND your sick friend!

You can't die enough times, or none too painfully, for me. There will never be a balancing you sick evil fuck.

Let God damn me if He wants, I just want to see you go first, prick!

Screw that, I want to be the one who throws your ass in!

THAT would satisfy me. And maybe you knowing how much I truly fucking hate you.

FUCK YOU, MR. PRICE, YOU LYING MOTHERFUCKER!




Scot

Just my two cents:

This is a lie:
God has special rules for minsters

This is a lie:
I am unlovable

This is a lie:
Life is ugly and unpleasant

This is a lie:
You're best off doing what your parents tell you

This is a lie:
There is no hope

well everyone, this is my first time posting, but i think its time, this is a really increadible thread and I thought I would give it a shot...

Lie: you could have stopped him
Lie: your fine
Lie: it didn't really happen
Lie: your weak, and being weak makes in your fault
Lie: your overreacting, it was in the past, move on
Lie: being strong is the only way survive
Lie: if you cry, it will make you weaker than you already are
Lie: you will be alright

these are all lies I have told myself or am still telling myself, even posting them as lies, I still can't see them for that.

collegecap

This is a great thread. Glad you posted CC!

Maybe I've already posted these before, but I'm just feeling anger and fury with this.

LIE: if you let me do this I won't hurt anyone else. LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE FUCKING LIE

leosha

There's some new guys here who I'm sure will have some lies to add to this long list, so I'm bumping it back up.

The lies live with us for a long long time, and we somewhere to dump them. Thank you Don for starting this post and giving us that dumping ground.

Dave

Lies

Do this and I won't hurt your sister.

I love you

It's okay, you'll thank me oneday

That never happened, you're a little perverted boy. You're the liar.

You're beautiful

Real men don't cry

Don't fight it, it will feel good.


my truth-You're a lying son of a bitch, not me! I never wanted any of that! Why did yo do that to me??

The only lie I manage here, is to delete what i really mean, and just get hurt all my life by not telling what the real lie is, and when I do tell it, nobody really think it is any big deal.
Try it someday, and say why i still have nightmares and no sleep.
Yeh, I am an adult, but you make me feel dirty and diseasded, and yeah i was, because that is what you put in my mind, and it not go away.
You take away my childhood, and you take me away from being normal adult so he hurt all his life.

ste

Lies my perps told me:

Just this time and then no more, I promise.

You liked it.

Friends do this.

Let me try this one time and if it hurts, I'll stop.

I won't tell anyone! (told about 3-4 more guys I ended up being abused by for 4 yrs.)

All you're good for is head.

You tell and everyone on this island will know you let a guy f#* you.

I'll shoot you if you even make a sound. I don't have anything to lose.

See, you must like it, you came (orgasm).

You're lucky, I usually take pictures, but I don't have a camera with me.

What a freak!


Lies I told myself:

Just this one time and they will leave me alone.

I must have liked it, I came.

I'm lucky, he didn't have a camera, so no pictures.

Some friends must do this.

I must have done something to turn him on.

Keep it all inside, maybe it'll all go away if you ignore it long enough.

The name of the game is moving on. (get over it)

What a freak!

All you're good for is head.

You're a slut, Rich. Deal with it.

You're trash.

You don't really deserve better.

If you live long enough, you'll forget it.

The lies that I was told were in numerous forms of abuse,

1. S/A lies I was told:

You liked it cause your body responded to it

If you let me suck it, it'll get bigger like mine

I did it to you, now you've got to do it to me - it's only fair...

all boys do this - but they don't talk about it

People will think you're a fag if you tell

This is our little secret This is our 'special' thing - if you tell nobodys going to believe you

2. P/A lies I was told:

Boys don't cry (not allowed to make a single sound as I was being beaten)

I'm only doing this too you cause I love you

You made me do that to you to keep you 'in line'

I'll kill you if you ever try to get away again (not allowed to move a muscle - just stand there and take it like a man)

3. M/A lies I was told:

You're so worthless - You never should of been born

You are such a disgrace to me - can't you do 'anything' right

You'll always be my 'little failure'

You're too dumb to ever amount to anything

Why can't you be smart - like your brother (he got A's - I got D's)

Males don't ever show their feelings - ever...

Never question your elders - never...

What happens in the family stays in the family

4. And The Biggest Lie I Was Ever Taught :

It's all Your Fault! - You caused Everything to happen to You!

Too many years of too many LIES... - sad that it's taken me 30+ years to realize that I was 'raised on lies'

TJ jeff

Thanks for bringing this thread out of archive,

All lies,

he will get over it,
he is not quite right upstairs
you are a freak of nature
its all your fault! (Again)
you dont love me!
you are not my child
i send you to a home
you cause all the trouble!
why is he like that?

there is loads more, but they were all f*ckin lies,

ste

Lies I made myself believe and still do sometimes.

You deserved it
You gave him that idea and made it okay
You didn't fight back enough so he kept going
No one will want you
You made your dad leave, you went a long with it and thats why he left. He doesn't want a son like you.
I'm okay, nothing happened. I close my eyes and pretend nothing happened. Someone asks about the cuts? Say you got attacked by a cat, yeah, no one can see through that.
He can't hurt you, hide under your blankets and he won't hurt you. If you turn on the lights he'll shrivel up and go away.

Damn, I'm naive.

