I have faith and understanding and I never Question the faith of anyone else. However I'm human, despite my understanding of Jesus I often get caught up in my own desires which blind me to Gods purpose for my life. God through his grace has allowed me to see how something I go through, including csa, teaches me not to rely on my own wisdom, but on His. You are right you do punish yourself, but seems you want to blame me, and that's ok I do understand your feelings.
My relationship with God is between He and I. Not based on what others say or think, but on what God says in the Bible. I have and will continue to share what he teaches me, plus He has allowed me to be open to listen and learn any and every thing that life experiences convey. I just like everyone else have a choice to accept it or not. The choices we make dictate the life we lead. That why I base my choices on God's word and pray for his guidance to carry them out.
peace and love
Ignorance is the most dangerous element in human society.