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#318788 - 01/13/10 05:53 PM Hello from the UK
uk-survivor Offline


Registered: 01/13/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Wales, UK
Hello All

I found this site and forum about an hour ago and have decided to bite the bullet by registering and posting something (before I change my mind).

I live in the UK and can't find an equivalent to this forum there, but hope that the ocean between us makes no difference with regard to these issues.

My very brief history ... I was sexually abused by my brother (2 years older) between the ages of about 11-14. I'd been blanking it out for my entire adult life (I'm now 38) but have finally realised that it is better to let go of secrets. I'm only just beginning to realise the impacts the abuse had on me since I revealed it to my wife about 6 months ago. I'm only just coming to terms with it myself and have only been 100% convinced that what I suffered was sexual abuse for the past month or so. I now understand that the abuse affected me in so many ways and shaped me as an adult. Most alarmingly it contributed to me being an angry, abusive and at times violent husband to my incredible wife who has stood by me for the past 16 years.

I unwittingly allowed the abuse I suffered as a child to effectively ruin my adult life and I've been dragging my family through the mire with me for the past 16 years. The last decade was an almost complete disaster for me and I am not going to allow something that happened 25 years ago to spoil my family's life in the new decade.

Oops! That went on a bit longer than I intended! I look forward to supporting and being supported in this community. Thanks in advance to you all for your help.

Finally, are there any other UK members on here? It would be good to make contact.

Kind regards,

Adam


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#318789 - 01/13/10 06:05 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: uk-survivor]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Adam.

Welcome to MS. You will find lots of support here. The ocean will not prevent you from recieving the support and need and deserve.

There are some wonderful members here who are in the UK. I am in the USA.

I look forward to getting to know you. Take your time, poke around, read and chat are you able.

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#318799 - 01/13/10 09:11 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: DJsport]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Hello Adam, welcome to MS, glad that you found us. We have a number of members here from the UK, our member King Tut is from Wales too. We are a support organization dedicated to recovering from what happened to us when we were younger. We are all here working together to try to find our freedom from our past.

If you haven't yet read an introductory recovery text such as Mic Hunter's book ABUSED BOYS or Mike Lew's book VICTIMS NO LONGER I would recommend that you do so. You can order both books and numerous others from our own online bookstore off of our homepage. Our parent organization also offers several intensive recovery weekends yearly in the US and Canada, and Mike Lew offers his own recovery workshops worldwide too. Mike Lew is offering a 1-day recovery workshop in NYC March 18th in fact, the day before our International recovery conference is held there.

Another resource that you might look into in the UK is Survivors Swindon, which is operated by one of our members in Swindon. Steve is a really knowledgeable and devoted guy who has dedicated his life to helping survivors in the UK. He will be attending our weekend conference in NYC in March, and is scheduled to give a presentation there on Sunday, March 21st. Here is their link:

www.amsosa.com

Hope that together we can help you find your freedom too.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#318823 - 01/13/10 11:13 PM Re: Hello [Re: Trucker51]
jcm Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 36
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Hi Adam, welcome!

See you around.


Edited by jcm (11/30/12 02:21 PM)

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#318831 - 01/14/10 12:29 AM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: jcm]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2453
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brother.

Welcome to MS. Here you will receive compassion, understanding & love, from your brothers (fraternal) & friends (in pain).

We all have been there. We have been into the depths of our souls & hell too.

You are in the right place, at the right time & with the right people. We all try and help each other out.

We do not condemn anyone. We will listen to your fears, we will listen to you.

Be prepaired for the emotional roller coaster ride of your life. You are on your way.

Heal well my fraternal brother, Adam, heal well.

" I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight, forever into eternity."

Little Pete & big Pete..but 1 (Irishmoose).





Edited by petercorbett (01/16/10 01:28 AM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#318915 - 01/14/10 05:59 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: petercorbett]
many_mees Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/23/09
Posts: 286
HI Adam and welcome again.

You have come to the right place. Congratulations on your decision to work on your recovery. I'm not gonna blow smoke here and tell you it is gonna be a cake walk. No, it won't. Expect your past to be opened again and again as you work through the issues. Expect that there will be some very tough days.

But expect that your life and the life of your family will change for the better. Joy will return and you will smile all over again.

Like any great undertaking, you must be committed to it and dedicate yourself to its completion. From the chat the other night, I got the sense that you are here to work and not pussyfoot around. And that is a step in the right direction.

Take your time, it can be overwhelming. So, welcome again, Adam. Now, lets get to work.

Your new friend,


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#318924 - 01/14/10 09:07 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: many_mees]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
Welcome to MS Adam. I'm from North West England, you'll find there are more of us here in MS and that the ocean doesn't make that much difference.

I hope you can find what you're looking for. Welcome again.


