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#318887 - 01/14/10 12:18 PM Re: belonging [Re: Obi]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Originally Posted By: Obi
was talking about feeling like trash, well, that's how i'm feeling lately. feel like trash. feel like an outcast on a site to help support others. i may be wrong but that's how i've been feeling lately.


Obi,

I respect where your coming from. It is important to not blame the abuse and just be where your at.

You and I have some strong similarities in your "stories" so, I immediately connected with you. You also, reached out to me and I reached out to you. While this is great, there are great guys to chat with as well. Kidney is a great guy. The neat thing is your connecting.

This is a balancing act allowing others to get to know you and for you to get to know them. For me, as CSA and a SA survivor it has taken me about 8 months here to understand how to "work" this out here on this website.

All of us are different. YOU Obi are doing great. In this post you are finding your voice. The struggle is finding your voice. "Knowing" where your at" is important.

We all have personalities which we will mesh with others in both good and bad AND grey areas.

This may sound as clear as mud - lol.

TRUST is a huge issue. I made the mistake of starting out trusting everybody and wanting everybody to trust me. The truth is I dont trust and needed to learn the difference. For me getting to the "feelings" I separated from at 6 during the csa and at 28 during the SA has been crucial for me to be complete and not at the mercy of others so to speak - not saying anyone here is.

I try to remember the wonderful support I get even if I am not getting what i need currently.

Peace,
Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/14/10 01:21 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#318896 - 01/14/10 01:26 PM Re: belonging [Re: Obi]
J.R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/07
Posts: 307
Loc: United States
Ron,

Are there any scholarships for the Conference? The only thing that came up for Scholarships was the WoR.

J.R.

_________________________
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved. -Helen Keller

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#319023 - 01/15/10 05:45 PM Re: belonging [Re: J.R.]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Yep. Belonging here is tough.

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#319031 - 01/15/10 07:47 PM Re: belonging [Re: DJsport]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2590
Belonging anywhere is tough.

Too many walls, too much distance.

Always alone!


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#319093 - 01/16/10 12:56 PM Re: belonging [Re: Obi]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Obi,
I didn't mean to sound so preachy.
I don't think your flow of emotion in this thread is in any way abnormal. Confusing to you maybe but not abnormal. We have to pay attention to one thing at a time. We can have many different thoughts and reactions at the same time but we usually only talk about the most important one to us and exclude the rest.
I think it is the act of offering the help, not the response or effectiveness that matters so much. Being willing to forget your own stuff and get involved in someone else's is the thing. Giving freely. Somehow that act brings many relief from personal angst. I am one of those whom it helps.
Please don't regard me as anything other than another victim suffering as you are offering up my own experience as help.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#319131 - 01/16/10 09:55 PM Re: belonging [Re: Sans Logos]
fhorns Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/10/02
Posts: 695
Originally Posted By: Sans Logos


i'm not trying to preach here, but as one who has met other survivors, participated in a conference, been on and off this site since 2003, i've seen people come and go and come and go. some finding healing, and some running from healing. being here is like opening pandora's box. but remember, this site is meant to be used as one tool in conjunction with other recovery resources such as outside groups and therapy. the best result will happen when over time, because recovery is a process..... a long process. and not that i am holding myself up for how to do it,..... no, far from that, i am just trying to be the voice of reason and hope for guys who perhaps for the first time in their life are coming to terms with all those things that took a lifetime of effort and energy to control and to suppress, and who, finding that not working any longer now find themselves powerless to face on their own volition years of pain and unresolved hurt, bubbling to the surface like a volcano ready to erupt.


Been here. Done that too. I'm still finding old stuff---that's been there my whole life---and feel overwhelmed. I'm gone for like months. It's lonely. Normal. Trying to spot my denial is rough. For that Ron, thank you. I'm seeing it.

Alfred


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#319193 - 01/17/10 04:18 PM Re: belonging [Re: Sans Logos]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Originally Posted By: Sans Logos
i'm not trying to preach here, but as one who has met other survivors, participated in a conference, been on and off this site since 2003, i've seen people come and go and come and go. some finding healing, and some running from healing.


it is tough to build trust in chat when most are NOT there for "recovery" reasons.

it is tough as some do not know or are scared to open up and the typical "chat" is about everyday stuff like going to the movies which is ok....but ...when someone is hurting....and scared they need more than just banter.

I have gone to the survivor support room and NO one says a thing.

This is a website where survivors are to be able to get support.

"Belonging" is paramount to everyones mental health.

I am committed to being there and growing.

Peace,
Donnie

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#319197 - 01/17/10 05:30 PM Re: belonging [Re: DJsport]
Tuggs Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/20/07
Posts: 53
Loc: Pensacola, Florida, USA.
I've been in the chat and said nothing.

Minutes pass and I am terrified to say whats going on with me. I keep coming back, because I know I will say what is going on or that perfect question will be asked.

Meanwhile I will support where I can.

_________________________
Im alive. Youre alive. Want to play?
-Judah Rosner

My Story

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#319204 - 01/17/10 06:47 PM Re: belonging [Re: JustScott]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
not belonging has become an identity for me, as in always being on the outside. Funny thing is I find others there too who are alot like me that I can relate to. Is this belonging or not belonging? I guess this is the question.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And well change the world.


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#319249 - 01/18/10 07:39 AM Re: belonging [Re: jls]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Been I need to take a break. Wanted to add here - my sense of belonging is nurtured here but NOT all understand and that is the hard part.

I am processing some stuff and that is the hard part to balance the intense anger and keep my sense of belonging.

We can do this together.

Donnie

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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