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#317301 - 01/01/10 05:30 PM date
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I have a date tonight. This is a true date with someone I have known for 2 years.

I met up with him and a couple of other guys last night in a very unexpected turn of events at a New Years Eve party.

What I wanted to main state is: One of the issues I am very uncomfortable with is stating "I like this guy but not this guy". Well as he and I get to know each other and go out we will encounter guys who are interested in me and probably him too and this has been so anxiety ridden for me in the past.

I am much more comfortable at stating "this is my guy" and being committed and I know I have no control of others. But, I need to say this is "my guy".

The bigger issue is when does SEX begin. I know there is not right or wrong answer so I will relax and go with the flow, right?

Anyway, I am getting the cart before the horse here.

I am so excited - whoooo hoooo

Donnie

btw - the really cool thing is I will NOT forget his name -

because it is "Donnie". Yes you read it correctly - he and I have the same name.



Edited by DJsport (01/01/10 05:33 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317309 - 01/01/10 06:33 PM Re: date [Re: DJsport]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
Congratulations

Please remember to take your time, do it right.

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#317366 - 01/02/10 02:00 AM Re: date [Re: philistine]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I did well. Took my time.

I figured out I am doing well.

The general popluation does not seem to be.

I longer need to put myself down.

Thumbs up.

Donnie

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317385 - 01/02/10 09:27 AM Re: date [Re: DJsport]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
aww no details? it went good tho, u got a bf now?

congrats dj


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#317490 - 01/03/10 11:38 AM i told - Damn it [Re: zb420]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
It turned out to not be a "traditional" date. I am not sure what to make of it.

NOT sure if we are boyfriends or not either. It is not as playful I want.

It was a bad date. We got to exchanging life events. Too much and it is my fault.

Yes, we talked and were completely honest with each other. BUT, it was too intense. Maybe I still need to talk about things. I want to find someone that I can let go with emotionally and physically. I am ready until the life events conversation comes up.

I had this 2nd date or whatever it is last night. I told the details of the sexual assault at the U when I was 28.

Now I am feeling anxious and had a nightmare - where I was being chased - which has not happened in a long time.

Not only am I feeling anxious but horrible negative thoughts are happening again. I am withdrawing from seeing him or talking with him. I don't want to go into it again and I think if I shared with him the affects of sharing I would go further into it.

I just want this to go away.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/03/10 07:48 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317494 - 01/03/10 04:34 PM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: DJsport]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
dj,

please don't give up! this is a golden opportunity. sure this guy may not be the right match, but this is teaching you something about the way you present yourself for relationship, and from it, you can better learn what is right for you and what's not.

don't give up on love.... along the way you'll learn what it is you need, and what's really important for you. sure that's gonna cost a lot in terms of hurt, but growth is always 'felt' and nothing worth having is 'free'.

((((( DJ ))))),

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#317510 - 01/03/10 07:40 PM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: Sans Logos]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I am trying Ron to not give up.

Why is it so hard? I why did I tell?

I feel like shit!!!



Edited by DJsport (01/03/10 09:10 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317551 - 01/04/10 01:20 AM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: DJsport]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
Donnie,

Give yourself a break (this is becoming my mantra)

You are taking chances and it is scary, take your time but please keep at it.

(((((DJ)))))

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#317571 - 01/04/10 08:09 AM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: philistine]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Mike,

I am exhausted. I hate myself. I hate that this happened.

Who the hell wants me anyway.

I don't know how to go on. This was my first time at having fun and being vulnerable since I was kicked to the curb 2 years ago. I tried to be in love several months ago but, I have not relaxed and then fuc&%$ it up like this time.

If it is like this forget it.

Donnie hates the pain. DJ hates seeing Donnie in pain.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/04/10 08:09 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317735 - 01/05/10 06:58 PM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: DJsport]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
First DJ, don't beat yourself up. There are lots of great guys out there. Wait and see if this is really a problem anyway. He may be OK and be supportive.

Second, and this is really just my opinion, but maybe you should consider waiting awhile before trying to date. I find dating so complicated (socially and emotionally) that it only distracted from me working on my recovery - especially the sex part. I worked on making friends - quality friends - and being social, networking, but not dating. I felt that I needed to know more about who I am and more stable in my recovery before I could pursue adding the challenges and responsibilities of dating into my life. Recovery filled my plate pretty good!

Make sure Donnie and DJ come first and really evaluate if you have the time and emotional energy to put into a relationship on top of everything else.

Peace and love...

Michael


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#318511 - 01/11/10 01:54 PM Re: its over - argh [Re: M3]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
It is a flop. I am not ok with doing it his way. He is not providing me any "hope". He wants me to move in NOW.

Maybe there is too much going on. I recognize my csa and sa issues.

I am not certain of my issues or if our calling it off is my fault or not. I blame myself.

Damn it. This csa - sucks - who will ever understand that I can date. I am a good guy, I think.

My skin is crawling. Why?

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/11/10 02:29 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#318517 - 01/11/10 02:41 PM Re: its over - argh [Re: DJsport]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Your skin is crawling because he is forcing himself on you, Donnie. Stick to your guns, and keep things at your pace. If he can't respect that, then you're right- he isn't the right one for you.

The key is to keep trying, accept that it will take some time, and above all, give yourself a break. You made a great step forward here!


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#318520 - 01/11/10 03:24 PM Re: its over - argh [Re: Dewey2k]
Obi Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/28/09
Posts: 1309
Loc: kansas
.


Edited by Obi (04/30/13 12:13 PM)
_________________________
live another day. climb a little higher.

my story

my vlog

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#318524 - 01/11/10 04:07 PM Man enough [Re: Obi]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Dewey and OBI - I AM starting to get it. It is so hard emotionally to set my boundaries. I hate the bad feelings.

I made the mistake of going to bed with him. NO others will know I cant perform!!! I still have this nagging thought about NOT being a man.

Argh!!!



Edited by DJsport (01/11/10 04:49 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#318527 - 01/11/10 04:53 PM Re: Man enough [Re: DJsport]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Donnie,

Your manhood has nothing to do with what happens in the bedroom. The measure of your manhood is the fact that you are facing these incredibly difficult issues in your life and facing them head-on. The courage you show here demonstrates more than anything else that you are a man... and a powerful man at that.

D2K


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#318620 - 01/12/10 12:48 PM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: M3]
Brett Jay Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 31
Loc: Minnesota
I have to agree and be supportive by saying don't beat yourself up, relax as much as you can. Whatever it is, it is a relationship and relationships work best when good eperiences are capitalized on and bad experiences are let go. Give him an opportunity to be your friend before you give up on him. In any case, as Michael says, there are lots of great guys out there.


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#318623 - 01/12/10 01:10 PM Holding on to hope [Re: Brett Jay]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Brett, Michael and D2K

There are issues for both of us that get in the way of having fun and enjoying life when sex comes up.

I am not ready or have the time really.

I am 46 and feel at times like time is running out.

"Recovery" is going great. NOTHING can stop me now. BUT, I have to be honest about the PTSD and the issues that are apart of me.

I am in school and proud of myself for that.

I just want to be in love.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/12/10 01:15 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#318647 - 01/12/10 05:43 PM Re: Holding on to hope [Re: DJsport]
petercorbett Online   content
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2434
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

I'm holding on hope, it's the only thing that is left.

I HOPE to be able to understand & care for little Pete.

I HOPE that i live long enough to savior my victory over my abusers. I soon i will be 71 years old. i only have been in recovery for 17 months.I HOPE to be able to become a survivor before i die. Just a few moments of serenity, then i'll be ready to cross over to the other side.

MY brothers, I have HOPE for me. I have HOPE for my fraternal brothers here.

Hang in there you YOUNG fellas, you have a better chance of declaring victory than this old Irishmoose.

Heal well my brothers, heal well & have HOPE.

" I will take this lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunlight, forever into eternity."

Litle Pete & big Pete.. but 1 (Irishmoose).



Edited by petercorbett (01/12/10 06:29 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#319073 - 01/16/10 09:28 AM Re: Holding on to hope [Re: petercorbett]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
I'm happy to see you setting boundaries and looking after yourself first. Good call on your part!!


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#319236 - 01/18/10 12:26 AM it is over [Re: M3]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
He is offically gone. He called and yelled at me today.

I am in the middle of processing.

So, tired.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/18/10 12:34 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#319238 - 01/18/10 12:43 AM Re: it is over [Re: DJsport]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
Hang in there Donnie. We're here for you, my friend.


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