_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#319098 - 01/16/10 01:45 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: user2007]
yoxi Offline


Registered: 01/16/10
Posts: 5
Loc: Somerset, England
Hi Adam, I've just arrived here myself, and I'm in Somerset (has all your snow gone yet?)

I can also recommend a book I finished about half an hour ago (which pointed me to this site) called Beyond Betrayal, by Richard B Gartner - it's very comprehensive and less workbook-ey than some I've read.

I wish you well, as I wish all of us well.

- yoxi x

PS I don't think you 'unwittingly allowed' the abuse you suffered to ruin your adult life. I think you weren't ready to deal with it until you were ready to deal with it, and none of that is in any way your fault. Any such ruination in your life is your abuser's responsibility. You're still here and you're dealing with your past, and that makes you a king, in my book.

_________________________
The voices of the hearts of trees say:
Grow - but grow slowly...
Grow slowly - but grow...

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#319115 - 01/16/10 05:19 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: yoxi]
uk-survivor Offline


Registered: 01/13/10
Posts: 2
Loc: Wales, UK
Everyone

Thanks for much for the warm welcome and the many words of encourgement. I feel I have stumbld across a very special place. Still need to spend a lot of time reading existing threads before I start posting a lot, but I look forward to participating in the community to the best of my ability ... and to receiving some fantastic advice and guidance.

Glad a few other UK-based people are using this site. Hope to have more contact with some of you.

Yoxi - I'm originally from Somerset. Love the place, but currently have mixed feelings when I think about it, as that's where I grew up and where all the unhappy events I'm currently working through took place.

I too wish everyone here all the best of luck in working through your issues.

Adam


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#319242 - 01/18/10 01:26 AM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: uk-survivor]
king tut Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 2469
Loc: UK
Hey Adam,

Nice to see another welsh member, as Mark said i live in Wales too. Hope you enjoy your time here at MS and learn a lot, i'm sure you will. You are right, this is a very special place!

Lewis

_________________________
"...until lambs become lions"

I love you, little lewis, and i will never leave you. We are the same. You brighten my day, and i will make sure that i brighten yours. Hugs and kisses.


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#319355 - 01/19/10 08:18 AM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: king tut]
ComicBookGuy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 443
Loc: London, England
Welcome from London Adam - different country, same age. Glad you're starting the work now, get the worst of it over by 40 I say.

Being January still, get yourself an A5 day-to-page paper journal and write as much down for yourself, but I'm sure King Tut can advise you re Welsh adult therapy services. There will be a waiting list, there nearly always is, so you might as well register for one now.

_________________________
- CBG

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#319620 - 01/21/10 01:06 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: ComicBookGuy]
WorkingVerb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/06/10
Posts: 9
Loc: Brooklyn, New York
Adam,

Welcome to MS. You are not alone. Thank you for your courage in breaking the silence. When you feel that anger, come here. When it's too much to bear, come here,. When it's confusing, come here. There is always someone ready to listen. It's a long journey, but you're on it, and that's some of the hardest work done.

Strength to you brother,
Chris


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#320918 - 02/01/10 04:44 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: king tut]
Mullsy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/11/08
Posts: 6
Loc: England
Hi Adam,

welcome to the site. I'm in the UK too and have been lucky enough to travel to the US a few times to meet with many inspiring men, like yourself. It is brave for us to recognise our vulnerabilities and make steps to move on, but don't forget your strengths! We all deserve to have a safe and happy family life so keep in touch with the good stuff and build on it.

Simon

_________________________
WoR Alumni - Mysthaven Nov 7-9, 2008; Advanced WoR - Alta Sept 11-13, 2009

"Wrap up Warm"

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#322040 - 02/14/10 12:41 AM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: uk-survivor]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
Good lUCK aDAM...

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

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#457914 - 01/03/14 05:41 PM Re: Hello from the UK [Re: uk-survivor]
north51 Offline


Registered: 12/30/13
Posts: 7
Loc: Ontario
Hey UK, I'm also new to the site but so far have found it valuable even if just to be able to communicate with fellow men suffering like me.
My story, molested by a stranger during the summer of 1971, I was 11 making me 53 now. I only told my wife after we were married 12 years then buried it again. In April my dad passed away and all the thoughts started coming into my head to started drinking to try to offset and that worked for like one month. Of course I kept drinking heavily, every night, and that just made it worse. Had no choice but to enter rehab in November and returned home on Dec 13. I haven't come clean with my wife because I mentioned it only happenned once but it was the full summer.
Looking back this effected my whole life and is now effected it again. I don't want to give my abuser this type of power over me and am, for the first time, trying to deal with it without alcohol.
Hopefully we can both learn and communicate on this site and see what happens. All of us on this site are in the same boat.

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