The lies then:

If I show that I don't like it, I won't have anyone to play with

This is all I'm good for

Unconditional love comes from having sex with a man

Everyone can see how dirty I am


And the lies continue:

If I make him mad, he'll hurt me
(I'm mid 30-s. He's almost 60.)
Don't push them away or they'll never love me

I'm only as good as what I do

I'll never be good enough

If I don't look good, no one will like me

Everyone can see that I'm flawed inside

If I let you down, you'll stop loving me

If I stand up for myself, everyone will hate me

This is Truth,

1)Don't talk to Strangers.

2)Don't accept anything from Strangers...

I wear this Truth with a heavy heart.

I weep for the mistake(s) I have made...

Whicker

The common lies which I've come across are as follows:

You were flirting, so you obviously asked for/wanted it.

Homosexuals deserve it, their sexual orientation is one which automatically means they'll like "sex", or getting raped.

You are weak or not "manly" if another man over-powers you.

Male on male rape can only happen in prisons.

Lie:
Leave the dog at home - it will be frightened by the guns!
Truth:
It would have bitten your sodding head off!

Lie:
Everybody does this, no one talks about it.
Truth:
Judging by the comments here, a lot of people did but it looks as though only 50% of them knew what was going on. If it had been talked about, all hell would have broken loose.

Lie:
You're a little shark (implying that I was something special).
Truth:
I was never your shark. How many sharks swam in your sea? Well this one is much bigger now, it's got teeth and it's coming back to bite you - hope you're looking forward to your third appearance in court this Thursday. Hope you enjoyed having your name in the local community paper. Hope you enjoyed reading what the charges are against you. Hope your neighbours invited you in for some special tea. Hope at least one of the others that have approached the police since your name appeared; will now make a statement. You can argue against one statement against you, but if this becomes 2 / 3?

Lie:
You will be a better man when I have taught you. You only mentioned one other 'friend' as an example - 'a real man in the army with a beautiful wife and 2 really nice kids'.
Truth:
You didn't name him, but I worked out who it is. He is now divorced and always looks troubled. That is not a better man.

Lie:
You lied to yourself thinking that you were always going to get away with it. I lied to myself thinking that you had got away with it and that there was nothing I could do about it after so long.
Truth:
You haven't got away with it and now you know it. It's now nearly 36 years on & you are in big trouble. If the court case succeeds, then I bet a lot more paedophiles will start sweating!

I've had it with the lies - he doesn't want to know about the truth.

Best wishes ..Rik

For a friend who can not come here:

It is lie that women can not abuse men and boys, specialy when it starts when you are to young to speak.

It is lie that mother's have to 'teach' sons of sex in that way.

It is lie that you deserve to die because things you done.

It is lie that what things you done later were your 'choice', it was no choice, it was being still a child who did not know.

It is a lie that you are joke, or loser, or anything else anyone negative call you. Listen only to the words of people you respect, and that are good for you.

Andrei

this is a lie
he will kill me if i tell

a lie
he wont hurt me today

a lie
it doesnt hurt anymore cuz im used to it

a lie
i will forget this

a lie
the bruises dont hurt

a lie
im not afraid of him anymore

Lies I believed as a boy:

1. If I tell, no one will believe me.
2. If I tell, I will get thrown out of the house.
3. If I tell, it will break up my family.
4. He likes me and I’m special to him.
5. If I didn’t want this I could have said no.
6. There’s nothing to be scared about.
7. I am alone.
8. He just wants to talk this time.
9. He just wants to give me a ride home.
10. I should listen to him and not to my heart.
11. Secrets like this are okay.
12. He did it to me now I should do it to him.
13. I don’t deserve any better than this.
14. There isn’t anything better than this.
15. This is happening to me because I’m a sissy.
16. This was all my idea.
17. If I let him do this he won’t rape me.
18. It has happened so many times it doesn’t matter anymore.
19. Getting hard means I like it.
20. No one can help me.
20. I’m a big boy – I shouldn’t cry about this.
21. I am powerless.

All lies. And I know that now. But here are some that I still struggle with:

1. A drink will calm me down.
2. It was my fault somehow.
3. I don’t need help.
4. If I tell my Dad it will kill him.
5. If I tell my son he won’t love me anymore.
6. It doesn’t matter because it was so long ago.
7. It’s better to just forget it and pretend it didn’t happen.
8. I can’t talk about it.
9. I’m a man – I shouldn’t cry about this.
10. I am powerless.

There! I said it!

Larry

Here are a couple for the record:

Lies I was told to facilitate the abuse:
1. If I do these things I can be part of a special club ( For the record, there is no special club - lesson learned)
2. To be a member of the club these things have to be kept secret
3. I will have friends ( I had none at the time)
4. I am dirty for agreeing to do these things
5. I am stupid and careless

God damn I can't get these out of my head.

Lies

You're a girl if you do this.
Everyone knows your gross and sick.
Grown Ups don't lie.
Grown Ups can't lie.
My dad is gonna come back and stay for good.
My dad loves me.
My dad won't leave again.
He loves me even though he hits me, he won't do it again, he said he's sorry.
I deserve what happened cos my daddy left.
I made my daddy leave.
I have to be strong for everybody, can't make them cry. Have to make eveyrbody happy, nobody shouldn't be happy; only me.
Have to be strong for my sister.
Can't cry, never ever cry!!!


I wish I didn't cry anymore, maybe one day all my tears will be cried out and I won't be able to feel anymore.

I will cut your dick off, slice it up like pepperoni, put it on a pizza and eat it.

everything he told me is true