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#31860 - 10/23/04 06:49 PM Wish me luck
Riptide X Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 36
I am going to a family get together tonight..specifcally an engangement party for my cousin.

While my abuser wont be there..luckily my family supports me with that and will never invite him anywhere I am and in fact really has nothing to do with him..My grandmother who is still married to him, who does not understand why I just cannot forget about it and move on since it happened so long ago is going to be there tonight.

There are times where I actaully hate my grandmother worst then my abuser if that sounds normal. She is actually mad at ame and says I am not a good grandson because I dont treat her right. Well what does she exepct? She expects me to ignore that she goes home and slees with the one who abused me and pretend nothing happened?

I dont get how she can be mad at me..anyway she is going to be there tongiht and first time I am seeing her in a year..I am afraid if she says something to me negative like why dont you call or something I might just explode and say some really nasty things.


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#31861 - 10/23/04 06:59 PM Re: Wish me luck
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
Riptide,

Good Luck and HAVE FUN.

Quote:
There are times where I actaully hate my grandmother worst then my abuser if that sounds normal.
That makes perfect sense to me. I have more spite towards my father than my abusers. Somehow in my mind I think that IF he hadn't abandoned us, I wouldn't have been raped and abused. I don't know if I would have or not.

Take care and have fun,
Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#31862 - 10/23/04 07:44 PM Re: Wish me luck
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Riptide,

have fun, I do hope she doesn't mess things up by saying things.

How can you ever expect her to know how hurt you are?

Hope it goes well,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#31863 - 10/24/04 02:43 PM Re: Wish me luck
al Offline
Member

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 143
Loc: canada
Quote:
There are times where I actaully hate my grandmother worst then my abuser if that sounds normal.
riptide i hated my mother for years. to me she was one an only person that could have done anything about it. she could have stopped it and she didn't. he was out of control but she could've been in control but she didnt do anythign. i was always shure she was thinking well at least it's not her \:\(

i can relate \:\(

_________________________
Those who dance appear insane to those who cannot hear the music. Mark Kleiman

Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it. Winston Churchill

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#31864 - 10/25/04 02:42 AM Re: Wish me luck
Riptide X Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 36
Thanks all

well it didnt really go that great...I got into a fight with my grandmother, my plan was just to ignore her...she came up to me and said what you dont say hello to your grandmother, i said no, I dont consider you a grandmother to me...then she started in about my wife..and I am like how the heck can you complain about my wife for something stupid when you are still married to a child molester? Then I told her to drop dead and walked away...think she was shocked...and then kind of rest of night was all tensed.'


Truth is I did feel better after...I think getting out some of the agression..but the sad thing is if she died tomorrow I would not be sad for a second. Is that mean to think that way? Same thing goes for my step-grandfather who abused me..if he died tomorrow I would actually finally be a bit happy.


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#31865 - 10/25/04 10:49 PM Re: Wish me luck
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
Riptide,

Denial, she wants you to forget. She wonders why you never forget??? Oh let's just get back to normal. Love me as your grandmother!!!

They really never do "GET IT".

Then again, would you ever expect them to???

I used to think so. Not any more.

I have a regret borne in childhood, of a deep feeling of feeling sorry for my abuser, maybe it was the feeling of so much guilt associtated, with all the other kids he got and did the same to.

Guilt with not knowing he ever was caught, still don't know. All I remember was, having to forgive, because if I didn't, then I know, I wouldn't be sat here typing this.

Don't ever expect anyone to know what we go through unless they have been there, they just don't have the capacity, to work it out.

That is why we need to be strong for each other, because we know, what it is like, and if they lived to eternity, they never would just "get it".

take care of you,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#31866 - 10/26/04 02:41 PM Re: Wish me luck
estuardo Offline
Member

Registered: 10/18/04
Posts: 45
Loc: ohio
Riptide

I think it took a ton of courage to do that, how I wish I could do the same to my dad.

You're right, it is easier to forgive our abuser than it is to forgive those who cover-up, ignore, or don't care what happened.

When I told my dad I was pursuing legal action against my abuser (a priest), he said "well, you weren't 16 when it happened", implying I was "old enough" to understand what I was doing. I wanted to say to him, "you fucking asshole, if you were any kind of parent worth acknowledging, I probably wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now!!!" (pardon the french). But I typically held back, and let it go, so now I get to beat myself up for it.

You did the right thing!! She deserved it!! It rattled your nerves, but please know that I envy your courage to do it!

peace,
estuardo

_________________________
"I'm entitled to my opinion...even if it's wrong."

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#31867 - 10/26/04 02:49 PM Re: Wish me luck
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Riptide good for you. I would probably have said to her. "Maybe you should look at who you sleep with and understand what that asshole did to me you would understand why I cannot accept you as a grandmother.

You did great. It took a lot of courage for you. She just does not get it. At lest you have a caring and loving family.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#31868 - 10/26/04 11:30 PM Re: Wish me luck
Riptide X Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/24/04
Posts: 36
Thanks

I have to admit I feel so much better now. I kind of got some agression out, and what really helps that people who i thought did not support me at all came out and said I was right in how I feel and acted and my grandmother is wrong. That makes me feel even better.


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