I try to hold back my fears but I choke on reality.
This is insane.
You want me to go but you force me to stay.
You want me to bleed but I can't make a mess.
You want me to cry but you need me to be strong.
You want me to scream but you gag me.
You love to hate me and you need to justify this so
you whisper in my ear "the pain feels good, doesn't it?"
My tears are like razors that I swallow whole.
Falling to my knees in desperation, surrendering my body
to you. I ache inside to please you, to make you proud.
But in this crater of despair I am left lifeless and incomplete. Broken and deserving of your special attention.
There is a story for each scar.
There is a story behind each tear.
I guess I should hate you but I can't.
I once took a blade and I cut myself and it reminded me.
When I was alive inside I felt so betrayed, so abandoned and so lost. But when I die I feel worthy and dirty and special.
So you keep me alive, alive just enough to help you ease the pain and I keep you alive in my mind, just to have someone else to blame.