I know everyone has a favorite song, one that they relate to or that describes their life, pain, joy or abuse. For me the song "Thee Unforgiven" by Metallica was like someone wrote my life into a song. I always felt growing up that no one could understand me, no one tried or no one cared and that I had only myself. Nothing I could do would make a difference no matter how hard I tried. The chorus of the song always hits me right in the gut and how I reacted to those who were supposed to love me. This would have been the song I'd have wrote for myself!

What I've felt, what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
Never be, never see
wont see what might have been...
What I've felt, what I've known
never shined through in what I've shown
Never free, never me...
so I dub Thee Unforgiven!

Perhaps one day I'll find a song of redemption and forgiveness that speaks to the part of my life i'm in now. But for now I just listen...

Another song that just rips me is "Down with the Sickness - Uncut" by Disturbed. It's just another song that goes to the heart of my abuse and the subsequent anger and hate I felt. Especially the part where he's fighting back against his abusive mother. Man talk about living the lyrics!

pretty much everything by Linkin Park and Simple Plan...

and this song for a reason I cant explain


Is this all too familiar?
Does it happen all the time?
I'm just asking you to hear me
Could you please, just once, just hear me?
More than anything you wanted to be right
Still it's you, you,
It's you I can't deny

Hi, Madchatter.

I have a couple "recovery" favorites - but my all time favorite is Elton John and this one in particular - "I'm still standing"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq2uAUjkLIw

I did not understand what the message of the song ment to me at the time. I do now.

Great post.

DJ

I take meaning from a lot of songs. Two recent ones with respect to my own abuse are "Behind Blue Eyes" written by Peter Townsend and "Hotel California" by the Eagle. I have brown eyes, but the song describes how nobody can really know the hell behind my eyes. They don't even know they hate me but it feels like they do. It could also describe an abuser, but I take it as dealing with my depression and feelings of worthlessness stemming from the abuse. “to be hated, to be fated to telling only lies”, not letting pain show through. The loneliness, my love is always tainted. It also captures how in spite of all the ugliness hidden, my dreams are not empty. I want a family and I want to be a father and husband to them, providing all. I am doing well at this but there are times in it all I just want to sit and cry, but I have to be this strong, all knowing businessman who is never at a loss. Some of the rest, “if I swallow anything evil, put your finger down my throat” and “if I shiver please give me a blanket” describes how I really need to be taken care of… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42U8FeLp_y4&feature=related
Pete Townsend’s version is much better than The Who
Written by Pete Townshend

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes
No one knows what it's like
To be hated, to be fated to telling only lies

But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance that's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings like I do and I blame you!
No one bites back as hard on their anger
None of my pain and woe can show through

But my dreams, they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours only lonely
My love is vengeance, that's never free

When my fist clenches, crack it open
Before I use it and lose my cool
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like a fool

And If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
And If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like to be the bad man
To be the sad man behind blue eyes

With Hotel California, it describes my abuse in certain ways. For instance, "you can check out any time you like, but you can't ever leave" and "they stab it with their steely knives but they just can't kill the beast". It describes how the abuser used my own sexuality to abuse me and twist my young mind. Even now it seems I would love to chut that time out of my life and kill it, but it won't die. In fact, I did for 34 years, b ut it affected me anyway and it still came back. Bob Seger, “Against the Wind” also captures my feelings that I was always fighting against something to live.

sr 71 tomorrow

Is it any wonder why I'm scared,
If I was a little younger would I
Care,
Feeling like the walls are growing stronger,
I don't know if this cage can hold me any longer

You never dreamed you'd have to love your life so guarded,
Cause they'll find a way to make you feel discarded

I'm not afraid of tomorrow,
I'm only scared of myself,
Feels like my insides are on fire,
And I'm looking through the eyes of someone else

I never thought they'd want me to go even faster,
Never thought I took my foot off the gas,
Everybody loves to be in on the pressure,
But I know they're all waiting for the crash

You never dreamed you'd have to live your life so guarded,
Cause they'll find a way to make you feel discarded,
Things have changed you've become a complication,
Can make it through another days humiliation

I'm not afraid of tomorrow,
I only scared of myself,
Feels like my insides are on fire,
And I'm looking through the eyes of someone else

Someone else...
Someone else...

