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#314486 - 12/14/09 08:27 PM Taking care of your inner child
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
A discussion I was recently involved in brought up the idea that we each have a wounded inner child within us. I would like to talk about what each of us does to take care of that inner child.

Anyone?


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#314489 - 12/14/09 08:45 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Dewey2k]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
For me:

1. I recognize he wants to play. Donnie is very simple and shy
2. I take him to the playground.
3. I take him to see the aquariums around town.
4. I take him for some ice cream - actually ice milk or coconut milk as DJ is lactose intolerant.
5. Donnie is my little buddy who is protected now and loved.

And for now he needs to scream and cry at times. We just finished T group so He cried knowing he is not alone anymore. He hurts for his friends.

What a great topic!!!

Next?



Edited by DJsport (12/14/09 08:48 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#314490 - 12/14/09 09:00 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: DJsport]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
I have model trains. I have a teddy bear I sleep with sometimes when I think he is lonely and sad. Ice cream seems to help at times. (cheesy grin).

I go see movies I think someone his age would like and I still indulge in watching and reading science fiction, which is his favorite.

I tell him how proud I am of what he did to keep me sane. That I love him and am not mad at him anymore and do not blame him anymore.

I accept his personality in me and nurture it by being playful and silly at times.

Sometimes I just take the day and veg out. Go to the mall and kick around or buy some toy.

He knows he is loved. He knows he is accepted. He knows I approve of him completely now.

All of that took a lot of time to get to and was very painful requiring me to face some tough truths about myself. He and I both feel now that it was worth it.


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#314499 - 12/14/09 09:58 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Freedom49]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
I bought mine a pair of shoes.



The size I think he was when "it" happened. Just like he was wearing.

Wow! What a jolt! eek

That really gets to ya'. It's an object lesson that packs a wallop.

Allen

pufferfish whistle




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#314502 - 12/14/09 10:07 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: pufferfish]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1138
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Little Jimmie likes taking long baths. I start the bath with hot water, he gets in it and closes his eyes feeling the warmth and listening to the very soothing sound of the water. He never uses soap or shampoo. He especially likes it when it is cold outside.

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#314525 - 12/14/09 11:58 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Dewey2k]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Regrettably I don't do enough, except smoke and drink to soothe myself and to relieve stress whenever I ruminate too much, which I don't suppose counts when it comes to taking care of my inner child. Perhaps though this isn't taking care of anything, except suppressing memories of trauma. There are moments though when I truly feel care free. It may sound silly but playing with my cat tends to take me away from everything. I've always had cats, ever since I was a little kid, so maybe this is a connection to something. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#314552 - 12/15/09 07:47 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Dewey2k]
claretblue Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 97
Loc: UK
Curling up in bed, giving him time to grieve and sob, not rushing it.

Clutching a photo of him as a 6 yr old to my heart, and telling him I love him.

ClaretBlue

_________________________
The more you're afraid of, the less you accomplish.

Taiwanese woman.

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#314637 - 12/15/09 08:11 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: claretblue]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
I don't do as much as I should either.

I have a teddy bear that I had made that sits on my bed, and I cuddle with him sometimes. I'd like to find a place I could go play on the play structures and not draw strange looks, but I haven't found one yet.


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#314792 - 12/16/09 03:29 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Dewey2k]
M3 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
I must admit that key decision in taking my current job was Mike. I'm a camp director and 10 months out of the year Mike gets to play and hang out with other kids playing basketball, volleyball, singing camp songs and helping me direct and teach classes.

I also spend time tring to discover who he was (other than the abuse I really don't remember 5th-12th grades) and visualizing him and I together - me being the parent he deserved as a child. I also write him letters and journal alot. I do know that Mike loves horror movies so I rent them and have a boys night.

As a matter of fact, Mike is pretty damn excited right now - I just got word that I will be directing a week long canoe trip this summer along the Minnesota/Canada border. Whohoo!


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#314794 - 12/16/09 03:54 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: M3]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Donnie gets to take a couple of trips in 2010.

One of them will be to a WoR and the other with be a canoe trip in the boundary waters along the Minnesota/Canada Border.

Donnie loves to fish and hike and camp.

Mike your job sounds absolutely exciting.

Donnie.

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#314797 - 12/16/09 04:41 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: DJsport]
GentleSoul Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/05/07
Posts: 236
Loc: Manhattan
Excellent topic doods!

Little Jay is a very playful dood who likes watching cartoons n' stuff. Especially cartoons like back in the day when Little Jay was growing up. Cartoons like Tom and Jerry and Scooby Doo n' stuff bring Little Jay out. He's kind of hyper at times and he loves farts. He's not a meanie or anything. He just likes to have fun n' stuff. What I've done to bring him out is I play with my dog. My dog is the living embodiment of my inner child so it's very cathartic and healing to play with him. I take him to a leash free park near my house and it really is a treat to watch him run around and play with other people's inner children.

