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#316856 - 12/29/09 09:01 PM Good One God....
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
I noticied a woman at my job today, who made a remark about me being "the snake in the garden" which made me raise an eyebrow. It intrigued me because I used to talk in parables when I went to a church called the ICOC (New York City Church of Christ here in NY). Soon after, I found out that she did in fact attend said organization and I told her how I attended the church from 2000-2003.

She told me her conversion and baptism story and I smiled through the whole thing because I couldn't believe that I was being preached to by someone from the church I used to hate. Then she asked if I was going to go back and I told her "that I am in a wilderness period". I also said that "I'll go back when I'm 80." Long story short, I got preached to by two Christians about how I was being hard-hearted and how I was hearing what I was hearing from them because it was a message from God.

I've been in and out of churches and I never felt comfortable where I was at because of my CSA issues. But what they said hit something even though I was too prideful to admit it. But they didn't know about the things that happened to me, the ppl I've been with that made me question my sexuality and the shit that sexual abuse puts men through. I couldn't tell them there. I wanted to, because I feel so alone without the people who do know to give me some type of advice. I don't know why I'm even posting this. Hopefully, someone will read this and have the sense to pray for me I guess.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#316886 - 12/29/09 11:19 PM Re: Good One God.... [Re: h.beat,h.break]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 838
Loc: Kc,Mo
"someone will read this and have the sense to pray for me I guess."


done

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#316891 - 12/30/09 12:17 AM Re: Good One God.... [Re: nltsaved]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
From a spiritual perspective, it is definitely a rocky road. Especially if your abusers quoted>


Edited by catfish86 (12/30/09 12:23 AM)
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#316938 - 12/30/09 09:42 AM Re: Good One God.... [Re: catfish86]
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
It's funny how The World is the only place that I was able to find the healing that I needed and not the church. The preaching yesterday and the memories from both CSA and the emotional abuse I received at the hands of my church came at me like a beast in the wilderness.

I was attracted to my best friend there as well. I didn't know why, I assumed it was because I was gay, but eventually, I found out that those feelings were the result of something I denied even to myself. Association eventually healed dissociation and now I have to deal w/ all this other nonsense. This and church is just too much and the church will not understand something like this. I'm sure ppl here have heard that "you're going through this because God knows you can handle it." I know, because I used to say it. IDK where I am going with this, but all I know is that the church and The World don't seem any different from one another. PPl still slip through the cracks.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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#318245 - 01/08/10 10:06 PM Re: Good One God.... [Re: h.beat,h.break]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
One thing you have to remember about churches, they worship a perfect God but are populated and staffed by people who are not perfect nor God.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#318360 - 01/09/10 08:54 PM Re: Good One God.... [Re: catfish86]
Derdlecar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1314
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA
I'm praying for you.

_________________________
If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

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#318366 - 01/09/10 09:58 PM Re: Good One God.... [Re: Derdlecar]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
(((((Remy)))))

Your a good man. Thinking of you. God wants you to be happy.

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#322239 - 02/15/10 07:25 PM Re: Good One God.... [Re: h.beat,h.break]
Buffy Offline


Registered: 02/15/10
Posts: 10
Loc: US
It is not you who is at fault. These "Christians" are judgemental in their ignorance. Don't fall for their guilt. They are not thinking clearly. God will ultimately be the one who accepts us all for who we are.


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#322330 - 02/16/10 05:47 PM Re: Good One God.... [Re: Buffy]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Remy,

does this church have anything to do with the Church of Christ that came out of Boston? With a guy name Kipper or something in charge of it?
YAK!!!! get me the hell out of here. i would rather be in Hell then that church.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#323570 - 02/28/10 12:47 PM Re: Good One God.... [Re: michael banks]
h.beat,h.break Offline


Registered: 06/05/09
Posts: 124
Loc: New York
Kip McKean you mean? That's the only "Kipper" I know. I think he moved on since they abandoned the ICOC in 04 or 05.

_________________________
Hey, if "black sheep" means you're the only non-douche of the family, take that with some pride.

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