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#312580 - 12/01/09 08:32 PM being called names
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
One of the biggest auditory sensations of my young life that affects me today is the words I heard. Words became weapons of destruction.

Being associated with certain actions - ie looking at friend or naked classmate for a nanosecond too long - I became a "faggot". If I did not fight the bully I was too good to be seen with therefore ignored. If I did not kiss a girl by the time I was a 10 I was a "woos". If I did not make it to first base with a "girl" by the time I was 12 I was a "will not say it since women read this too". If I did not make it to home base by the time I was 16 then I was "gay".

I did not make it. I am a "faggot". Those words had the meaning of being judged as being less than. Being anything but straight had consequences.

I don't have to answer to anyone for who I am. But, I will say no one would know I am a puffer. No one would know I think "he" has a hot ass. I am very masculine. I have no interest in .....

I stand for my right to be who I am.

How do you feel about derogatory words?

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Live to your fullest potential

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#312589 - 12/01/09 10:19 PM Re: being called names [Re: DJsport]
RatherBhotubbing Offline


Registered: 11/20/09
Posts: 3
Loc: Canada
Words hurt. Don't ever believe that stupid saying "sticks and stones...." not true.We can damage people with the words we use, and we can change who people are.

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United we stand, Divided we fall.

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#312590 - 12/01/09 10:26 PM Re: being called names [Re: DJsport]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
i hated being called faggot as a kid, my step father would call me that under his breath,..derogatory words hurt....i dont have a problem with a difference of opinion but there are respectful ways to express ones perspective without resorting to the lowest common denominator...

i was bullied alot as a kid for being a bed wetter, and got called every name you could think of...they would call me "diaper dan", i still to this day cannot even say it aloud,..im suprized that i would even post it here. i was a bed wetter till i was 15, and i was so ashamed of it...everyone knew....and they were relentless when they picked on me...such bad memories.

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Post Nubilia Pheobus

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#312593 - 12/01/09 10:37 PM Re: being called names [Re: DJsport]
TNuss Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 202
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
I remember words like that when I was a kid....i remember not knowing what they meant.....i remember being so ashamed of having being abused so I keep it, pushed it deeper inside, so no one would find out what I had done!!!

I remember it hurting so, so much, that I became that boy that did boy things even if I didn't enjoy them like boy scouts, football, baseball. It was tough, looking back I wish I had joined band....I have to stop.....I did what I did so i could become who I am today.

Thank DJ, BIG HUGS!!!

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All my best!!!

In harmony,
Troy
________________________________________________________
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

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#312597 - 12/01/09 10:59 PM Re: being called names [Re: RatherBhotubbing]
Bewlayb1 Offline
Guest

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 241
Loc: NYC
Words hurt, there's no doubt about it. After the abuse, I was a complete basketcase, subject to a lot of cruelty. I was overweight. I was called faggot. The worst was when people tried to "help" me by pointing out how pitiful my social skills were.

In adulthood, I learned a trick that helps dull the pain. The insults you recieve aren't directed at you, they're directed at the person who is speaking. Recently, I was "spoken to" at work by a coworker who I unintentionaly offended. She said that I wasn't grateful for a favor she did, and I put her down instead. Meanwhile, I agreed to work a shift she didn't like days before our little talk. She also said I didn't take the job seriously. I admit that I joke around, but so does she, as much as I do. I just get more laughs. She said I didn't know when I was crossing a line, and suggested I thought she was stupid. Now, saying I thought she was stupid definitely crossed a line of appropriate workplace behavior. Hey, she was even criticizing herself for underestimating me.

I'm not immune either. I accused her of being "too defensive." Good one, me.

You see where I'm going. My fat brother used to make fun of my weight more than anyone. The kid in high school who most frequently mocked my social skills was shy, and had a strange style of speaking which sounded like an impediment. My mother who hates men laughed at my disinterest in sex. And people who call you faggot...well, you figure that out.

The more hateful your words, the greater your own self-hatred. It's hard not to feel hurt, but the right sentiment to have is pity.


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#312620 - 12/02/09 12:47 AM Re: being called names [Re: Bewlayb1]
philistine Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/27/09
Posts: 209
Loc: Oregon

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but they heal much easier than the words that wounded my self-esteem, self-confidence and self-worth.

_________________________
Mike

"No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself" - Nietzsche

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#312649 - 12/02/09 10:04 AM Re: being called names [Re: philistine]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
It takes Ten positive messages to make up for one negative message.

So I have been told.

MJ

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***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#312694 - 12/02/09 05:44 PM Re: being called names [Re: DJsport]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: DJsport
.... "faggot"....


Reading all the posts here makes me wonder if there is a man alive today in the U.S. who is under 50, who was NOT called a fag at some point in time. :-) I'm making light of it of course, because I did not when it was used on me as a teen too... and I was just not wise enough to even know what it meant. (But it must have been terrible because I'm terrible so the word fit.)

I've tried to change the world in my own way - and truly I don't see anyone else doing this. "Can I bum a fag?" comes to mind... "Love my fags!" is another one. Let people hear it outside sexual references and realize of course it means a smoke/cig whatever as the Brits say still. Telling someone not to call someone a fag doesn't seem to work.

The word that gets me most of all is nigger. While I'm not black, I just have always found that to be the most offensive word of all. "Racist" is being used a lot today and out of context in my view. If you are white anything you say is racist in 2009. I love "white trash" as I used that term to describe the Bush Royals and all other political figures with IQs of less that 10. ha. There are too many to name here. laugh

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Jeff

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#312697 - 12/02/09 05:55 PM Re: being called names [Re: westchesterguy]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
deleted - overrated



Edited by DJsport (12/02/09 07:55 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#312712 - 12/02/09 07:49 PM Re: being called names [Re: DJsport]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: DJsport
And why would u make light of it now?


Ah, I made light of it because those guys who called me a faggot where GAY! They were all as gay as gay can be DJ! I see that now. It was never about me. It was always about their own sexuality.

Secondly, my own rape was never about being gay either. My rapist got off molesting boys and girls, he was not gay. He was a pedophile.

There has been similar discussions about the n-word being watered down in order to minimize its impact if everyone was just to use it to mean something entirely different. I just see that by using the word fag in the way I described, may lead to questioning its meaning in future. "Did he just call me a cigarette or a gay guy?" Once that question hits, the word begins to lose the nastier edge. I can't think of another way to do it. Kumbaya songs from the camp fire, and from GLSEN and PFLAG have made no difference - the word still means today what it did in 1980.












Edited by westchesterguy (12/02/09 07:50 PM)
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Jeff

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