Like some others here who've shared, I've taken Little Jay to Target n' stuff and we pick out toys that he loves like Transformers, one of those foam dart shooting gun thingies, and Star Wars action figures. One time I bought him some crayons and a coloring book and we had a good time n' stuff.

Little Jay loves Disney movies, especially the cartoon ones. Although they don't make Disney cartoons like they used to. His favorite is "Finding Nemo". He also loves "The Little Rascals" movie. There was this one time in the movie... Spanky and the gang made a go-kart n' stuff... And they used a motor from a washing machine for the engine... And then when they were racing, they turned the thingie to 'Spin' to go faster and then the go-kart started spinning and then Spanky and Alfalfa were like "Aaaaarrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhh"!!!! And then I was like laughing n' stuff because they had these funny faces and bubbles started coming out of the engine. It's a good movie.

I also like to go to parks and playgrounds. It's like fun n' stuff watching little kiddies play. But if you stay too long, the parents will get mad and will call the cops on you.

Yeah, there was a time when I was like jealous n' stuff of kids who look happy and funny. But I remember some old guy saying that if you like turn jealousy into admiration, it'll feel better n' stuff.

The End

_________________________
I can finally admit I pretend to say and do nice things so people will think I'm a standout guy.

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#314798 - 12/16/09 05:07 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: DJsport]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2439
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Little Pete, loves to take long trips with big Pete,
this year in May, big Pete & i went to a WoR in Georgia.
It was a monumental occassion, as this is where big Pete had found that lost boy inside of him. It was during the song of "Unchained Memories".

This is where big Pete reached deep inside of his soul, asked God to please give me back to big Pete, and and it was granted.
I took that lost boy and pulled him into my breast,hanging on to him for dear life, i told him that i love him, and i will never let him go.

This is where he vowed to take me, "from the depths of darkness into the sunlight forever, into eternity".

Then we started to get to know each other, we have taken another long ride together this time to an advanced WoR in Utah.
Each time while travelling we talk to each other. I try and keep big Pete on course with his concience & emotions. I try and console him when it gets pretty rough, i try and guide him on our trip towards recovery & eternity. (but big Pete thinks eternity will come first).

But, little Pete is not only learning about himself, he is also learning from, all those other little boys out there, little Jim, Little Donnie, Little Mike's, Little Matt's & even a little Pufferfish. All those little boy's out there who are now finding their big guy. We have a big family of brothers whom help us little boys get to be big boys (men) again.

Yes, we will stumble, we will cry, we will face some sorrows, but, we will face the sunlight, again forever into eternity.

Big Pete, told me so, because He is ME.

Heal well my fraternal brothers, heal well.

Yep, you guessed it, this is from............................
Little Pete & big Pete....that Irishmoose guy.

We have been from the infinity of heaven to the very gates of hell together, and every where in between. We have laughed, we have cried. We were serene then right up to the gates of hell, again.



Edited by petercorbett (01/05/10 12:46 AM)
Edit Reason: wrong song title
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#314812 - 12/16/09 06:54 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: petercorbett]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
I just got an xbox 360, I never had video games as a kid and I always wanted them. I also wrestle with my St. Bernard, she is heavier then me so sometimes she wins, lol. I also love to play in the snow, I used to spend hours doing nothing but playing in the snow and I mean into my early teens. Just a couple weeks ago we got like 6 inches and on my way home from plowing all night I stopped at my parents house for the soul reason as an excuse to play in the snow with my dog. I even made a snowman. After, we both laid on the floor and slept in front of the fire the rest of the day. Dogs are a great, socially acceptable, way for grown men to connect to their inner child.


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#314859 - 12/17/09 01:36 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Dewey2k]
Frank Rogers Offline


Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 6
Loc: Australia
Not sure I take care of my wounded inner child but I can spot events unfolding in the lives of children and try to intervene, defend the child and avoid another trauma. Invariably it comes down to adults living out/acting out their own neuroses.

An overly-childlike position gives me no credibility so I try and be as conscious and pragmatic as possible. What does that mean? When the 3 year old drops the adult knife and fork that's just too heavy to hold, and because the parents want the child to be seen to be so developed and grown up, for example, then I'll try and bring the child something more appopriate to hold, to the (mild) discomfort of the parents. The parents are living out their own ideals through their child (to be seen to be doing a 'good job' with their child) and just don't see that it's impractical. Same goes for 'good behaviour'.

I guess the scenarios like this that push my buttons are the ones that I would have been caught up in, too, so in that way I'm retrospectively taking care of my 'inner child'

_________________________
Wanna get fixed and have healthy relationships

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#314861 - 12/17/09 02:00 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Frank Rogers]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
May I ask about the relationship of the age of one's inner child, relative to the abuse? Is he, the age of the abuse, younger, i.e. before the abuse? What if your inner child, i.e. abuse years, weren't so "child" -ish? Very curious about this. I mean, depending on the type of abuse, I've got a child I can call up for most ages up to 20 ...LOL, but this interests me.

