Newest Members
RodrigoBR, MJ545, Marant, BeingFound, journey4two
12332 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
blueelectron9 (48), Grunty1967b (2014), highflight (42), jocks44 (54), kitm1 (47), Porrick (44)
Who's Online
2 registered (pattom, 1 invisible), 25 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12332 Members
74 Forums
63413 Topics
443349 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5 >
Topic Options
#318937 - 01/14/10 11:29 PM Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS***
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
---Trigger Warning---

Maybe I am experiencing survivor guilt, but one thing I wonder is why did I live through it. During the initial rape I screamed/cried. My abuser put his hand over my mouth and other hand around my throat, I was pretty much passing out when he finished and let go. It had nothing to do with a decision not to kill me. He watched me for a moment as if to see if I would breath, then kicked me and told me to get my ass in the truck. At another point, he forced me into oral sex and literally choked me with it while pleasuring himself, again only stopping when he had satisfied himself. He played russian roulette with my brother and had me do the same with another kid (gun actually went off but I missed). Not to mention he actually killed animals in front of me, including pets, and had me participate. All of which leads me to wonder why I didn't die.

His general demeanor during the ordeal leads me to believe he probably had killed a boy if not before me, then since. Essentially, the kidnapper was my uncle (father's brother). It ended when my mother came and took us back (no small task, she literally had to escape with a ten and an eight yo boy). The sheriff, although he made sure we got out of the county, did nothing to my uncle. I think he saw it as a "domestic situation". (BTW, anyone who thinks a relative kidnapping is somehow less damaging should do some research) Has anyone else survived a kidnapping? If so, how were you rescued? How did you cope? Did you cooperate or fight tooth and nail? How did you cope when returning to you home?



Edited by ModTeam (01/15/10 12:29 PM)
Edit Reason: Add Trigger Warning
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#318954 - 01/15/10 01:48 AM Re: Kidnap Survival [Re: catfish86]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
catfish

Yes, I went through something similar.

I described it at length in pufferfish story part 5.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...9028#Post219028

It is very ugly stuff and probably very triggering.

Allen


Top
#318986 - 01/15/10 12:07 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: pufferfish]
Har Offline


Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 12
Loc: The Pacific Northwest
I also survived a kidnapping. I won't go too far into detail. It's pretty triggering.

---TRIGGER WARNING---

I was kidnapped by a stranger on my way home late from school when I was 11. There were two men. I was not raped or assaulted. Beaten, yes.

I was locked in a basement type room. They did horrible things to girls my age and made me watch. I never participated, however. They never really said anything to me, other than to shut my mouth and not to cry.

They had me for over a year. They fed me. But tortured my mind with the things they made me witness. Eventually, the main guy told me they wanted an "apprentice" as they called it. Someone to lure the girls to them. I never ever once talked. I just nodded or shook my head no.

Everyday I tried to find a means of escape. It was nearly impossible. I thought they would kill me if I tried. I was compliant. In being so cooperative, they gave me more freedom to move about the house. They let me upstairs when they left for a few days out of town. I promised to not leave the house. ((yeah, I didn't keep that promise.))

After they left, I searched the house and found three girls tied up in the upstairs bedroom. We escaped and survived. They got the guys, thankfully. We were only a mile from my house. We flagged a passing car because we were scared of the neighbors too. It was a small neighborhood, but the houses were spaced pretty far apart. The cops came and took us all home. It was a blur, almost. My parents never gave up searching for me, even though everyone thought I was dead.

I feel guilty for what I saw. Some say I'm a hero for getting those girls out. The girls say I'm a hero. I don't feel like one. Why didn't I fight? I remind myself that if I had, I would have lost my life, and no one would have caught these guys. I was pretty small for my age, and they were much bigger.

There's a lot of guilt that they never sexually assaulted me, but they hurt these girls in front of me. It took a long time for me to find my sexuality because of it. My girlfriend is amazing and patient. I suffer PTSD pretty badly. Although I've grown into a pretty big guy, I still flinch sometimes when I'm out and about. Working on that.

