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#317619 - 01/04/10 05:44 PM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Originally Posted By: DJsport
[quote=endlessjourney] I am not sure what this is besides the anger.

Donnie


Did you you mean emotionally? I'm sure it's a compilation, of rage, fear, shame, and sadness. Now that is an emotional Hurricane that no one loves to undergo. Have you tried journaling about it in a notebook?

Do you have any other things to keep your mind off the situation for a while in between episodes of focusing on this?

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

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#317631 - 01/04/10 09:15 PM Re: angry [Re: endlessjourney]
Anarion Cti Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/23/09
Posts: 157
Loc: Eastern US
DJ and PrisonerID, although my abuse was actually CSA, I can definitely relate to the anxiety about using urinals in public restrooms, since that is where I was first assaulted by a stranger at age 7. I too use the stalls whenever I can, because if there are other guys around, especially if they are making a lot of noise, I tense up so much I can't go, even if I feel like my bladder is going to burst (psychologists even have a name for this: being "pee shy").
My therapist also explained to me the freeze reaction, which is what I did apparently both at that time and again at age 8 when a neighbor boy attacked me: most of us have heard of "fight or flight" which is the typical PTSD reaction that a lot of us get, including myself, but very few people understand that the brain's endocrinal glans can simultaneously put out contradictory signals in a crisis, which both tell the body to both fight and flee simultaneously. The result? Freezing up. Thus, we can think of it not just as "fight or flight", but "fight, flight, or freeze". During the first few minutes of the second attack, I too did not fight back, at least not at first, because I was frozen in shock, disbelief, and bewilderment, so I just kept hanging onto my bike while the neighbor boy did his damage for I don't know how long (funny how I can remember where I was standing and where the sun was in the sky at the time and what the weather was, but reconstructing time is a lot fuzzier).
The main take away from this is that the body's reaction can be similar at any age, especially if the man was already abused as a child, and a number of my friends assaulted as grown men confirm this to me.
Please know that you are not alone in so much of what you experienced, DJSport. While your experience was to some extent unique, we are all united in the common bond of suffering, a bond which allows us to empathize and escape the alone-ness that the perpetrators sought to impose on us. Because we are not alone, we can help each other against the perps and their legacy.
And I can really relate to the anger, too. These last few days I've finally made some strides towards turning my self-hatred into anger at my perps. I'll forgive them when I'm good and ready to; in the meantime, I'm going to be angry as I want to be. I'm hoping that your anger at your perps will also drain off any self-hatred you may be experiencing, DJ.
Please take good care of yourself. You deserve to be treated with care and respect.
Standing with you,
Anarion

_________________________
"Thou, O Lord, are the shield about me;
You're my helper,
You're the one who lifts up my head."
"Whom have I in heaven or earth but You?"

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#317632 - 01/04/10 09:48 PM Re: angry [Re: endlessjourney]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Originally Posted By: endlessjourney
Did you you mean emotionally? I'm sure it's a compilation, of rage, fear, shame, and sadness. Now that is an emotional Hurricane that no one loves to undergo. Have you tried journaling about it in a notebook?

Do you have any other things to keep your mind off the situation for a while in between episodes of focusing on this?


Yes, I mean emotionally. Too be honest this is the first time I have even talked about this so I have not sat down to journal as it frightens me.

I am in school and class starts tomorrow for me.

I am so full of rage. I do see my T on Wednesday.

I want to kick those guys asses. I have had 5 perps - my csa was my older cousin when I was 6, my mom, a fellow soldier when I was 17, and the sa was these two strange men.

I just want to crawl under a rock. BUT, with you guys strength and wisdom and being my brothers :cry" I will survive.

I need relief. My stomach is all upset.

Donnie-DJ



Edited by DJsport (01/04/10 09:50 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317646 - 01/04/10 11:47 PM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
im sorry DJ. i'm here 4 u too. i understand rage. You told me it was ok to feel like that once.

sports used to work for me. do sports till u r worn out. i'm srry i cant b more help.


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#317655 - 01/05/10 01:48 AM Re: angry [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
Rambofear Offline


Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 51
deleted



Edited by Rambofear (01/05/10 02:10 AM)

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#317673 - 01/05/10 08:41 AM Re: less angry and more calm/joy [Re: Rambofear]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Daniel,

By being here you help me. Sports and exercise are helping me too.

Rambo, I would like to hear what you have to say.

I am feeling energized today.

Daryl, Pete and everyone here,

Your support has been awesome - life giving.

Ron - SL - Here is to a year of discovery with more peace and calmness.

Donnie-DJ



Edited by DJsport (01/05/10 08:42 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317770 - 01/05/10 10:48 PM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Guys,

I face my T tomorrow or the SA events. I faced the csa stuff and that lasted for over a year so, I can do this, right.

I had a good day but tonight the feelings are raising up. Is my anger a defense mechanism?

I have these stupid thoughts that my T - who I have seen for 1.5 years - is going to say dont come back.

Greater peace will follow,right

DJ



Edited by DJsport (01/05/10 10:53 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#317783 - 01/06/10 12:07 AM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
endlessjourney Offline
Member

Registered: 11/01/05
Posts: 518
Loc: Cincinnati Ohio
Originally Posted By: DJsport


I have these stupid thoughts that my T - who I have seen for 1.5 years - is going to say dont come back.

DJ


I can understand that feeling. However, you do know that it is an irrational thought and that's a plus. Some people out there may run if you tell them such things. Not because of you, but because it may be too overwhelming for them at the time. Not everyone is that strong. I'm sure that your T won't run and neither will I or the guys on this site.

Remember that you are safe in his office (your T) and that you can stop and back away from the topic for a bit when ever you feel overwhelmed. Good luck. For years, I would sit and focus on what I was going to reveal to my T about my issues before a session. Many of those times, I didn't mention what I had planned the day before because I was too scared. However, I did later when I was ready.

Good luck my friend.
Jason

_________________________
Truth is the very reason we strive to live. It surrounds and resides within us. Accepting the truths we already know and seeking out those we do not is a direct path to inner balance and joy. For life is not a means to an end, but a journey. Life comes and goes but the truth will always live on.

Top
#317803 - 01/06/10 03:22 AM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
Allen_k Offline


Registered: 02/16/09
Posts: 5
you're so right, people are ignorant and stupid, they have a big prejudice and wrong idea when this kind of thing happens to males (that's why many adult male doesn't report to anyone)

I understand your feeling, sometimes i wish i could destroy everything around me


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#317810 - 01/06/10 04:37 AM Re: angry [Re: Allen_k]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Think Nike- "just do it".

Sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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