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#317814 - 01/06/10 07:04 AM
Re: angry
[Re: sono]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Sono, Your right! Forget the fear and just do it. I have been "beating around the bush" for almost 2 decades with this. Jason, Your right! She My T will not throw me out. Guys, I am in a panic mode!!!!! Your guys are with me. These guys have been taunting me for being gay and lots of things for decades and now it is time to let them go. Daryl, Sono, Jason, Pete, Ron - I still want to RUN. BUT, I am NOT RUNNING any more. OK I am out the door. I see my T in an hour. DJ
Edited by DJsport (01/06/10 07:04 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential
Never make someone a priority if your only an option
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#317834 - 01/06/10 10:22 AM
Re: angry
[Re: DJsport]
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Registered: 01/02/10
Posts: 4
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DJ You did not do anything wrong!!! There is nothing "wrong" with you!!! Seek out people to put into your life, who bring you hope. You can not control what you feel in this case "rage", rage at the world, Rage at the perps, Rage at yourself, However what you can do is control how you react to the rage you feel.. What can you do to get the rage out without hurting others or your self??
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#317846 - 01/06/10 11:02 AM
Re: angry
[Re: Knowledgeseeker]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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I did it. I talked with my T.
She did NOT kick me out of her office.
She talked me through the awful messages.
It feels so good. We talked about the rage.
I am so calm now.
I have hope!!!!
DJ-Donnie
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential
Never make someone a priority if your only an option
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#317855 - 01/06/10 11:26 AM
Re: angry
[Re: DJsport]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
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That's awesome DJ. I'm so glad you are working through this. Good on ya!
Mike
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#317909 - 01/06/10 04:24 PM
Re: angry
[Re: Barkabus]
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Member
Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
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Well done sir. Nerve racking while doing that task, but extremely gratifying afterwards.
Keep up the good work DJ!
Jason
_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.
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#317994 - 01/06/10 11:20 PM
Re: angry
[Re: endlessjourney]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2391
Loc: TEXAS
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Hi, my fraternal brothers.
I'm glad for you Donnie.
A big step, YOU did it.
Heal well my brother Donnie, heal well.
Little Pete & big Pete..but 1 (Irishmoose).
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.
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#318332 - 01/09/10 01:58 PM
Re: depressed
[Re: petercorbett]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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Had a date (3rd date) last night. Memories surfaced again about this. It has only been a few days so, will give myself a break, BUT he wanted sex last night and I could NOT.
Could only tell him "am nervous" when he asked why I have NO erection.
Other thoughts are still there.
Feeling depressed. I wanted to cry in his arms but couldnt. First time I have been naked with someone in a long time. I felt so safe with him or wanted to be.
Many steps forward and a couple back.
Urgh!!!!
Donnie-DJ
Edited by DJsport (01/09/10 04:16 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential
Never make someone a priority if your only an option
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#318356 - 01/09/10 06:14 PM
Re: depressed
[Re: DJsport]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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*****Triggers****
Was Scared for my LIFE. NOT last night.
Guys, I was scared for my life. They played russian roulette with the gun. I complied. This is so hard to reconcile. Did I want it and complied? Was I a wuss?
NOT sure what I am looking for here.
It hurts. I feared for my life.
I am glad to be alive.
I am gagging and feeling like puking.
DJ-Donnie
Edited by DJsport (01/09/10 06:15 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential
Never make someone a priority if your only an option
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#318359 - 01/09/10 07:49 PM
Re: depressed
[Re: DJsport]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
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More gagging and stuff.
Will this stop.
So scared.
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential
Never make someone a priority if your only an option
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#318383 - 01/10/10 03:08 AM
Re: depressed
[Re: DJsport]
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Member
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
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I hope the PTSD symptoms have eased off by now man.
Anyone facing two men with a gun & hearing/ watching russian roulette with it, has been given no alternative: that is major major bad news. The fact they did that shows you resisted. Your T was right in what she said. Now you're dealing with the shocking aftermath of bringing the incident to the surface.
I do hope you're feeling a bit better today DJ...
ClaretBlue
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