Sorry this is really long... And I hope it's not too much info. Just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

-Har



Edited by ModTeam (01/15/10 12:28 PM)
Edit Reason: Add Trigger Warning
_________________________
"We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty."
-Captain Malcom Reynolds, Firefly

Top
#318998 - 01/15/10 01:20 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: Har]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
Har, I am working on my own reactions. I admire your actions. I, at some point, figured if I was compliant and pleasing, I might live but it would be painful and I might die if I resisted. My brother realized resistance was useless but was not actively compliant with the sexual stuff. He also feared him enough to keep his mouth shut. As we were being taken to his farm was when he raped us each at a different stop. After my rape, a state trooper pulled us over. A guy and 2 kids in a pickup on a highway in the mountains. The trooper shined a light on me and asked me if I was OK because I "don't look too good". I remember I was bleeding and everything in my pants, I had been crying in a ball on the floor, but I just said, "I'm OK sir, I'm just tired". I was so scared and confused it was beyond comprehension. After about 2 weeks when my mother took us from the farm, I would have told on her if I had the chance. At times I tell myself I was 8 yo, at others I don't know wht to think about myself.

Funny thing is after we got back to our home, nobody asked us what my uncle had done to us that I can remember. Two of my uncles went with my mother to retrieve the belongings that had been left behind but when they tried to get a deputy to accompany them the sheriff told them it wasn't worth getting anybody killed and ordered them to leave the county. Other than that, we just went about our lives.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#319017 - 01/15/10 04:26 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: catfish86]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
yes, nobody saved me though. they left me in the middle of trash when finished, and i had to put myself together and go back home on my own. i didn't fight, i didnt do anything at all. the coping was bad, i dont think i ever coped with it right until today. just push it out of my mind most of the time, but it comes back from time to time, just like now.

itll be 2 years in 10 days since.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



Top
#319020 - 01/15/10 05:25 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: user2007]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 189
Loc: USA
How does one run away, when there is nowhere to go? How does one fight, when it is futile to resist?

It's called being stuck.


Top
#319035 - 01/15/10 08:21 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: GeorgeMartin]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
Although I was never kidnapped or tortured physically (we all know mental torture)I was forced into sex against my will. Do we ever heal this side of heaven? I imagine some do somewhere in the world, but no one I've spoken to or read about here has yet.Like Douglas Lloyd wrote, how could we have resisted? We were pretty young and powerless.
Sometimes I wonder what I would have been like if this all had not occured.....


Top
#319092 - 01/16/10 12:56 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: alan55]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
Thanks for your replies and PMs. I am trying to work through my own actions. Some of these, have reasons and rationales behind them that are not so sinister. In other cases, I guess I just need to understand it was not me that chose to put myself in the situations that I was forced to react to. What can you do? I am mad at myself for being broken so easily by a sick, twisted and powerful adult. I am mad at myself for the acting out I did as a sexualized child. This was the only thing really treated. By the time these incidents played out into treating me for my behaviors, the base incident was firmly buried and denied. In many ways, it is amazing that I did not completely crumble yet I am mad and judgmental for the ways that I did.



Edited by catfish86 (01/16/10 12:59 PM)
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#319105 - 01/16/10 02:45 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: catfish86]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
I stumbled across this one a few days ago. As far as I know he doesn't come into MS anymore, but I found it interesting.

I survived a serial killer, by victor-victim

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=76022#Post76022

Allen


Top
#319107 - 01/16/10 02:59 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: pufferfish]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I haven't read the thread.
This was in the Shelter I was abandoned in and where the worst of my abuse occured for 4 years I was tortured and sexually victimized as well as prevented from having any human interaction that wasn't abuse related.They wanted to be sure I could not out perform the black kids in my group. They took pains to physically cripple me because I was still doing well in spite of all the torture.
I have begun to wonder if I wasn't being held prisoner and hidden from site when I was being kept in that closet in the dark. I was not allowed outside or to leave a very small area when I finally was allowed outside. I did escape once but the person who found me called the cops and they took me back and didn't believe my pleas and fear, to not take me there was rational or real. Once again called a coward for being a normal child.
I have deduced this was the beginning of the torture meant to destroy my mind as even in the sixties it was known what depravation of stimuli would do to a brain. I think I had already heard something that they wanted to stop me from reporting. The man/older kid in charge of this really enjoyed watching me devolve.
Man those people are scum. I'd like to see them all in a bronze bull.



Edited by kidneythis (01/16/10 03:01 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#319109 - 01/16/10 03:11 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: catfish86]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
*****triggering*****

you know, i never thought much about the impact of this, i've recanted the story so many times, but this is the first time i am processing the feelings around this particular event in my abuse history. i was lured into an vacant conference room in the downtown Y in norfolk when i was stationed there, and then once in, i was trapped there and held captive at knifepoint and forced into ..... well, you get the picture. eventually, he finished with me ..... and then leaving me naked and covered in s**t and blood from being forcibly raped anally, he let me go but not before robbing me. i had to clean myself off with the drapes. i remember being in a daze as i wandered out of the place and tried to find my way to a familiar place where i could take a bus back to the base. that's all i remember ......

just revisiting this and remembering it again is very hard. i can still feel 'me' reacting to the situation.

to know we've all felt this same feeling makes me feel more closely related to all of the people here.

so sad eek shocked cry

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


Top
#319111 - 01/16/10 03:29 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Sans Logos]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
(((((Ron)))))

Safe hugs. I did not enter what happened to me as I as an adult but I too was held against my will at gun point and ... well ..

