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#311297 - 11/21/09 12:32 PM Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay
jbh8 Offline


Registered: 10/29/09
Posts: 94


Edited by jbh8 (02/20/13 04:05 PM)

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#311328 - 11/21/09 07:22 PM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: jbh8]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
j, sorry you are having to suffer this dilemma, i guess it was inevitable though. i've stood in your shoes during my early life being raised roman catholic. there was no other way to be than what was ordained and sanctioned by dogma. i spent half of my life trying to fit into that, and allowed my inability to measure down to that standard become the source of a great deal of shame for me. that shame caused me to create an entire false self out of the need to prove myself worthy of love and acceptance. i even went so far as to ruin the lives of another family by dragging them into my drama. it happens a lot.

i have no advice or suggestions for you. obviously, you been dealt a sucky hand, and you have to figure out how to play it.

but we're here to give you all the emotional support we can while you figure out the steps you need to take to solve your puzzle. we can only tell you what worked and didn't work for our own unique case, and hope there may be something there that may be useful.

be true to yourself j. if at all possible, avoid dragging innocent bystanders into the fray of your own personal dilemma. you owe no one an explanation for that. your inner world, and your direction are no man's business but yours, and the one who made you. please don't make mistakes that will ultimately rob you of the life you were meant to have, but rather will remove from your hands the ability to guide your life in the path it was truly meant to go, just to please some panel of critics and judges who profess to have your best interests at heart.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#311338 - 11/21/09 09:55 PM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: Sans Logos]
jbh8 Offline


Registered: 10/29/09
Posts: 94


Edited by jbh8 (02/20/13 04:05 PM)

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#311342 - 11/21/09 10:27 PM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: jbh8]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
jbh8,

You did not involve anyone innocent in this. You posted something honestly. I understand about struggles involving religion. It is not easy at all in any way.

I truly wish you well as you seek out answers for yourself. I do not know you well but hope to get to know you better.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#311367 - 11/22/09 05:15 AM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: jbh8]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Quote:
I'm trying not to include any innocent bystanders


...no, i didn't think you were. i was just using myself as an example for what NOT to do. when you marry, you marry a family and all the people in it, not just the person; and to that family you marry your unresolved issues. i was just hoping that you would hold off on that until you cleared up your confusion, and not just do it because some rule book said to. speaking of confusion, i'm sorry if my reply was not helpful. i just don't want to see you get hurt any more than you already have been. cool

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#311375 - 11/22/09 09:10 AM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: Sans Logos]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Originally Posted By: jbh8
I'm not sure I can even put the blame there. It's probably all on me.



Hi James,

I know this was an incredibly big step you took in posting this topic and I really wanna give you a big hand for making that step.


I hope you can realize that many of the big stresses going on in your life ARE related exactly to what you experiences as a child, and NOT some inherent flaw in you!!!!!!!!!

If I may James, I feel like you are right now putting unnecessary pressure on yourself about what your life will look like while right now you're in a phase where you still have a lot of sorting to do about the very traumatic events you've experienced. Maybe some of my fellow survivors might disagree with me, but I feel working on that, in whatever ways you might feel comfortable (and I'm glad coming here is one of those for you) is even more important that trying to answer any specific orientation issues. By that I mean at some point working with a professional to try and make sense of what happened to you. These other issues will of course be a part of that, but I think trying to focus on those questions specifically will continue to bring frustration until you have a little more distance and perspective on those indeed very formative experiences.

Reconciling whatever all of this may lead to in terms of your religion is a topic that I am not much help with. I merely suggest to try and not make that your principle question right now, but rather "what DOES all of that mean that happened to me." Maybe you're not there yet, ready to do that I mean, but I do really feel and I think many guys would agree with me, that at some point it is essential to sorting out your life's picture and by that point a balance between all of these issues will be easier to reach.

strength and patience,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#311380 - 11/22/09 09:50 AM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: Sans Logos]
jbh8 Offline


Registered: 10/29/09
Posts: 94


Edited by jbh8 (02/20/13 04:05 PM)

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#311382 - 11/22/09 10:01 AM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: sono]
jbh8 Offline


Registered: 10/29/09
Posts: 94


Edited by jbh8 (02/20/13 04:04 PM)

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#311391 - 11/22/09 11:30 AM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: jbh8]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, J.

I was once a licensed minister in the Assembly of God church.

I was well respected and loved. I was married at the time and had lots of family.

When I came to terms with my same sex attractions, I also had to come to terms others would NOT like it.

I am so honored to listen to you and your sharing.

You have gotten some great feedback and I cant add to it except to say BRAVO to you for getting to you more.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#311399 - 11/22/09 01:36 PM Re: Being LDS (Mormon) and Potentially Gay [Re: jbh8]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey James,

Do you know what bothers you more...that everyone else is hooking up and you feel left out, or that you have no interest in hooking up...if I've incorrectly understood what you meant, I'm sorry, and by all means don't feel compelled to answer these questions for me.

In either event, I feel dealing with the csa possibly plays a bigger role in the solution to the problem than may yet be apparent to you now. I know that has turned out to be the case for me, in so many ways that were prior to beginning recovery unimaginable to me.

In spite of all of this, I hope you can find some time to do some things you enjoy doing...go play some music!!

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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