Is it any wonder why the answer keeps me petrified,
Is it any wonder why,
I'm scared...

I'm not afraid of tomorrow,
I'm only scared of myself,
Feels like my insides are on fire,
And I'm looking through the eyes of someone else

I'm not afraid of tomorrow,
I'm only scared of myself,
Feels like my insides are on fire,
And I'm looking through the eyes of someone else

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

Across the Great Divide



I've been walkin' in my sleep
Countin' troubles 'stead of countin' sheep
Where the years went I can't say
I just turned around and they've gone away

I've been siftin' through the layers
Of dusty books and faded papers
They tell a story I used to know
And it was one that happened so long ago

CHORUS:
It's gone away in yesterday
Now I find myself on the mountainside
Where the rivers change direction
Across the Great Divide

Now, I hear the owl a-callin'
Softly as the night was fallin'
With a question and I replied
But he's gone across the borderline

CHORUS

The finest hour that I have seen
Is the one that comes between
The edge of night and the break of day
It's when the darkness rolls away

.

linkin park:

There is one I liked for many years. I'm 56 so my choice comes from another era. It came out in 1969 its by the Youngbloods and its called "Darkness Darkness"
Darkness,darkness
Be my pillow take my hand and let me sleep
In the coolness of your shadow in the silence of your deed
Darkness darkness be my blanket
Cover me with your night
Take away take away the pain that won't go away
I can't remember all the words, but it said a lot to me back then when all I wanted was to be left alone.

I don't have one song, I've gathered a series of them over my life.

Voice Carry by Til Tuesday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uejh-bHa4To

Here is one of them but there are too many to list for me.


Mudhoney

"Acetone"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcZLo65l8fg

Good morning dear, I think I'm losing it
Can't find my way and I'm, I'm getting used to it
Sun refused to shine on this side of the street
I'm not recognizing anyone I meet
Trying to hide in the shadow of the sun
You're not fooling anyone

Oh, acetone
Won't you ever leave me alone?
Oh, acetone
Oh, acetone

Look at me and answer truthful now
Did you drink that last spoonful down?
She drinks from the bitter cup
I'm trying to get her to give it up
Oh, Lord what have we become?
We're not fooling anyone

Oh, acetone
Why can't she leave you alone?
Oh, acetone
Oh, acetone

My feet are dragging down on this dusty old road
My throat is dry and I'm all alone
I remember when we walked side by side
When I was parched I would drink in your sight
I never meant to make you run
I never meant to hurt anyone

Oh, acetone
Why couldn't you leave us alone?
Oh, acetone
Oh, acetone

Oh, acetone
Why wouldn't you leave us alone?


Great topic, Man!

thanx,
Logan

Weighty Ghost by Wintersleep

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-iW0zL2LI0

I got out of bed today,
Swear to God I couldn’t see my face
I got out of bed today staring at a ghost
Who forgot to float away,
didn’t have all that much to say
Wouldn’t even tell me his own name
Where’d my body go

Where oh where’d my body go?
Africa or Mexico?
Where or where’d my body go?
Where’d my body go?

Have you seen my ghost?
Staring at the ground?
Have you seen my ghost?
Sick of those goddamn clouds

Are you some kind of medicine man?
Cut the demons out of my head
You can’t kill something that’s already dead
Just leave my soul alone

I don’t need no surgery
Take those knives away from me
Just wanna die in my own body
A ghost just needs a home

---

thats what it would be today, anyways. i dunno why. the video too, actually.

benny

This one always gets to me because I can relate at so many levels.

