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#314960 - 12/17/09 08:50 PM Kiss *****Might Trigger*****
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
Marvin's topic made me reflect on something, and as I don't see the subject here very often (to tell the truth I've never seen anybody say it). It might be a stupid question.

Did the perp ever kiss you?



Edited by user2007 (04/23/11 11:50 PM)
_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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#314963 - 12/17/09 08:58 PM Re: Kiss [Re: user2007]
b869 Offline


Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 767
Loc: Philippines
Yeah.

Makes me feel sick every time I remember that. All my perp kissed me.

_________________________

When thing get complicated go back to simplicity

Harvey Fierstein
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.

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#314964 - 12/17/09 09:01 PM . [Re: b869]
zb420 Offline


Registered: 08/16/09
Posts: 251
.



Edited by zb420 (03/03/10 10:50 PM)
Edit Reason: .

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#314977 - 12/17/09 09:46 PM Re: Kiss [Re: zb420]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I was think about this recently, because sometimes I really enjoy kissing people that I am intimate with or especially like to fantasize Kissing the person


Both Perps did!
My first perp was not mean to me at first when he began abusing me so I did not really know what he was doing and why the hell he was doing it, but either way I did not like it, but I did not Hate it either, just thought that it was weird. (when I feel lonely, I sometimes think that I miss the way he used to kiss me- and feel ashamed for feeling that way).
My second Perp it was so different. He was so violent,when he would, he would pin me down and force-french kiss me and it was so fucking disgusting!!!!!!! I think that he knew that I found that extremely violating and horrible and that is why he did it and he would laugh about it and call me names. I know/think that he not only enjoyed the physical part of the abuse but also the psychological harm and pain it was causing me!!! I FUCKING HATED IT!!! mad sick cry I hated how his whole mouth would fit entirely over mine and he would force his tongue in me.
God, I forgot how much I Hated that.
I think I may have disassociated when he would do that be case I remember clearly him beginning to kiss me and then nothing. Kind of like an alcolholic blackout.

that is my answer,
Logan





Edited by Logan (12/17/09 09:48 PM)
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#314983 - 12/17/09 10:18 PM Re: Kiss [Re: Logan]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I wanted to add that, J, it is definitely not a stupid question! But, rather an important one and a very complex one that should be addressed.

I also want to add that kissing seems so inocuous but in this context it was extremely and particularly violating to me and although did not cause me much physical discomfort, it did cause so much SHAME and passionate emotion of a whole range of emotions to long to list or describe here!!!

This act of what he did, in a way, taints one of the best and most beautiful ways to intimately connect with another human being and for this impressionable damage, I will forever be unforgiving and contemptuous toward even the memory of that Bastard. it being damaged for any of us is unforgivable.
It is unfair that one can steal so much from another and go unpunished, death was too goo for him!!!

Sorry, thinking about this stuff is making me emotional and spiteful. I am still pretty hurt by it all.

Logan


P.S. As I a typing this out, I am realizing that I poses an unimaginable amount of emotion just below the surface that seems like a volcano.

I think that it really need to be dealt with, for I have been able to feel more and more of my emotions as time goes on and I feel as though my heart is filled those extremely volatile and passionate emotions of rage and anguish that I have only recently been able to fully get in touch with and I don't know what to do about that. I am scared/worry of how to proceed or process it.





Edited by Logan (12/17/09 10:29 PM)
_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#314987 - 12/17/09 10:37 PM Re: Kiss [Re: Logan]
Rambofear Offline


Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 51
I was kissed plenty of times by both my preps but i hated kissing as i hated feeling the rough staples of facial hair and the touge decusts me and there rough skin as i have never felt comfitable kissing a man and now with showing affection and when it comes to kissing with the wemen i've been with i seem to close down and feel nothing I don't even open my eyes during sex.


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#315048 - 12/18/09 10:48 AM Re: Kiss [Re: Rambofear]
dark empathy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 1866
Loc: durham, north england
I was never kissed during the abuse at all, and rather feel if I ever did kiss someone in an intimate way it would be special, ---- a first time thing. I've fantasized about being kissed and kissing someone in an intimate way and how special it would feel, ---- but that sort of thing is only destructive for me.

as it stands now I might well not ever get to kiss anyone like that or share that sort of closeness, ---- but I've decided that it doesn't matter.

Kissing is afterall nothing but another physical act and only has whatever significance you choose to give it.


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#315067 - 12/18/09 01:26 PM Re: Kiss [Re: dark empathy]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
J...

What a question you pose today!

It was the worst of all of it in a way when I think back. I of course try not to think back too often to the actual acts themselves, but the kiss takes it out of the realm of pure sex doesn't it? It's really saying "I own you". I only add a little bit to the comments above because, they all go for me, but this is something that's always been disturbing to me and I feel like getting off my chest...my perp had a fixation with movies and particularly that old favorite "gone with the wind". For those of you not familiar with the film, there is a scene in which the male protagonist played by Clark Gable says to the leading lady, "you need to be kissed often and hard by someone who knows how" and then proceeds to plant a big one on her. I may have the text slightly wrong, or maybe he actually kisses her later for those keeping score. In any event, I had to act out this scene with him, in either role depending on his mood. Swell stuff to have in your mind...good times...fond memories...NOT

Thanks J for giving me a chance to belch out a little more of this poison.

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#315092 - 12/18/09 05:33 PM Re: Kiss [Re: sono]
user2007 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/13/07
Posts: 346
I was thinking about it, kissing might be something that means a lot more than people think, and can mess things up very badly. I thought this was something I was making a big deal out of, but I thank you all who said I'm not.

I don't know for sure, to tell the truth. I was just wondering what it means and which are the effects it has. Can't tell I really got a definition for myself.

It depends on whom an on the meaning after it. When I was caught and messed up with by complete strangers there was no kissing. All they wanted was someone to screw, and I was the choice. It didn't have any meaning after it, it could've been anyone, I know that. Then, when concerning strangers who did what they pleased there was no, what, for say? Feeling of possession?

But then, when coming to my cousin things change completely. He's known me ever since I was born, it's me because he wants it to be and there's meaning after it. I remember it, by the beginning of this year I was so compliant I'd do anything he wanted. He'd say move I'd move, he'd say sit I'd sit, and so on. He'd rendered me so resigned to that I didn't complain and just did whatever I had to because I'd learned long before with my parents obeying had always made things a little less painful for me.

He'd kiss me all the time. Like as if I was a lover or anything his twisted mind thinks. He'd kiss me when he'd be back from work, when leaving home or anything, like I was his 'wife'. Thinking about it yesterday all I could do was grimace in disgust and say wait a minute WTF!? Like saying I own you.

Things like this, kissing, embracing, somehow they manage to sometimes disgust me even more than the actual act. Maybe because I had done them to people I wanted to before, unlike sex for instance. I remember the disgusting taste of it too much for comfort, it stays and comes to surface every time I fucking look at him. He likes to terrorise me. I can tell in his face when he's coming back for another cycle, he's a fucking psycho.

Sometimes he tries again, with little things like getting too close, like trying to kiss and anything. The kissing thing again. I'm babbling.

_________________________
"Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement"

~ John Mayer



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