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#317557 - 01/04/10 02:34 AM angry
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Why do men f#$%^&* beat up on other men? Why do they think they are better and can rule the world? Why do they think it is better to abuse a man?

I am angry and powerless. I am hurt - why did they hurt me?

Admitting this to other men is tough. Men are ok with me being angry for having been raped as a child but not ok with me being angry for having been raped at 28.

Cops asked me - what were you doing in there? Why didnt you fight back?

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/06/10 12:11 PM)
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#317558 - 01/04/10 02:57 AM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
Barkabus Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 809
Quote:
Cops asked me - what were you doing in there? Why didnt you fight back?


I am so sorry DJ. Unfortunately this just seems to be the common reaction by people who are ignorant about these things, including most cops.

(((Donnie)))

Mike

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#317560 - 01/04/10 03:00 AM Re: angry [Re: Barkabus]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
It was 1992. BUT I am still angry. I know it is blaming the victim and I am not the only one.

My whole life changed. I stopped going to school. I have complex PTSD now. Forget the stuff my cousin did to me at 6.

I am so pissed off.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/04/10 03:01 AM)
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#317562 - 01/04/10 03:13 AM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Hi DJ. It is unfortunate that males who report rape are treated differently, as in it is dismissed, whether they be adults or children, or whether it was by a man or a woman. When it comes to male violence I don't have an immediate answer to that question, except that it never ends so maybe its time for us guys to try something else. JS

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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#317567 - 01/04/10 05:17 AM Re: angry [Re: jls]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
(((((Donnie)))))

Terrible reaction no doubt. Like Barkubus says, people without a clue are clueless. The only thing to do is to realize it's in the past. Have you ever seen "The Accused" with Jodie Foster? A film from the 80s...I think the lawyer is Kelly McGillis. It could be triggering, but you'll see a portrait of what you went through. Maybe it helps you not feel alone in this.

Sono

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the family
the perp

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#317570 - 01/04/10 07:57 AM Re: angry [Re: sono]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Sono and JLS - thanks.

Others too.

I have created a hug mess. In my anger, I have done stupid things. I need to let go.

In this I created yet another mess here. I have been such a fool.

I am in rage. I just want to be destroyed. I am irrational.

Their have been 5 perps in my life. 3 in my childhood and these 2 characters when I was 28.

I am just furious - not at anyone hear. I am beside myself. My stomach is all upset. I am not going to eat today. I have had 4 hrs of sleep. I had nightmares again.

Lots of deep breathing. This is serious!!!!! I am in trouble big time.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/04/10 08:00 AM)
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Live to your fullest potential

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#317576 - 01/04/10 10:19 AM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
DJ -

Can you contact your therapist by phone or email? If only briefly it could give you a familiar support base to find some feelings of security.

Historically women went through the shame and recrimination of being raped. Today resources are amazing for women but a lot of the stigma still exists. For men the groundwork has barely begun and sometimes I wonder if it really has. I currently work with a man who was a sex crimes investigator for ten years. He never talks about specific cases but does talk in a general sense. I think that those he assisted were fortunate since he has a great heart.

As for your question - my last therapist said something that stuck with me. Maybe the best answer is an age old one. Why do some do what they do? Hurting others? Some are just evil. No other explanation but that. And maybe that is going to be good enough for me. It was not my clothing, my build, my being naive enough to think things like that would never happen to me as an adult. It happened because they were evil. And then I just need to leave that with them.

DJ, I am so sorry for what they did to you. One of the worst things we can fall into is thinking we are alone in this. And since hardly any men come forward who have been raped as adults then we really feel we are alone. You are not alone in this. I was only one year older than you were when I went through it. I have railed against the wind over being a man with what many see as a woman's experience. But however the world perceives us we know what we know. And there has been a tiny bit of movement on our behalf. And maybe it is up to us to expand that out for the guys out there who think they are alone. One day I hope I am actually living that way in my life for me and for those guys.

Cry, breathe and yell if you need to. Ask for the help you need from your therapist, friends or whatever support you have. And you have people here who care about you as well.


Daryl



Edited by prisonerID (01/04/10 10:24 AM)
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#317578 - 01/04/10 10:48 AM Re: angry [Re: prisonerID]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Daryl.

So, I am not the only here who has been Sexually assaulted by men as an adult by a stranger?

I do feel alone. Thanks for sharing and letting me know about you.

I have been feeling very alone since I shared this experience Saturday NIGHT. This event changed my life for the last 17 years.

I have been asking why was I there? why did I not fight back? Did I deserve it?

I am just enraged and will deal with this. I do have a call in to see my T.

This anger has come out sideways and it is killing me. I will get a handle on this.

DJ



Edited by DJsport (01/04/10 10:56 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317581 - 01/04/10 11:25 AM Re: angry [Re: DJsport]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
DJ -

I do not know "where" was but it made me think. I remember people asking why I stopped "there" to wash my car. Within that question I heard a million more that I felt I was being asked. I wish I had been more aware of my surroundings. I am sure you do too. But who said that guys in their 20s have it all figured out? We were still young men. And most people do not have their whole lives figured out that early. Heck, none do!

"Why did I not fight back?" I have wrestled with that more than anything. I do not if you froze, thought you could talk your way out of it, or whatever. But you or your mind did what was necessary for you to be alive. I have played it over in my mind so many times I have worn down the edges of my mind. You were outnumbered and taken by surprise. They stacked the cards against you. It is not just you, DJ. Most men could not have stopped it. Maybe no one could have. There is nothing wrong with you that you could not. Nothing. Read that again. Nothing. And you lived. If you had fought back you may not have survived. I am glad you survived.

"Did I deserve it?" Another thought train on which I have ridden the rails. You have your own set of reasons why you might think this way. Out of respect I will not try to address them by guessing. Whatever they are I can respond that no one, male or female - gay or straight, deserves to be raped no matter what the circumstances. I have my own list of "deservings" that I have fought against but mostly accepted. I do more fighting against that list now. My last therapist helped a lot and ony just recently am I starting to believe it for myself. I bet if I gave you my list you would say I did not deserve it. So why would you have deserved it if you feel I didn't?

Your anger is justified. Maybe it is just time for you to tackle this part of your abuse? I do not know if you have much in therapy before. It just may be time to conquer some of this. I do not say that with a frivolous attitude. It is rough as all abuse issues are.

You are not alone.


Daryl

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Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#317582 - 01/04/10 11:51 AM Re: angry [Re: prisonerID]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Daryl,

It feels so good to be talking with you. Your awesome at helping me process this.

I need this. I need to know I am not alone. Your words of wisdom are so healing.

DJ



Edited by DJsport (01/04/10 12:03 PM)
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