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#3150 - 08/05/03 04:54 AM going to therapy
MM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/28/03
Posts: 59
Loc: Canada
Well, Iíd like to thank everybody whoís helped me so much since I first came here. Itís been pretty hard lately and just wanted to let you all in on how lifeís been going this last week. There are so many feelings going through my head, itís hard to predict where Iím going to Ö Iíve been having trouble sleeping at night, night before last I barely slept at all. I spent the night having nightmares of getting sexually abused, over & over & over again. Itís been so difficult; I wish I could forget all that, I feel so damn tiredÖ

On the bright side, my gf and I are back again together, in fact we were never apart, itís something that only happened on my mind. Sometimes, I think Iím going crazy Ö sheís been the most incredible help to me, listens whenever I need to rant, doesnít push me when I donít wanna talk, is tender and loving to me all the time, never judges me or my acts. She was upset of course, and was very disgusted at all that crap, but not AT ME, and man that made a huge difference ... I canít believe how much she loves me, Iím really blessed to have her by my side. I still wanna protect her in any way that I can, but now I feel free to talk to her about everything, things I always believed I would NEVER discuss with her.

Many of you wrote to me to express your feelings about going to see a therapist and I slowly started to realize that it was the best thing I could do, for our relationship and for me. Weíve found some therapists through a local organization that supports victims of rape and child molestation, and weíre calling some of them to sort of interview them, know about their approaches and what I can expect from our first meeting. I already feel like I had taken a small step in gaining control of my life, and it feels good, but Iíve gotta tell you, Iím scared to death to go through that door, sometimes I feel like I want to puke.

Anyway, I just thought Iíd share some good news for a change with all of you. Thanks to all who share and care here,

MM


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#3151 - 08/05/03 06:06 AM Re: going to therapy
zadok1 Offline
Member

Registered: 11/05/02
Posts: 188
Loc: Ohio
MM,

i think you are definately making the right moves, and doing the right things. hang in there, it does get better. it just takes time and work, a whole lot of both.

jeff

_________________________
The world is a dangerous place, not because of those that are evil, but because of those who do nothing about them- Albert Einstein

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#3152 - 08/05/03 08:56 AM Re: going to therapy
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
MM,

Great news. I know how hard it was for me to mention sexual abuse to my psychologist. It was so hard that I didn't. We were actually in couples therapy because we nearly lost our mariage. My wife whom I told just before starting the therapy said something in a session like, "What about that thing you finally told me this summer?" and of course, the psychologist was all over that.

In a way, Susie pushed me to it as your girlfriend pushed you to come here, etc. Ain't it wonderful to have such beautiful people in our lives?

I'd say, "Don't worry, don't be afraid," but that'd be a pretty stupid thing to say. So listen to what Jeff said.

Thanks again,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbrokenÖ"óThe Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#3153 - 08/05/03 10:54 AM Re: going to therapy
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Super Great news MM.It always does my heart good to see survivors begining their Healing. One thing about T's remember they work for you. I checked out 3 different ones to find the T I felt safe with. Also go to the Male Survivors home page and check out the article called shopping for a therapist. Good luck in your HEALING.

Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#3154 - 08/05/03 11:22 AM Re: going to therapy
BT Offline


Registered: 06/25/03
Posts: 388
Loc: Chicago IL
Congratulations, MM, on a great begining. It sounds like you and your gf have a great relationship and I am glad you have her.

I think finding a therapist to work with is a great move. Take it one day at a time and stay in touch here.

Wishing you the best.

BT

_________________________
"Everyone is entitled to their opinions and it is not my job to change their mind." Dali Lama

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#3155 - 08/05/03 11:26 AM Re: going to therapy
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
MM I have been going through the same shit over my sleep. It has been weeks since I got a good nights sleep. Hopefully I can do a overnight sleep study this week at the clnic. When I lay down I get dizzy and short of breath and end up getting back up. I can sleep sitting up in a chair but can't sleep laying down.
What I forgot to tell ya was that there is lots of info on sleep disorder at WEBMD.com It has helped me understand whats going on inside. Best of Luck. Muldoon

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#3156 - 08/05/03 01:36 PM Re: going to therapy
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
MM
My brother you have made incredible progress since I have known you. You have a true gem in your girlfriend; she loves you very much and I know you feel the same about her. My wife had exactly the same feelings when I finally told her; as did my daughter. MM relationships are built on trust and you are now free to reveal everything. As I said before what a long distance you have come.

It is gratifying for you to share this with us. As I said before you gave us your trust and that was huge for us. And you got much the same from us as from that wonderful lady. You cannot begin to realized what this post of your does to boost morale for everyone who reads it.

Keep us posted and continue to bring us your issues.

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#3157 - 08/05/03 02:57 PM Re: going to therapy
MrDon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/08/01
Posts: 957
Loc: Deltona, FL
Glad to hear it.

And remember

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

And that step is the one you are taking.

Don

_________________________
In order to journey to new worlds, we must first be willing to lose site of the shore.

The Mind Body Thoughts Blog
http://mindbodythoughts.blogspot.com/

Check out my relaxing piano music from the heart!
http://www.donshetterly.com

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#3158 - 08/05/03 07:16 PM Re: going to therapy
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
MM
When you walk through that door, we'll all be right behind you.

Dave ;\)

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#3159 - 08/05/03 07:22 PM Re: going to therapy
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
MM,

You are making some very brave and positive moves. Give yourself a pat on the back. You certainly deserve it. As does your gf.

Hope the road ahead has many bright spots. Keep posting here too. You and your love are an inspiration.

be gentle,

Aaron

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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#3160 - 08/05/03 09:04 PM Re: going to therapy
ecb Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/04/03
Posts: 205
That's great news MM.

For me going to a therapist to discuss my SA was one of the scariest moves I have ever made. But it has helped considerable and I am very glad that I did.

I hope it is as rewarding for you.

Eric


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#3161 - 08/05/03 09:23 PM Re: going to therapy
Bill_1965 Offline
Chat Mod Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/29/03
Posts: 1983
Loc: Flint, Michigan
That's great MM,

This is more than a small step, it is a big step, and in the right direction. Congratulations.
Mikey's right, you have a gem of a girlfriend there. Take care of yourself and her.

Bill

_________________________
Pain is Temporary; Quitting lasts Forever. - Lance Armstrong

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#3162 - 08/08/03 08:34 PM Re: going to therapy
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I am glad you decide to get help. I was most resistant at thought of therapy also, at thought of telling of this in 'real world', and also with language barier, I fear of not saying things right, and that make it harder. I was so much of panic with first appointment, I total block it out of head. Even now, is two weeks after it, I can not tell you of what happened at that first appointment, of what I say, because it is block out of my head. I hope that you have much better time of it than that. I know it will be most difficult, emotionally. But as one friend I meet online tells me, remember that you are boss of therapist. You get to set the boundaries, and get to say 'no' if you want to. That person is one who is to work for you, to help you through this. I wish you luck and I wish you well.

Leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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#3163 - 08/09/03 02:32 AM Re: going to therapy
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
MM - I join the brothers in acknowledging that very brave and powerful reaching out for help (going to therapy). We all know what it takes to get ourselves moving and the anxiety we need to walk through. But we also know that it's worth it, MM. I'm with Dave - think of the whole bunch of us guys walking right into that office with you!! You are not alone!!

Howard \:\)

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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