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#312691 - 12/02/09 05:02 PM Did you ever cry?
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
I was recently chatting with another member here a few days ago. He literally started crying when discussing his past. It came out of him so easily. I never once cried about being sexually abused as a child, not once, ever.

I've cried about alot of other things though. I cried when my dog and companion of 10 years was dying of cancer. I cried when I failed college, all three times (actually, I dropped out 4 times, but I didn't cry the last time, don't know why.) I cried when I was fired from a job that I really honestly tried to do but wasn't experienced enough to do the job to the business's satisfaction. I cried in frustration over my employment status some years back (I just came home from my dead-end job and just curled up in a corner of the room and just cried about life in general.)

But I could talk about my sexual abuse all day long and never cry. What gives?

Was this other survivor I was chatting with further ahead in his recovery than I am? Is it ok to not get upset about thinking of one's abusive past?

I just...........it just doesn't make sense to me how someone can come to this kind of emotional level so easily, where as I.........don't do anything except talk.

Comments anyone?


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#312692 - 12/02/09 05:23 PM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: Hauser]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hauser.

It took me until this summer to really "understand" how Donnie was hurt before I cried and picked him up. I also did some things to understand what a lil boy is like and for me I focused on being 6 as I was 6 when the shit happened to me. I went to the play ground, went to the lil boys clothing section at Walmart, and I bought Donnie some clothes and some match box cars. I looked at pictures of Donnie. I FOUND Donnie. I have balled sometimes uncontrollably.

I have been able to cry at several events in my life but, the csa until this summer.

I can listen to others now.

It takes time. It will come.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#312693 - 12/02/09 05:30 PM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: Hauser]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Hauser
...Was this other survivor I was chatting with further ahead in his recovery than I am? Is it ok to not get upset about thinking of one's abusive past?...


It is very easy for me to cry listening to another man or woman talk about their abuse or rape. I've heard it all too and have interviewed a lot of survivors in my lifetime. I can't say that I've cried specifically about my abuse although I will admit that for the hour or so right after my rape I'm not entirely sure - I very well may have cried, at this stage I just remember shaking a lot from fear and immediately took a shower to try scrubbing him off.

Nonetheless, in my view, I wouldn't take whether or not you can cry about your case as a level of recovery. Maybe you are so used to living in your skin and with the abuse now that crying about it doesn't seem appropriate. Then maybe you will cry about it some day if that is what you need to do and it will just all come out like you've never cried before or will again. smile

_________________________
Jeff

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#312695 - 12/02/09 05:53 PM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: westchesterguy]
Riley Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/09
Posts: 597
Loc: USA
I can relate Hauser, I have never cried about my abuse. I have tried, unsuccessfully and then gave up trying, I will not hold them back, but in my mind if I want to cry I will, if I don't then I will not force myself.

To me crying is letting your emotions take control, which is beneficial, but I'm not gonna force emotions that I don't feel, such as sadness which is related to crying. That is exactly what I have been doing for the past 15 years only in a different manner, I have been forcing happiness and carefreenuss instead of sadness and anger.


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#312702 - 12/02/09 06:17 PM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: Riley]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 820
Loc: Ohio
I don't really cry about that. I very rarely cry. I have cried when I had to put my dog down, I will when I have to put my current 15 year friend/companion dog down, I did when my brother died but almost never other than those. I sort of sit and stare into space, cringe, close my eyes, shudder, throw up, breath heavily, stutter when I think or talk about it, but I haven't really cried a lot.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#312743 - 12/03/09 12:33 AM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: Hauser]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
no I haven't cried. When I'm sidelined by being reminded about it I tend to freeze up, stare off into space, etc. While that's going on there is an element of shock happening, as if to ask "did that really happen to me?". Given this reponse I suppose I've got a while yet before I'll be able to cry about it.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#312747 - 12/03/09 01:05 AM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: jls]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

I have almost never cried. I'm not talking about a few tears streaking down my cheeks.

I did really cry when my dog died, I was about 14-15 years old, as i lost my soul when he went. He was my brother, my only family, who cared for this boy. We talked to each other all the time.

Other than that, it was while i was in that orphanage/Home. And i got the ultimate form of punishment, a paddle with a hunk of lead in it. One of the younger religious Brothers administered it.
It was bend over and show me the moon. (your bare butt) and holding your ankles. Depending on the offense, depended on how many whacks you would get. I never got any less than 4 whacks. But i NEVER cried..in front of them. I would just stare him in the eyes while pulling up my drawers & pants. Just to show him that i could take it. But as soon as he was out of sight this boy cried, and i do mean a flood of tears from all that pain. And you sure wished that it wasn't on your shower night (Saturday), as when that water hit your butt, it just burned like heck snd just added to the original pain. I was between 10-14 yrs old there.

But even before that while my "mom" was beating the crap out of me, i taught myself not to cry, not to show any weakness. And i had taught my self well, as other than those 2 events, i still haven't cried since.

Heal well my fraternal brothers, heal well.

Little Pete & big Pete..but 1 (Irishmoose).

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#312751 - 12/03/09 01:43 AM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: petercorbett]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
alan,

I have begun to cry but just recently at all and then only about the effects. I woke up this morning actually after my usual 4 hours sleep and was almost immediately crying about one of those missed opportunities because of the abuse, and the effects of my abuser's head trip. Crying about the abuse itself??? Nah, I haven't never done that either. I've got a barrier around it that in my heart which would make the old Berlin Wall look like a welcoming group of hula dancers in Honolulu. Talking about it's good too.

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#312753 - 12/03/09 01:51 AM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: sono]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6857
Loc: USA
I cried buckets when the memories of my abuse came back. But always alone for some reason. Usually in my car.

For a while, I was so supersensitive that if I heard the word "abuse" in public I would start to cry.

Now I cry over sadness in movies and books. Because abuse at a young age made me have serious disassociation affecting my eyes, I cry in sadness in movies out of my right eye! Sick, hugh!! sick Yes, sick.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#312754 - 12/03/09 01:53 AM Re: Did you ever cry? [Re: sono]
mogigo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey Alan, feeling like there's a problem here.

Just a question to ya,"Is there nothing worth crying about in you're abuse".

Just a question smile

Hmmm.

Stay strong
Mike

_________________________
Thriving

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