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#3219 - 09/16/02 11:51 AM Re: All Lies...........
RecoveringRyan Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/11/02
Posts: 28
Loc: new york state
THIS IS A LIE:
I am weird.
I am a freak.
I am not normal.
There is something wrong with me.
What the fuck is the matter with me?
I don't belong here. (everywhere, anywhere: I feel this at home, at friend's houses, in school, at work, while travelling of living abroad.)
I'm a fuckup.
I'm a disgrace to this family.
I'm a disgrace to society.
I'm a menace to society.
I am klutzy.
I am not creative.
I can't dance.
I am bad in bed.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am a nerd.
I am a geek.
I am a dork.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am a wuss.
I am a sissy.
I am weak.
I am a girl.
I am a faggot.
I am a pussy.

THIS IS A LIE:
Noone's gonna like me.
Nobody will ever love me.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am ugly.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am not sexy.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am not good enough.
I am not enough of a man.
I am an inferior human being.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am less of a man because I cannot have sex.
I am less of a man because I have sexual dysfunctions.
I am a eunuch.
I am a man-woman inbetween thing. (Thanks to somebody else's post somewhere on this site for this horribly wonderful phrase)

THIS IS A LIE:
I am an evil monster when I want sex.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am sick.
I am sick for having sadistic sexual fantasies.
For wanting to rape people. (Seems pretty sick, doesn't it? I didn't ask for it.)

THIS IS A LIE:
I was a bad little boy.
I deserved to be spanked.
I deserved to be sent to my room.

THIS IS A LIE:
Your father really loves you even though he doesn't show it very much.

THIS IS A LIE:
It's not so bad. You're making a big deal out of nothing.

THIS IS A LIE:
There are no long-term emotional effects of child abuse.

THIS IS A LIE:
All that was a long time ago.

THIS IS A LIE:
Don't you want to be a man? Don't you want to be like all the older, tougher boys? Then, here, drink this beer. (My abuser pressured me into drinking in a well-conceived attempt to get me drunk at age 13 so he could more easily have his way with me.)

THIS IS A LIE:
It'll feel good.
If feels good, doesn't it?
You like it, don't you?
You're not uncomfortable, are you?
Why are you shaking? What, are you scared? (You're goddamn right I was scared!)

THIS IS A LIE:
I am dumb.
I am stupid.
I am an idiot.
I have shit for brains.
I am booksmart but not smart.
I have no common sense.
I can't think.

THIS IS A LIE:
My parents raised the afterbirth instead of the kid.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am so lazy, if I shit in bed, somebody else would have to come spoon it out.

THIS IS A LIE:
Ryan and his father don't see eye-to-eye.
It's a father-son thing.
It's a male thing.

THIS IS A LIE:
Your mother really loves you.

THIS IS A LIE:
My parents should have favored my sister in order to make things equal between us, between I'm smarter and better at everything.

THIS IS A LIE:
I have more opportunities than my parents did.

THIS IS A LIE:
Things were tougher back then.
Things are easier nowadays.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am gross.
I am disgusting.

THIS IS A LIE:
I have a big, fat, hairy ass.
My penis is too small.

THIS IS A LIE:
Nobody likes me.
Nobody will ever love me.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am disgusting because I was sexually abused.

THIS IS A LIE:
I am unlovable because my parents didn't love me.

THIS IS A LIE:
I'm making a big deal out of nothing.


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#3220 - 09/22/02 01:56 PM Re: All Lies...........
Roy Offline
Member

Registered: 08/02/02
Posts: 184
Loc: Los Angeles
2 BIG FAT LIES I learned early in life that have governed my behavior for the better part of four decades:

1. If I don't do it, it will never get done.

2. Everybody else's needs are more important than my own.




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#3221 - 09/23/02 02:30 AM Re: All Lies...........
RJD Offline
Member

Registered: 02/18/01
Posts: 326
Loc: jefferson City, Mo,usa
THIS IS A LIE:
The age of reason is 7 years old.

THIS IS A LIE:
From that time on I should have not let anything happen happen to me.

THIS IS A LIE:
Mothers don't sexually abuse.

THIS IS A LIE:
I must have misunderstood her intentions.

THIS IS A LIE:
I turned the good she was doing for me into something dirty.

THIS IS A LIE:
I'm an ungrateful son.

THIS IS A LIE:
"Don't ever tell anyone, they just won't understand"

THIS IS A LIE:
"Do you dress right or left?", is an expression of concern.

THIS IS A LIE:
Doing to me what she did in order to find out was a loving thing to do

THIS IS A LIE:
If i were born a girl my mother would have loved me and not hurt me.

THIS IS A LIE:
If I were born without a penis my mother could have felt safer with me.

THIS IS A LIE:
If Jesus were in my family he would have done me too.

THIS IS A LIE:
I'm different than other men.