"Against The Wind" by Bob Seger

It seems like yesterday
But it was long ago
Janey was lovely she was the queen of my nights
There in the darkness with the radio playing low
And the secrets that we shared
The mountains that we moved
Caught like a wildfire out of control
'Til there was nothing left to burn and nothing left to prove
And I remember what she said to me
How she swore that it never would end
I remember how she held me oh so tight
Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then

Against the wind
We were runnin' against the wind
We were young and strong, we were runnin'
Against the wind

The years rolled slowly past
And I found myself alone
Surrounded by strangers I thought were my friends
I found myself further and further from my home
And I guess I lost my way
There were oh so many roads
I was living to run and running to live
Never worryied about paying or even how much I owed
Moving eight miles a minute for months at a time
Breaking all of the rules that would bend
I began to find myself searching
Searching for shelter again and again

Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter sgainst the wind

Well those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave in, what to leave out

Against the wind
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm older now but still runnin' against the wind
Well I'm older now and still runnin'
Against the wind
Against the wind
Against the wind

Still runnin'
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm still runnin'
I'm still runnin' against the wind
Still runnin'
Runnin' against the wind
Runnin' against the wind
See the young man run
Watch the young man run
Watch the young man runnin'
He'll be runnin' against the wind
Let the cowboys ride
Let the cowboys ride
They'll be ridin' against the wind
Against the wind ...

Driving through the long night
Trying to figure who's right and who's wrong
Now the kid has gone.
I sit belted up tight,
She sucks on a match light, glowing bronze,
Steering on.

And I might be more of a man
If I stopped this in its tracks and say come on, lets go home.
But she's got the wheel,
And I've got nothing except what I have on.

When you're driving with the brakes on,
When you're swimming with your boots on,
It’s hard to say you love someone
And it’s hard to say you don't

Trying to keep the mood right,
Trying to steer the conversation from
The thing we've done.
She shuts up the ashtray and I say it’s a long way back now hon
And she just yawns. And we might get lost someplace so desolate that no one where we're from would ever come

But she's got the wheel
And I've got to deal from now on.

When you're driving with the brakes on
When you're swimming with your boots on
It’s hard to say you love someone
And it’s hard to say you don't

But unless the moon falls tonight, unless continents collide,
Nothing's gonna make me break from her side.

Cos when you're driving with the breaks on
When you're swimming with your boots on
It’s hard to say you love someone
And it’s hard to say you don't...

There are also a few that I relate to, however the most striking for me was a song called 'You' from Janet Jackson's 'Velvet Rope' album. I was stunned by how the lyrics to that song coincided with my life. In fact that entire album really touched me on so many levels. It's a classic for me. The following are the lyrics to 'You'.

Here I am in your face
Tellin' truths and not your old lies
Seems to me that you care
And I know that you're runnin' out of time
See ya can't get away
I'll be here forever and again
Whisperin' in your ear
Do believe 'cause you know you cannot win


Spent most your life pretending not to be
The one you are but who you choose to see
Learned to survive in your fictitious world
Does what they think of you determine your worth
If special's what you feel when you're with them
Taken away, you feel less then again

That's right

Chorus:

You gotta mean what you say
You gotta say what you mean
Tryin' to please everyone
Sacrifice your own needs
Check in the mirror my friend
No lies will be told then
Pointin' the finger again
You can't blame nobody but you

Repeat Chorus

There's a feelin' inside
No you cannot change it right away
Gotta make it try
And with time it'll start to go away
I'll be here when you need
That one to sit and cry to
'Cause I'm the you you forgot
The only one you know you cannot lie to

Bitter you'll be if you don't change you ways
When you hate you, you hate everyone that day
Unleash this scared child that you've grown into
You cannot run for you can't hide from you
Can't hide from you

That's right

Repeat Chorus

The Who's "Behind Blue Eyes" was the one song that communicated my feelings.

Written By Pete Townsend.

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes

No one know what it's like
To be hated
to be fated
to telling only lies

But my dreams
They aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free

No one knows what it's like
To feel these feelings
Like I do
And I blame you

No one bites back as hard
At their anger
None of my pain and woe
Can show through

But my dreams
Aren't as empty
as my conscience seems to be.

I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That is never free

When My fist clenches,crack it open
Before I use it,and lose my control
When I smile, tell me some bad news
Before I laugh and act like fool

If I swallow anything evil
Put your finger down my throat
If I shiver, please give me a blanket
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes