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#317301 - 01/01/10 05:30 PM date
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I have a date tonight. This is a true date with someone I have known for 2 years.

I met up with him and a couple of other guys last night in a very unexpected turn of events at a New Years Eve party.

What I wanted to main state is: One of the issues I am very uncomfortable with is stating "I like this guy but not this guy". Well as he and I get to know each other and go out we will encounter guys who are interested in me and probably him too and this has been so anxiety ridden for me in the past.

I am much more comfortable at stating "this is my guy" and being committed and I know I have no control of others. But, I need to say this is "my guy".

The bigger issue is when does SEX begin. I know there is not right or wrong answer so I will relax and go with the flow, right?

Anyway, I am getting the cart before the horse here.

I am so excited - whoooo hoooo

Donnie

btw - the really cool thing is I will NOT forget his name -

because it is "Donnie". Yes you read it correctly - he and I have the same name.



Edited by DJsport (01/01/10 05:33 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317309 - 01/01/10 06:33 PM Re: date [Re: DJsport]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
Congratulations

Please remember to take your time, do it right.

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#317366 - 01/02/10 02:00 AM Re: date [Re: philistine]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I did well. Took my time.

I figured out I am doing well.

The general popluation does not seem to be.

I longer need to put myself down.

Thumbs up.

Donnie

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317385 - 01/02/10 09:27 AM Re: date [Re: DJsport]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
aww no details? it went good tho, u got a bf now?

congrats dj


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#317490 - 01/03/10 11:38 AM i told - Damn it [Re: zb420]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
It turned out to not be a "traditional" date. I am not sure what to make of it.

NOT sure if we are boyfriends or not either. It is not as playful I want.

It was a bad date. We got to exchanging life events. Too much and it is my fault.

Yes, we talked and were completely honest with each other. BUT, it was too intense. Maybe I still need to talk about things. I want to find someone that I can let go with emotionally and physically. I am ready until the life events conversation comes up.

I had this 2nd date or whatever it is last night. I told the details of the sexual assault at the U when I was 28.

Now I am feeling anxious and had a nightmare - where I was being chased - which has not happened in a long time.

Not only am I feeling anxious but horrible negative thoughts are happening again. I am withdrawing from seeing him or talking with him. I don't want to go into it again and I think if I shared with him the affects of sharing I would go further into it.

I just want this to go away.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/03/10 07:48 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317494 - 01/03/10 04:34 PM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: DJsport]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
dj,

please don't give up! this is a golden opportunity. sure this guy may not be the right match, but this is teaching you something about the way you present yourself for relationship, and from it, you can better learn what is right for you and what's not.

don't give up on love.... along the way you'll learn what it is you need, and what's really important for you. sure that's gonna cost a lot in terms of hurt, but growth is always 'felt' and nothing worth having is 'free'.

((((( DJ ))))),

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#317510 - 01/03/10 07:40 PM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: Sans Logos]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I am trying Ron to not give up.

Why is it so hard? I why did I tell?

I feel like shit!!!



Edited by DJsport (01/03/10 09:10 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#317551 - 01/04/10 01:20 AM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: DJsport]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 210
Loc: Oregon
Donnie,

Give yourself a break (this is becoming my mantra)

You are taking chances and it is scary, take your time but please keep at it.

(((((DJ)))))

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#317571 - 01/04/10 08:09 AM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: philistine]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Mike,

I am exhausted. I hate myself. I hate that this happened.

Who the hell wants me anyway.

I don't know how to go on. This was my first time at having fun and being vulnerable since I was kicked to the curb 2 years ago. I tried to be in love several months ago but, I have not relaxed and then fuc&%$ it up like this time.

If it is like this forget it.

Donnie hates the pain. DJ hates seeing Donnie in pain.

Donnie



Edited by DJsport (01/04/10 08:09 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#317735 - 01/05/10 06:58 PM Re: i told - Damn it [Re: DJsport]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
First DJ, don't beat yourself up. There are lots of great guys out there. Wait and see if this is really a problem anyway. He may be OK and be supportive.

Second, and this is really just my opinion, but maybe you should consider waiting awhile before trying to date. I find dating so complicated (socially and emotionally) that it only distracted from me working on my recovery - especially the sex part. I worked on making friends - quality friends - and being social, networking, but not dating. I felt that I needed to know more about who I am and more stable in my recovery before I could pursue adding the challenges and responsibilities of dating into my life. Recovery filled my plate pretty good!

Make sure Donnie and DJ come first and really evaluate if you have the time and emotional energy to put into a relationship on top of everything else.

Peace and love...

Michael


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