Maybe this is what i've been doing for years, but being almost obsessed with the films of my teens. There are also quite few films from when I was younger that are on that list as well. As a younger child, I would go to the movies every sat and sun matinee to get out of the house...often the same film both days, for weeks at a time. Sometimes, the same film twice in one day, back to back. This was of course before multi-plexes, so if you went to the neighborhood, or closest, cinema there was one offering. OK, sorry, went down memory lane there for a moment. I'm still interested in the answer to my question though about the age of inner child.

sono

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the family
the perp

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#314894 - 12/17/09 10:01 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: sono]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
My memories started around 10 years old. So from there till I left home. I have had some flsshes of two or three things before that so I know there was stuff going on. I just don't remember and really don't want to.


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#314904 - 12/17/09 11:11 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Freedom49]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
I wasn't clear above...I meant when you're trying to "take care of your inner child"...at what age do you envision him to be relative to it all. Sorry, it was my first post of the morning I think!! lol

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#314969 - 12/17/09 09:23 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: sono]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Ahh Sono, well 10 yo or there abouts is what I see in my mind. Sometimes older.


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#314982 - 12/17/09 10:11 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Freedom49]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1138
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Sono,

Timely question as my T asked me to pick a childhood picture to begin some inner child exercises. He said that I would "know" the right one when i saw it.

Well, I chose a picture of me when i was late 12/early 13. Its my avatar. This was right after the abuse when I began to de-construct emotionally.

Jim

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#315150 - 12/19/09 04:00 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: sono]
Frank Rogers Offline


Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 6
Loc: Australia
Great question! My images are of when I was about 5 or 6. From then, it's pretty much a blur. I think after a particular 'event' where the treatment was unbearable (yelling, smacking) or up to a point where repeated put-downs and snide remarks (you'll never make it, you stupid boy) just make you feel like you can't go on under the current guise, then something changes. We protect ourselves by spacing out or zoning out (dissociation) when the situation represents itself and from this point on we have little or no recollection of childhood events.

Sono, in your case, I might suggest (without downplaying the abuse you received) that you always felt there was some kind of hope (like going to the cinema!) that kept you sane. It's when you're truly captive at home like this current adult generation was and there was little childcare that real hopeless damage can be done. We see this in adult prisoners, too, have you heard about the Stockholm Syndrome?

I too have spent my adult life leaving the house (saw Grease 6 times in the local cinema!) and only this year put the pieces together. I now enjoy spending more time at home and feel strangely peaceful when I do.

_________________________
Wanna get fixed and have healthy relationships

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#316096 - 12/24/09 04:19 PM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Frank Rogers]
Dewey2k Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/22/05
Posts: 3069
For me the my inner child's age varies depending on the situation and what I'm feeling at the moment, from very young (6 or younger) to early- or mid-teens. Each age has different needs to be met and different ways to get them.

For the younger ages, I curl up and read a book or watch a Disney film. For the older ages, I'll find something to do that I enjoyed when I was that age.


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#316197 - 12/25/09 08:17 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: Frank Rogers]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey Frank,

Just in case I misrepresented myself somehow, I AM this current adult generation at 45 I guess and my getting out of the house was like ages 8-13.

You asked about the Stockholm Syndrom... I've been living it from 1978 to 2009. Didn't know THAT was part of my problem till just recently though.

Thanks,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#316198 - 12/25/09 08:25 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: sono]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Never thought of that sono, the SS. Hmmmm naube I'll research it to see how it fits in.

Wow lots of stuff out there this seems directly related to this site and subject. Note the Child Abuse Accomodaton Syndrome
http://www.secasa.com.au/index.php/workers/21/54#top

This site talks about SS and how it relates/causes DID
EDIT ok I didn't see this site was a little nutty about mind control but the SS/DID info seems like good reasonable info. The page didn't open with the header showing or I didn't read it until I read it all. Let me know via PM if it isn't please.
http://naffoundation.org/Stockholm_Syndrome.htm#Top of Page

EDIT
OK so its (NAFF) really out there but there are some great nuggets of good stuff in those pages like this on PTSD; It’s now commonly referred to as PTSS, or post-traumatic stress syndrome, as the term “disorder” is a misnomer in the sense that it implies that there’s something inherently wrong with the survivor. In fact, it’s a sane, adaptive response to an overwhelmingly crazy event. The same can be said for DID, but sadly, as of yet, isn’t.



Edited by kidneythis (12/25/09 10:24 AM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#319346 - 01/19/10 03:17 AM Re: Taking care of your inner child [Re: kidneythis]
pbert53 Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 576
Loc: Washington, USA
Dwayne,

i never experienced a child hood frown , so i dont know what to do. I just take suggestions from my T and from csa friends and AA friends.

i was groomed and abused from the age of 4-14, and i truly thought that that is what everyone had happen to them.

i have a polar bear that my g-daughter let me adopt from her, becuz someone told me about their significance, i went to the new chipmunk movie with my g-son and thoroughly enjoyed it.

i kno there are other things i do from time to time. this was a good topic.

peace

paul

_________________________
If you cannot control what happens to you, you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.

~ adapted from: Sri Ram

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