I have alot of compassion for all. Being a csa survivor and a sa survivor and I can understand the "affects". I am sure there is "thinking" and "processing" differences.

We are all survivors and healing together.

Donnie

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#319213 - 01/17/10 08:55 PM Re: Kidnap Survival **TRIGGERS** [Re: kidneythis]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
In some ways I am angry that everything was swept under the rug. I don't remember anyone asking me what my uncled had done to us nor any physical exam which would have told everything they needed to know (10 years later, military entrance exam spotted the damage and asked me if I liked boys, etc). The sheriff never pushed the kidnapping angle. But in other ways, at least there is no publicity. People don't recognize me on the street as that kid in the news stories so long ago. There was no news story. I can only imagine what a kid that has experienced publicity over their incident must deal with. Like the Shaun Hornbeck kidnapping, everyone breathlessly wonders if he was sexually abused (a real rocket science issue there). In some ways though from some of the interviews, they (his parents)never really asked him either. Obviously, that did occur. I can talk about this stuff on this site but to have to whispering and comments about how you did or didn't do this or that would be devastating.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#319908 - 01/24/10 04:19 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Sans Logos]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
when I was 19 , i was held captive by a man in his car, he robbed me and he and 2 of his friends raped me. i was drunk, trying to get home before my parents woke . i took a ride with a man who didnt have door handles inside his car. after they finished raping me i was left in the middle of the desert and had to find a way home. This happened in Saudi Arabia and i know i should of been dead. I wanted to tell you that i put myself in danger by hitchhiking . I was drunk and the man saw that i was an easy mark. my shame is that i was so wasted that i couldnt fight back. i made it home and never told a soul till now.i have horible feelings about letting myself get so drunk that i lost my composure and therefore i couldnt take care of myself. nomansanisland

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

Top
#320529 - 01/28/10 09:27 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: nomansanisland]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
I met with my pastor today and shared some of my experiences. One thing I kept going back to is that although I cooperated and cozied up to the sick bastard, it is quite common to have this happen in those that have survived. That is the reason why, by bonding with the perp, it becomes harder for the perp to kill or hurt the victim. I remember reaching that conclusion that resistance could result in pain and death while pleasing him could result in pleasure or at least less pain and maybe survival and even acceptance. What a sick choice.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#320667 - 01/30/10 01:50 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: catfish86]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
i dont have a problem with doing what i had to do to keep myself alive. it was all survival. as for being groomed by my abuser, yes , we have to "BOND" with the prep to keep ourselves from being hurt further. Never did i consider his pleasure their pleasure or my own... i will not link doing what i had to do to survive with anyones pleasure. my expierence is specific to my life. i will venture to guess, that whatever your modalities were for your expierence they will be different from mine or someone elses'...

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

Top
#322425 - 02/17/10 12:14 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: nomansanisland]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
One thing I realized this morning is that I did not before, even though it may be obvious was that the whole thing was a thoroughly planned ambush. My uncle invited us weeks before. He knew he was going to pick me and my brother up alone and would have a week before our mother would appear. He wasted no time and was deliberate, looking back on it, in breaking us down. I have sinced learned he is retired Army and had spent time in Korea and Vietnam. While MOST of our soldiers behaved well, many did not and sometimes in a well thought out pattern. I can only imagine what techniques he gathered and how, but from talking to SEARS (Basically a POW survival training for the US Armed Forces) graduates and one guy that participated in writing the curriculum, I know that many of the things he did to us were textbook for breaking POWs for control and information. He isolated us, forced me to betray and participate in killing a cat that had been a comfort to me, sparked fights between me and my brother, forced us to watch each other be raped, humiliated and defiled us, threw in very misplaced sympathy and caring, invoked extreme fear and near death events among other techniques. All of this was aimed at a 10yo boy and a developmentally delayed 8yo boy. Motivated, trained adult men serving their country are broken by these techniques. The guy that participated in writing the curriculum told me a main objective of the course was preparing the survivors to deal with what happened to them and what they would be forced into. What a perverted piece of shit my uncle was.



