It sounds like you have Social Perfectionism,
As abuse victims, we need to push mountains for others and do things for other people because just being us is perceived by our very selves as not being enough.
I am breaking this down - and as a result some people who hung around for all the good I did for them have now gone wanting.
Donnie, I advise you start doing things that you want to do first and foremost.
If that means things for other people, then great. But moving forward your first thought needs to be - what does Donnie want? what are my needs? And then attend to your needs and happiness first.
This is extremely hard - I have not mastered this by any stretch of the imagination but am working very diligently to get there
I have finally revealed to world my 20 year torment from mother-son sexual abuse, and in dire need of fellow people who have endured this horrible experience,