THIS IS A LIE:
I can make up for all the hurt the men in my mother's life caused her.
this includes her father, grandfather, as well as the rest of the men in the world.

THIS IS A LIE:
My mother just didn't realize what she was doing to me.

THIS IS A LIE:
All men are scum

THIS IS A LIE:
I am scum because I'm a man.

THIS IS A LIE:
Only girls need to be protected against sexual predators.

THIS IS A LIE:
"Girls are victims." " Boys score."

THIS IS A LIE:
My brother did it because I must look like a girl.

THIS IS A LIE:
My body responded, I must have enjoyed it.

THIS IS A LIE:
I must be a sissy, because this only happens to sissies and girls.

THIS IS A LIE:
I must be a girl, because at 3-4 years old my mother liked to put ribbons in my pretty curley hair.

THIS IS A LIE:
Being her "special Bobby" meant she really loved me.

THIS IS A LIE:
At 10 years old I was too old to cry at my father's wake.


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#3222 - 09/26/02 02:40 PM Re: All Lies...........
Don-NY Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/06/02
Posts: 546
Loc: Long Island, NY
This lie was unspoken but it came through loud and clear. It makes my skin crawl and fills me with a rage that could destroy an entire world. Maybe it needs destroying.

THIS IS A LIE:
I alone love you. I love you the best.

_________________________
If you understand everything, some things are just as they are. If you understand nothing, things are still just as they are.

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#3223 - 09/27/02 11:40 AM Re: All Lies...........
Carl123 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 10/11/00
Posts: 25
Loc: PA, USA
This might very well be the most intense posting I've read here. It made me cry. So I'll add my own list of lies (repetitive though they may be):

I am invisible
I am inconsequential
I am worthless
I am doomed to failure
I am doomed to repeat my mistakes
I am unforgivably rotten
I am a dirty little freak
I am a disgusting pervert
I will always live in darkness
My life is a joke
I am one big lie
I am hollow.
There is no core.
I will forever keep these secrets
I can not control myself
I am out of control
I am better off dead
Who cares?
What the fuck?
I don't care.
Leave me alone.
Go away.
Shut up and leave me alone.
Don't touch me.
I'm a loser.
I am unloveable.
I am undeserving.
I will never be happy.
I will never be at peace.
I will always be chasing something that can never be caught.
If you only knew who I really am you'd run away screaming.
They should lock me up and throw away the key.
No matter how hard I try I will never succeed.
I am and never will be good enough.
I am never satisfied.
I have never done enough.
I will never be good.
I will never succeed.
My thoughts and fantasies will kill me.

Go to hell and leave me alone because whatever you want or whatever you need from me has already been taken.

I am empty,alone,forgotten, overlooked; last week's rotten garbage left out on the curb in the sun and the rain.

I am shit.


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#3224 - 09/27/02 07:35 PM Re: All Lies...........
tofeno Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/12/01
Posts: 18
Loc: Toronto, Canada
I will never be able to be a sucess.

I will always be alone and unhappy

I am worthless and to ask for my dreams is a waste of time

I will always feel like this ( shitty)

I am so stuck in my Mom's house and I have accomplished alot but can not feel that at all. I feel right now that I will always be in this position and that life will never improve. I feel like in the last month I have let him win and the posion he inflicted on my soul and body is wearing me into the ground.

God help me

_________________________
The search for love continues even in the face of great odds.

bell hooks

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#3225 - 03/28/03 01:41 AM Re: All Lies...........
Thad Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/28/01
Posts: 1752
Loc: Oakland, CA
I like this post string so much - that I didn't want it to be burried - deserves rethinking too

_________________________
"..this place isn't a discussion forum..it's a portal..." Lupin
"The truth will set you free, but first it will probably piss you off." dwf's AA sponsor.

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#3226 - 03/28/03 03:21 AM Re: All Lies...........
Jess Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/26/03
Posts: 107
Loc: California
Thanks, Thad. You are right about this post. It is a good one. It was hard to read this because of the way I could relate to all these lies. I don't have the energy to add my list right now. Maybe sometime later.

Thanks, again.
Sincerely, Jess.


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#3227 - 03/28/03 06:28 AM Re: All Lies...........
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Yes, there are so many new guys here since this list was started, and I'm sure they muast have some to add

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#3228 - 03/28/03 06:52 AM Re: All Lies...........
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
no1 lie i told myself:
-i'm fine. there's nothing wrong with me.

that one lie kept me from getting help and healing for over thirty years. it goes hand in hand with:
- i can handle this.
- everyone does it.

the biggest problem i found with lies is that they become habit. you lie to yourself and then to others to cover how screwed up you are, and before long your lying about dumb crap. when i hit bottom, my wife confronted me with a list of lies i had told her two miles long. stupid lies about buying stuff or spending money, about porn and about every aspect of my life. the best thing i ever did was stop lying, and i hate it more than anything now.

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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