Edited by catfish86 (02/17/10 12:24 PM)
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#322491 - 02/17/10 11:45 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Logan]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
Thanks for your post. It helps me to understand what was done to me. One of the most traumatic things is I don't believe the speed with which I broke. I think others don't believe that I should have been so cooperative so quickly. By the time my mother arrived in a week I was completely in control. There was a time I actually sought his comfort, crawling into his bed because I was scared. I had to know what would happen and it did. I even felt comforted by it. That thought has led to a very distracted day for me but in a large way it is a huge connection in what I did. After all, I had been turned in two weeks to the point that I would have told on my own mother if I had the means to do so.

Although after reviewing that site I will say that I do not buy the spanking is always abuse line, there is a difference between abuse and appropriate discipline despite differences in method.



Edited by catfish86 (02/18/10 01:00 PM)
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#322497 - 02/18/10 12:56 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
***triggering***

Originally Posted By: catfish86

He wasted no time and was deliberate, looking back on it, in breaking us down. I have sinced learned he is retired Army and had spent time in Korea and Vietnam. While MOST of our soldiers behaved well, many did not and sometimes in a well thought out pattern. I can only imagine what techniques he gathered and how, but from talking to SEARS (Basically a POW survival training for the US Armed Forces) graduates and one guy that participated in writing the curriculum, I know that many of the things he did to us were textbook for breaking POWs for control and information. He isolated us, forced me to betray and participate in killing a cat that had been a comfort to me, sparked fights between me and my brother, forced us to watch each other be raped, humiliated and defiled us, threw in very misplaced sympathy and caring, invoked extreme fear and near death


Originally Posted By: Logan
what you describe has various names, one being, "Coercive Persuasion"
...
It was employed on Korean and Vietnam POW's with with incredible results of that being many of the soldiers defected against their own country within only a few days! At the time, this baffled the Intelligence Community.
...
At the time no one could believe that longtime soldiers could defect in such a small period of time.
...
many of the same methods of mind control used by the Chinese Communists on American POWs during the Korean War. These thought reform techniques, used by the Communist psychologists on captured U.S. soldiers, were of concern to our government because of the speed with which the enemy was able to cause
...
In post-war years, some behavioral scientists here in the U.S. apparently became quite fascinated with what they considered the speed and effectiveness of these methods. For whatever purpose, they took, and refined them into highly sophisticated, powerful tools capable of inducing severe psychological and emotional stress in individuals, often without their knowledge or consent."


I read these statements with great interest because I was also subjected to this kind of treatment during my time of captivity at the scout camp when I was 12-years-old.

pufferfish story part 5 (very triggering)

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...9028#Post219028

My perpetrator must have been a student of military behavior and no doubt had carefully read of the behavior of the Chinese and North Koreans. I believe he was trying out the techniques described by Catfish and Logan on me. Since he was in charge of groups of scouts all summer long, I believe he must have perpetrated this activity on different boys every two weeks during the summer. Because of the similarities between behavior of my perpetrator and that of Catfish, I wonder if he was involved on the "ground level" in some kind of military training passed on to Catfish's perpetrator in the US Army.

The techniques used on me during a 2-week stint involved: I was kidnapped by being taken from bed during sleep and taken to an isolated tent. I experienced sexual degradation before peers and before the perpetrator, I was held captive by being tied to the bed and raped repeatedly. I was kept nude, and tortured by having objects stuck up my rectum. I watched another boy killed by a sexual act. He was deepthroated which lead to asphyxiation. I watched the perpetrator carry him off limp. I was deepthroated the next night resulting in asphyxiation. This procedure (deepthroating resulting in asphyxiation) was probably the psychological equivalent waterboarding. I was subjected to repeated threats (dozens of times each day) with a knife held against my chest. I was told that if I ever "told" I would be found and killed. I was starved and deprived of drink. During the captivity I was brought only one peanut butter sandwich and a coke in a bottle. Then the bottle was then forced up my anus after a sock was stuffed in my mouth. I was released after all other boys and parents had left the camp.

The knots tied in the ropes restraining me were beautifully done, by someone who really knew how to tie knots. My perpetrator was in charge of teaching knot-tying at the boy scout camp. These events took place at Camp Theodore Roosevelt on the Chesepeake Bay. The camp was the summer camp of the National Area Council of the Boy Scouts of America. is no longer used by the boy scouts. I believe the area is now Sandy Point State Park in Maryland.

