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#311140 - 11/20/09 11:23 AM Re: It Begins- Consolidation [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
I think some of you have the wrong idea about my deciding not to want to post. I am not ashamed or embarrassed about any of it. I am a miracle for having achieved mediocrity.
The nearly successful intent of the torture I endured at the shelter was to make me retarded and insane so I'd have to spend my life in an institution.
I have enemies in the world, people who seem to have made it an avocation to cause me harm. I do not know them personally I only know them by the signs they leave*. This is compounded and partly encouraged and caused by my communication problems. I have expressive aphasia** but I am high functioning. I appear normal but because I had it inflicted at such a developmentally critical time I didn't get to have the critical exchanges that answer and explain the world to a child. My abusers deeply enjoyed the idea that I would be trapped in my mind fully aware and unable to communicate with people. They had finally deduced after a couple of years of me telling them that my ability to be right was not magic or me somehow using whitey tricks, I was simply taught how to think and to ask the questions that lead to the answer. So interfering with my ability to ask those questions became the tactic used to undermine me and finally bring me down. They thrilled at what they began to learn and took much pleasure in denying it to me.

* I was injured at work and the medical treatment I got ended up turning a nothing injury into 100% disability. I have only recently began to figure out what is going on with my medical care. http://www.patient-safety.com/blacklisting_patients.htm
And I am hermit like because of my aphasia, in a strange town which I was snookered into buying in. The people here are quite evil and xenophobic to the point of practically not even allowing news from outside the area in. They have taken great pleasure in stripping me of my retirement settlement and doing as shoddy a job as possible and the inspector passes it. They've sicced the IRS on me to strip away my savings as well. It is coming oout of the local office because I get it fixed and another bill comes And somehow my phone calls with the people who fix the problem aren't in the record after I get a new bill. I nearly lost my home because of the credit union conning me into an ARM and I am now twice as far into debt as I had invested into this place when I took it out. I had to refi from a nearly paid off 15 year mortgage to a 30 year mortgage at 2.625% higher rate. I'm not happy and the regulators are just as corrupt.


**http://www.aphasia.org/ They sat around in front of me openly thinking of ways to harm me w/o leaving a mark on my body that would leave lasting damage and make my life hard.




Edited by kidneythis (11/20/09 11:41 AM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#311161 - 11/20/09 02:31 PM Re: It Begins- Consolidation [Re: kidneythis]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
hey kidney, i appreciate learning more about you. thanks for sharing about your life struggles. you've been thru a lot and you deserve to heal.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#311218 - 11/20/09 09:12 PM Re: It Begins- Consolidation [Re: Sans Logos]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6845
Loc: USA
kidney

I'm sorry for all your troubles. You didn't need more trouble did you. I hope you can heal here.

Sometimes when I was new to this MS site, I would spend time writing a post and then hit the 'preview' button. Then I would forget to hit the 'submit' button. Is it possible you might have not hit the submit button?

Allen

pufferfish


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#311373 - 11/22/09 09:04 AM Re: It Begins- Consolidation [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
OOps



Edited by kidneythis (11/22/09 09:06 AM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#311374 - 11/22/09 09:05 AM Re: It Begins- Consolidation [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Knowing why I have been feeling like I'm going crazy doesn't help and it is hard not to stay angry all the time that aside from the xenophobic and racist bigotry I face here, people I trusted with and paid for my care have acted with impunity to protect people they know have caused harm.
Apparently the blacklist extends to any place I might get help for the damage done. What I have been offered in the way of mental health care is a therapeutic situation that seems based on the idea that 'if you don't bring up the things that caused this problem to arise now, cause you the most pain, and are the most intrusive upon your mind, we'll try to help you suppress it. Preferably with drugs. That way if you do manage to finally find an honest person, we can point to the unnecessary drugs and say you're crazy.'
For me the abuse has picked up right where it left off. Only the people and part of the motivation for it have changed.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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#311547 - 11/23/09 09:37 PM Re: It Begins- Consolidation [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Let's see I got up after a bad night. Posted a lame opinion on here, then tried to distract myself all day watching videos online. I ignored the phone and then I cam back on here to read and post again.
another day not much more progress except I was succesful at distracting myself today.

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#311578 - 11/24/09 08:31 AM Re: It Begins- Consolidation [Re: kidneythis]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
last night was worse than the night before. I got out of bed at 4. My back is screaming, the damage inflicted is really chewing me up. My ribs pop out for no other reason than I am sitting here.
the cloud of mental anguish is swirling over me and threatening to drag me down again.
why is it so hard to find honest people here in Oregon?

_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
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