I don't know why I feel I have to say this and I hope it doesn't offend anyone. I've never spoken about this.
I don't have DID but my father did.

Although he was never officially diagnosed or anything, he had it and I know this because growing up it wasn't just him abusing me. It was like being abused by dozens of different people, only they were all in the same body.

At certain times when he said he couldn't remember, he really couldn't remember. It was completely insane. He would tell me to do something and I'd start doing it, an hour later he'd be someone else and he'd be pissed that I was doing what he told me to do. I didn't get it then, I just thought he was acting, just trying to fuck with my mind.

So do I accept some of the things he did because he was sick? I don't think so.

The whole topic of DID freaks me out. I know people have it and they can't help it, I know not everyone is the same and it seems like many have it under control. My father was dangerous, all of his personalities were dangerous. It wasn't bad enough not knowing what would come next, I never knew WHO would come next. I had to keep a journal just to keep track of all the things he'd say and do and I'd have to try and figure out which one was coming for me so I'd know how to deal with him.

Sometimes he'd have conversations with himself and he would talk in two different voices, they'd talk about "where they'd dispose the body." It freaked me out beyond belief when I was a kid and it still freaks me out. Reading about it triggers me so I try to stay away from the topic. Then again, I don't want to be ignorant about it either and I don't want to avoid those who have it just because it effected my life.

I'm sorry if this bothers anyone who has it. It's not personal, just my experience with it which is probably trivial compared to actually having it. Thanks for reading.
JB

Jbells.

This is exactly what I have to do to manange my DID. I never thought about it or journaled as I thought it was just me.

I believe my mom has DID or some form of it. I am in touch with my anger at being treated poorly. NO excuse - Even if she is "sick". I need to manage mine and not have it affect my family or friends. I am responsible and so is she. She chose not to "manage" it.

It is great to hear your story although I am sorry you had to endure such behavior at the hands of your dad.

Peace,
DJ-Donnie

Thanks for the reply DJ. I'm sorry you have it and again if I come off as judgemental when I talk about it I really don't mean too.

It's something that has always freaked me out and I've never spoken about it until now. I'm trying to learn more about it and deal with it. There's no excuse for my fathers actions even if he was sick. Educating myself about it won't change anything. But maybe if I have a better understanding of it I'll be able to deal with it and get past some of the triggers I have about it.

Once in a while he acted like a kid and he'd want to play with me, which was fine except he wasn't a kid and he'd play too rough, he'd break stuff and do bad things, mischievous things that a typical kid would do. In a matter of hours he'd be some adult version again and blame me for the bad things he'd done earlier. Having no memory what so ever of doing these things he automatically assumed it was me who messed up the house or broke something so he'd punish me severely. The next day he'd have no memory of beating me and he'd demand to know who hurt me, who I got in a fight with and why and when I couldn't tell him, well, it just went on and on and on.

So what was I supposed to do? I couldn't tell him it was him doing all these things, if I told him that I was a liar and one
thing he really hated was a liar.

So confusing and so scary.

Thanks again.
Justin

YOU don't sound judgemental to me. I appreciate you saying this.

Understanding DID is helpful in order to manage it which includes having feelings about "it". I understand the confusion and it is scary. BUT we dont have to be scared anymore.

I hear you. I try to keep "things" simple so, I may not give full replies.

Justin, your awesome to be "looking" at this issue of DID and how it affects you. As a dad myself, you deserved a loving NONE confusing relationship with your dad. What is cool you can be there for the little Justin in you. We can walk with you in your journey.

Heal well my brother,
Donnie

I'm so sorry you had to go thru all that. It is so hard for me to manage and keep some sanity as I'm married with kids. I Thank God that I haven't done anything that I would regreat. I take all percautions, have thing's worked out with my family and will check myself into the Hosp. if I need to. It scares me so much to know that at any moment something might happen. For the past few years I have been doing really good and we have been working together. I know everyone's diffrent and it takes a long time to get things worked out and as was said earlier, if the person want's to get better, they can, but if not, they won't -Dude

I'm glad you've been doing really good over the past few years and I'm glad that you want to get better. My father is not interested in getting better. I'm not sure he even realizes he has a problem to begin with. Part of me is still not convinced he's even as sick as he acts. How did he possibly get so far in life with all this going on inside him? There is a lot I don't understand about it and a lot of things I'm not ready to know about it. I do know one thing, it's a nice relief to be able to talk about it and not feel threatened. Thank you for being here.
Justin

we think it's a mistake we're alive

Can you explain?