My T (therapist) whom I was seeing when I remembered these things (I remembered when I was about 45) contacted the Boy Scouts about what I had said in pufferfish story part 5. I also telephone office of the National Area Council of the Boy Scouts in Washington D.C. Their response was that those records were closed and sealed and packed away.

http://www.dnr.state.md.us/publiclands/southern/sandypointmap.html


What was done to me resulted in great psychological damage. My doctor found calcified scar tissue on my anus when I was about 40, before I actually remembered these events. I have seen several different T's. None of them has questioned the truthfulness of my statement.

Allen

pufferfish sick





Edited by pufferfish (02/18/10 12:28 PM)
Edit Reason: Additional material was added and edited for claity of expression

Top
#322503 - 02/18/10 01:38 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
saphsaph Offline


Registered: 02/16/10
Posts: 20
Loc: MA, USA
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
***triggering***

My T whom I was seeing when I remembered these things contacted the Boy Scouts about what I had said in pufferfish story part 5. Their response was that those records were closed and sealed and packed away.

What was done to me resulted in great psychological damage. My doctor found calcified scar tissue on my anus when I was about 40, before I actually remembered these events. I have seen several different T's. None of them has questioned the truthfulness of my statement.

Allen

pufferfish sick



Don't mean to insult you by adding any levity to the situation, but I wish there was some sort of site acronym translation thing. x_X

I'm new to talking about what I went through, or getting any help, so maybe that's why I don't know a lot of these words.

So far today I learned csa, gbt, p, per, perp, several others, someone's post was something like, "My fm perp had me in n/c inc csa which led me to pstd"

I stared at that T in your post for 3 minutes. I finally realized you mean therapist! ... ... I think...

I was a scout, and it was a break/freedom from what I suffered from my uncle at home. But with so many people who suffered because of them... My nephew is going to enter soon, but I'm too scared, and I don't know if he should.


Top
#322555 - 02/18/10 04:37 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Logan,

What you describe was heinous. I know you have a T (therapist). Of course you will talk this out with your T. Do you know anything about the other boy? His identity or what happened to him?

What they made you do was very wrong and very destructive of you and the other boy. The emotions will recede with time and as you talk them out.

I tend to think there are/were some kidnap rings and that some of these perps are the same for some of us. The ones we have reported here were separated a lot in time. I have been looking at the Johnny Gosch website where there is a lot of kidnap stuff reported. The way in which Johnny Gosch was tied was very reminiscent of my experience. Remember that I said that my perp taught the course in knot - tying at the boy scout camp?

My perpetrator was involved in teaching how to tie such knots as this in the boy scout camp. Is this a smoking trail?

Allen

pufferfish





Edited by pufferfish (02/19/10 07:55 PM)
Edit Reason: picture no longer available

Top
#322576 - 02/18/10 09:39 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
This thread has helped me so much. I have started to realize what had happened to me and my brother. I have learned that what I did was not strange or perverted. I was not in control, I was only reacting the best I could. When I first recovered the memories, I was hating myself for what I did. I literally had no chance and no choice. I cannot blame myself for what that evil sob did to me. Brainwashed is what happened, plain and simple. He had a week with us unfettered and we had no defense. I am so thankful that my mother did get us out of there. Had I been there more than two weeks, it is hard to say how much worse the damage may have been. Insanity may not have been out of the question. SCREW YOU UNCLE, CATFISH LIVES!!! Meanwhile, in your own special corner of Hell, burn without end...

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#322663 - 02/19/10 05:56 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Logan]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Sorry to hear that Logan, my last incident was when I was hitchhiking at age 18, it came at the point of a gun too. It was the hardest of 11 different perps to deal with. Really, I dealt with my first 10 perps and made great progress in my life, while leaving this one out. I only discussed it with 1 of 6 therapists before I found MS. I would have a hard time believing that it was this guy's first time either.

As most young guys enter their teenage years, they start taking chances on meeting people outside of the family. It is a normal stage of development, complicated by a child's undeveloped sense of trust and sense for seeing potential harm in situations. At that age you were dependent on the adults in your life for your support, and you were dependent on adults to look-out for your better interests, and this guy obviously took great advantage of your youthful inexperience. Did this guy give you drugs or alcohol, maybe let you watch R or X-rated movies, perhaps give you special privileges that you couldn't get at home?

If he did, he was guilty of enticing you, getting you dependent on him. Was he friendly at first, before he became a monster? Where were your folks in all of this? Perhaps you weren't getting your needs met at home, and this guy seemed to fill the void at home? That is why you went back. I know that later on we sometimes wonder why we went back, I have a couple of incidents where I went back too. Access to pot and alcohol was involved in my case, something that I didn't have at home, I was with my next-door neighbor, who was 2 years older, and I was trying to act cool. He took advantage of my trust too.

Remember, my man, you were a kid who could not have consented to what this guy did to you. Plenty of kids that age find positive relationships with adults outside the family where they are not taken advantage of, which is generally a positive experience in their development.

Keep up the good work Logan, what happened wasn't your fault.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#322675 - 02/19/10 08:02 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
jtafoya11 Offline


Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 24
Loc: new mexico
this randy readed your posting about your abuse it was hard to reAd but i know others are abused far worse than me but we are ALL SURVIVOR.

_________________________
Randy Tafoya

Top
#322678 - 02/19/10 08:35 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: jtafoya11]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
I think we all need to remember that the reason why these perps choose those younger and defenseless is that they know all the answers and pull the strings. What was I going to do? There was one night, I think it was after he had me fetch and participate in killing a cat that had trusted and comforted me at night, where I actually crawled into bed with that SOB looking for safety. I told him I was scared and I WAS. His comfort was gentle abuse and I was comforted for there was no other comfort. He had backed me into a corner and I had no other options. In being a parent, I realize how vulnerable my children truly are. To take control and advantage of a child like this has to be one of the ultimate forms of evil. Just remember Logan that you did survive it. Sometimes, and I forget to do this sometimes, you have to look at the world on a sunny day and be thankful and take joy in being alive.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#322798 - 02/20/10 11:18 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Found another post relevant to this thread:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...7072#Post287072

When you view this, make sure you click on the link tab.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


Top
#322809 - 02/21/10 12:31 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
Sorry, that was too painful to read. This whole thing sucks bad. Why are there such evil bastards in this world?

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#322917 - 02/22/10 12:22 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: catfish86]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
I have been trying to collect in my mind what the damage that resulted from this abuse.

I am going to reconstruct a doodle I made when I returned to school in the 7th grade and post it within the next few days. I know that I was never again free from depression. I am also going to scan a couple more pictures of me as a child and post them. I also think that I have had a repetitive dream of fleeing from my perp. I hope he doesn't read this because he might enjoy that I suffered. I think they show different states of DID. I was never treated for DID as a child and it is difficult to reconstruct how it might have been. But it is too late tonight to do all of this.

Allen


Top
#323052 - 02/23/10 12:37 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
I still have remnants of DID. I don't think I lose time but I think what happens is that an alternate personality doesn't sleep well. During the night he has an alternate train of thought which I am only marginally aware of. That alter is very paranoid and sexualized. Some might call it a dream but it is much more than a dream. It is as though the body part of me is trying to sleep but the other guy is lying there restlessly and carrying on a paranoid and/or sexualized stream of thought.

Today I awoke in the midst of one of those wretched struggles. I don't know whether it was that same personality or not but I definitely had some DID stuff going on. I was conscious of what was happening during the day and so it didn't involve amnesia. I am still not aware of this night stuff. This night stuff is still hidden by the amnestic barriers. I believe I have been like that since I was 12. It was really hard (read impossible) to shake that and I went on into much of the day with that "personality". It was much more than just being "moody". I am beginning to become aware of this going on and so that may be the beginning of healing of it.

Allen


Top
#330445 - 05/01/10 02:17 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: catfish86]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: catfish86
This thread has helped me so much. I have started to realize what had happened to me and my brother. I have learned that what I did was not strange or perverted. I was not in control, I was only reacting the best I could.


That thread also helped me a great deal. Thank you catfish for starting that thread! It helped a lot to share the matter with the other guys.

Me too. I pretty much had the same feelings as you did.

Allen

pufferfish whistle





Edited by pufferfish (05/01/10 04:04 PM)

Top
#335044 - 07/01/10 04:17 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
This afternoon on NPR Talk of the Nation:

Interview with a guy kidnapped by the TALIBAN.

Jere Van Dyk, The Taliban's 'Captive' For 45 Days

Summary by NPR (July 1, 2010):
In 2008, Jere Van Dyk set off from Kabul, Afghanistan, to write the authoritative book on the Taliban. He never imagined he'd be taken their prisoner. That February, he became only the second American journalist captured by the Taliban. In Captive (his book), he tells his story at greater length.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128244068

His book, Captive, by Jere Van Dyk:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/080508827X/

He was not held for sexual reasons. Some of his captors were "reptilian". This interview will be available to listen to at 6pm today (Eastern time) by means of on-line audio. He talked a lot about the psychological effects of captivity including the Stockholm syndrome. In other words, I survived in part because I complied with everything asked of me.

I found this broadast extremely interesting and helpful. I listened as someone who was held captive as described in this thread.

