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#31596 - 05/25/02 01:45 AM Bondage, S and M, sexual abuse link
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
I think this subculture has a really high incidence of sexual abuse. All the patterns are there, if you think about it s and m is really two adults repeating sexual abuse over and over under the guise of being conscentual. If you have been sexually abused, and suddenly this world comes along that says, "No, really, its okay that your a complete fuck up and nobody loves you, you will find acceptance here. We understand that people like you have no inherant value of thier own, so if you just listen to that quiet little voice in your head, we will be glad to rape you over and over for our own gratification."

Its like saying you can have a surrogate parent or abuser who will repeat the trauma over and over again. You can be stuck as that poor kid who was molested and look for the same love you were never given over and over again. Some extreme bondage people use conditioning and hypnosis to keep them in that position forever. The real irony is the conscentual remark. How consecetual can it be if you are willing to cause pain on someone who doesnt have enough self initiative and respect to want to have someone else control thier lives and hurt them over and over again?

I think that this is a real problem that people just tend to sweep under the carpet as being too "unpleasant". The only orginizations availible to people who want to stop this destructive lifestyle are church freaks and independant therapy. S and M behavior cuts across all social spectrums, rich, poor, people who are considered ugly or beugtiful. I think there is probably a huge link between childhood abuse survivors and sm culture. But the problem is, how are you going to prove it? All the defensive responses your mind uses to block this sort of thing are the same that would destroy the scientific relavance of any interveiws or inqueries of the individuals who are actively participating in it.

This isnt to say that all, or even most, people who are into it have been abused. A lot of people devolope a self image that negative on thier own. People dont really need to directely be told they are worthless in this culture, because if you arent one of those successfull, happy people you see in the tv and the magazines, your automaticly one. The link between your sexual image and these sort of compulsions are undeniable. If you feel ugly, worthless, or ashamed of your sexuality, having somebody provide validation for those thoughts is a really temping escape from reality. Then people just get sucked in from there.

I dont know, maybe i just read too much into things, but isnt it worth checking out? Dont you think that these sort of fansasies are more common among people who have beeen abused?

Well to anybody whos reading this, i wish you the best, take care of your self and try not to be too hard on yourself. Healing is slow. By the time you realized that you have healed at all, you look back and see that even afte all ;you have dealt with things still hurt, and sometimes it seems like the ountain of pain youhave been hiding behind has not only fallen on top of you, but gotten bigger. On days like that, just try and remember your still alive, your still fighting to hang on, and you have already begun the journey of a million miles. Every day you hang on and deal with the abuse is another step towards your goal.


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#31597 - 05/26/02 07:41 AM Re: Bondage, S and M, sexual abuse link
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Broken
The only person I knew who ever admitted to me they were into S&M was the sickest fuck I ever met. I had very serious doubts about his way of life. But it was a long time ago, now I would dig a bit deeper to see if my suspicions were right.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#31598 - 05/26/02 05:19 PM Re: Bondage, S and M, sexual abuse link
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hi Lloydy. I'm not sure if S&M is an offshoot of childhood sexual molestation. I think it may be a thing unto itself. Self-denigration is the logical consequence of childhood sexual victimization but to carry that on to getting off on whips & chains is a different matter. Some geek cracks a whip on MY ass he/she's gonna be in deep shit two seconds later.


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#31599 - 05/26/02 07:04 PM Re: Bondage, S and M, sexual abuse link
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
For sure, I don't think it follows that SA victims follow on to S & M. But I think the guy I knew was deeply suspicious in the direction of S & M and being a pedo'.
Self denigration is more our style that's a fact, I know that I've done the most awful and bizarre things to myself, supposedly in the name of looking for the ultimate wank. But I suppose I was just making myself feel really shitty so I could feel better afterwards, I don't really know.
Once someone makes you feel worthless and it becomes ingrained, when their abuse stops do we need to carry it on ?
I could imagine that it would be easy to continue along this vein with a like minded partner, and S & M seems a logical way to go.
But it's never appealed to me, no matter how much pain and humiliation I have "needed" over the years, I did that all by myself.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#31600 - 05/26/02 07:41 PM Re: Bondage, S and M, sexual abuse link
Anonymous
Unregistered


I hear ya,Lloydy. The S&M thing sounds like something a pedo would get into. If he's getting his rocks off fucking a kid he might as well as hurt the kid physically making the experience even better,hightening it. Reminds me of when I used to do cocaine. I bought it in ounce packages. Most I ever bought at one time was four ounces. Cost me $8,000 dollars. I still have a runny nose and that was 27 years ago. Had a beautiful blond Swedish girlfriend back then. And a meter-wide mirror in my closet with a fucking mountain of cocaine in the middle of it. Tinfoil's an experiment in what happens if you've got all the cocaine you'd ever want and you're left alone to do whatever you want,no rules no limits. One afternoon she and I play-acted we were brother & sister while snorting handfulls of coke. I'll carry that fond memory to my grave. I know about what happens when you pull out all the stops. I can identify intimately with the people posting their turn-on fantasies at NOMSV and other sites. One must know,though,fantasy from reality.


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#31601 - 05/27/02 04:51 AM Re: Bondage, S and M, sexual abuse link
Broken Offline
Member

Registered: 03/25/01
Posts: 273
Loc: Huntingtun Beach, CA, US
im willing to bet s and m can be a thing unto itself, but what im trying to say is it has roots in trauma. You dont necesarily have to have had anything bad happen to you, and not everyone whos abused has any inclination, but those who have been abused are far more likely to allow themselves to be victomized by that lifestyle. s and m scenes often harbor all sorts of other kinds of shit too, like drugs, cults, and pedophile rings. Most people are usually just in it for themselves, but if you think about it, where would you start looking if you were a perp? If you wanted to do that shit, thats where you fucking start, with that scene.

I dont know, i think ive been feeling wierd about this lately. When i figured out i was abused by my mother as well as my brother, im wondering what the hell is causing all the mindfucks i go through everyday. I cant remeber what my mother did to me, but i remember that my brother did it to me because he couldnt control himself. I remembered it because he was the one person in my family who treated me with any real kindness or felt responsible for me at all. If i can remember his act of betrayl, then what could possibly be so horrible i cant remember anymore? I was reading about this one guy's account of ritual abuse, and i just started crying. I couldnt stop reading even though tears were coming down my eyes. I havent actually cried like that in years. I know because i tried and i just couldnt bring myself to feel anymore. But when i read this guys story i just connected somehow. It felt good to let some of it go, but it makes me worry about why i connected with this particular story. I guess its just something i have to deal with as i remember, but sometimes it just hooks into my head you know? Thats all i really got right now to say, so ill leave you guys alone. Take care.


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#31602 - 05/27/02 04:48 PM Re: Bondage, S and M, sexual abuse link
Anonymous
Unregistered


For awhile I collected pedo-sadistic stories posted at male survivor websites. Had quite a collection. One day I deleted them all. They bothered me that much. Guys that like this stuff leave little boys' dead bodies by the roadside in remote locations. I'm collecting these posted stories now. Will assemble them in a book someday so the public can see who,other than survivors,is attracted to survivor websites.


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