Allen

pufferfish whistle





Edited by pufferfish (07/01/10 04:27 PM)
Edit Reason: book link

Top
#367443 - 08/04/11 11:05 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1184
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/18/13 03:08 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

Top
#392219 - 04/04/12 09:08 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: lapchinj]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
bump
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
#402800 - 07/06/12 09:28 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
bump

Top
#406206 - 08/08/12 01:14 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Jaycee Dugard. I know she's not a male, but her case is kind of the prototype kidnap survival story now.

http://www.amazon.com/A-Stolen-Life-Memoir/dp/1451629192/

She is going to try to sue the Federal Government.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/07/jaycee-dugard-lawyers-parole-phillip-garrido_n_1754110.html

I have started reading her book because I also experienced kidnap. I'm just a few pages into it so far. But what I see so far is that when she "returned" she felt a lostness as to how her experience fit into the world around her. That's something I experienced. I still experience that and it became a mega-problem after I remembered the details of my kidnap experience.

I also observe that it's her unusual determination that was part of her survival.

Puffer






Edited by pufferfish (08/08/12 10:45 PM)

Top
#422150 - 01/15/13 11:31 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Here's another story about a kidnap victim. Also female but it seems relevant to this thread:

http://news.yahoo.com/20-years-katie-beers-says-kidnapping-saved-her-080144010.html

Puff

Top
#422161 - 01/15/13 01:35 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: catfish86]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
This is relevant too:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...8156#Post378156

I'd heard this guy's story first in the newspaper, under his real name, before I knew he'd been / was here.
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#422188 - 01/15/13 08:31 PM * [Re: catfish86]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/29/13 02:06 PM)

Top
#449204 - 10/04/13 07:25 PM Re: * [Re: Smalltown80sBoy]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Elizabeth Smart

Kidnapped about a dozen years ago. Tonight she is to be interviewed on NBC TV at 10 Eastern (9Central).

One of the questions: Were there times when you could have escaped?

Puffer

Top
#449212 - 10/04/13 09:46 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 3333
Loc: O Kanada
Originally Posted By: pufferfish
This afternoon on NPR Talk of the Nation:

Interview with a guy kidnapped by the TALIBAN.

Jere Van Dyk, The Taliban's 'Captive' For 45 Days

Summary by NPR (July 1, 2010):
In 2008, Jere Van Dyk set off from Kabul, Afghanistan, to write the authoritative book on the Taliban. He never imagined he'd be taken their prisoner. That February, he became only the second American journalist captured by the Taliban. In Captive (his book), he tells his story at greater length.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128244068

His book, Captive, by Jere Van Dyk:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/080508827X/

He was not held for sexual reasons. Some of his captors were "reptilian". This interview will be available to listen to at 6pm today (Eastern time) by means of on-line audio. He talked a lot about the psychological effects of captivity including the Stockholm syndrome. In other words, I survived in part because I complied with everything asked of me.

I found this broadast extremely interesting and helpful. I listened as someone who was held captive as described in this thread.

Allen

pufferfish whistle



i listened to his interview.

very heavy and scary,
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

Top
#449479 - 10/07/13 11:34 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: catfish86]
Napoleon Offline


Registered: 04/06/11
Posts: 166
Loc: Utah
I don't watch TV anymore, too many triggers. PTSD has left me disabled so I live in motor home on my parents property, but still go in the house to shower. This interview was on TV, I only saw "Were there times when you could have escaped?" and her response, very triggering.


Edited by Napoleon (10/07/13 11:35 PM)
_________________________
“Your only limit within reason, is the one that you set up in your own mind.” Napoleon Hill, The Law of Success, 1925.

Top
#452253 - 11/02/13 04:51 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Napoleon]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
Kidnap of Paul Martin Andrews by Richard Alvin Ausley in Virginia in 1973.

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=452242#Post452242





Top
#452312 - 11/03/13 07:36 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: catfish86]
SoccerStar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 915
Loc: New York
_________________________
My story

"Don't think it hasn't been a little slice of heaven just because it hasn't!" --Bugs Bunny

Top
#452354 - 11/03/13 03:07 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1308
...


Edited by Chase Eric (11/21/13 06:49 PM)
_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

Top
#462059 - 03/05/14 01:12 AM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: Chase Eric]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA

Kidneythis' avatar (below)



Avatar of kidneythis as it is today (below):



Said to be a training facility now (someone suggested it was a training facility for Monarch or MK Ultra.

This is what Kidneythis said about his torture there:
Originally Posted By: kidneythis

This was in the Shelter I was abandoned in and where the worst of my abuse occured for 4 years I was tortured and sexually victimized as well as prevented from having any human interaction that wasn't abuse related.They wanted to be sure I could not out perform the black kids in my group. They took pains to physically cripple me because I was still doing well in spite of all the torture.
I have begun to wonder if I wasn't being held prisoner and hidden from site when I was being kept in that closet in the dark. I was not allowed outside or to leave a very small area when I finally was allowed outside. I did escape once but the person who found me called the cops and they took me back and didn't believe my pleas and fear, to not take me there was rational or real. Once again called a coward for being a normal child.
I have deduced this was the beginning of the torture meant to destroy my mind as even in the sixties it was known what depravation of stimuli would do to a brain. I think I had already heard something that they wanted to stop me from reporting. The man/older kid in charge of this really enjoyed watching me devolve.


I (Pufferfish) did a little research on this and found out:

This was the Willowbrook School. It was a "warehouse" for unwanted mentally deficient children and adults. It has been documented that mental health patients were subjected to experimentation there. Children were experimented on as documented in the book: Against Their Will - Experimentation on Children, by Hornblum et al.

http://www.amazon.com/Against-Their-Will-Experimentation-Children/dp/0230341713/

This was documented by Geraldo Rivera in 1972

http://moodymama.com/reviews/?cat=4&paged=4

Following is a shocking film of care in that place (I have updated the link which was previously incorrect, sorry)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k_sYn8DnlH4

It is true they were doing experiments on isolation and other things. The reports in the books I've read talk about the isolation experiments were very bad. One guy was put in a wooden box to see if he could endure it (at another location). In about a day he kicked his way out of the box.

Here is what Wikipedia says about former Willowbrook School:
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0CEQQtwIwAg&url=http%3A%2F

This Wikipedia article also states that they did hepatitus experiments on otherwise well children there. I have seen this documented in 2 additional books.


Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (03/26/14 02:12 PM)

Top
#462375 - 03/10/14 10:50 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
An abduction survivor I just learned about. Todd Bequette. This was some years ago, but I still find it interesting.

The story was only recently published. Apparently publication was withheld until after his untimely death.

http://www.omaha.com/article/20130726/NEWS/130729204

Originally Posted By: Omaha.com

A Carter Lake man who died this week after suffering a heart attack while roofing a house was the survivor of an 18-month abduction by a stranger in the 1970s.

Walter “Todd” Bequette, 52, told his siblings that he finally felt free of his accused captor, Terry Roy Holman, two years ago after telling his story to the Kansas Prisoner Review Board.




Quote:

My brother (Todd Bequitte) went to Wichita with me and my sister to talk to the board about the things (Holman) had done to him,” said Tiger Bequette of Tulsa, Okla. “Todd got really emotional, and you could see all of the people on the parole board were crying, too.


Todd Bequette when he was rescued as a youth:


Walter "Todd" Bequette in 2007, walking near the Old Market area in Omaha from which he was abducted in 1974.



Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (03/10/14 11:12 PM)

Top
#462462 - 03/12/14 01:33 PM Re: Kidnap Survival ***TRIGGERS*** [Re: pufferfish]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6855
Loc: USA
I was curious about this, the survival story of Todd Bequette. So I googled it and found more information.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x972866

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Inside-an-Abducted-Childs-Mind/2

Originally Posted By: www.oprah.com

For 18 months, Todd says he was held captive. He says he was raped "way over a hundred" times, and that he was beaten and tortured. "He would say, 'You're mine. I can do whatever I want with you, and you enjoy it, don't you?' And if I wouldn't answer, 'Yes, I enjoy it,' I'd get hit," Todd says.

To prevent him from escaping, Todd says he was tied up and drugged with Valium and sleeping pills. "He'd wake me up abruptly and say, 'Call me dad now. I want you to call me dad now.' When I wouldn't call him dad, he'd hit me. He'd choke me until I passed out," he says. "All I did was try to live, so I let him do what he wanted with me."

Todd says that while he tried to escape, his captor terrified him into submission. "I tried running three times. He put a gun to my face and said, 'If you do, I'm going to shoot you,'" he says. "Then he dropped [the gun] down—boom, boom, boom—and he emptied a .22 between my legs."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Inside-an-Abducted-Childs-Mind/3#ixzz2vlo7u3mD

http://www.wowt.com/news/headlines/10961516.html

http://www.larouchepub.com/eiw/public/20...ld_not_tell.pdf

Somehow I even missed SoccerStar's post here in MS:
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=450111

Wow! It was such a big story. How could I have missed it?

Puffer



Edited by pufferfish (03/12/14 01:35 PM)

Top
Page 1 of 5 1 2 3 4 5 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.