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#311262 - 11/21/09 08:55 AM What ended your abuse?
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States

I ended the abuse by refusing to visit him anymore. For a while, I put up with his desire to be sexual with me because he also gave me "friendship" and let me hang out with him and read his comics (he had a nice collection of 60's Superman comics, Neal Adams artwork), let me play with his model train which occupied an entire room in his place, let me smoke his cigarettes, etc.

But......like I said, every time I went over there, I inevitably found myself in his bed with him. Somehow he always talked me into doing it.

One time, I tried to politely refuse, and he totally messed with my emotions by not talking to me and turning cold. He got ME to say "I'm sorry" to HIM for trying to refuse his advances. How nice.

Anyway........I got sick of all the bullshit that came with his "friendship" and simply stopped coming over.


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#311263 - 11/21/09 09:10 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: Hauser]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
My dad just went out of my life one day when I was 10 -- and I didn't see him again until I was a teenager, and bigger than him. That's what ended my abuse. He has a bad habit of running, even today. I'm not really sure where he went but I'm sure he went to isolate and go on drinking binges and feel sorry for himself. It's possible he was homeless. Who knows.

It's so strange, even as a teen I felt most of the fury at him because he vanished without a call or letter or anything for like 4 years, not because he abused me for a decade. Weird.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#311266 - 11/21/09 09:39 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: AndyJB2005]
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
Hi again Andy. Good to see you!

That's sad about your father........:(

What's the deal with these guys that have kids and then don't want to be a parent, let alone a non-abusive parent?


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#311267 - 11/21/09 09:46 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: Hauser]
AndyJB2005 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/14/06
Posts: 1242
Loc: Saint Paul, Minnesota
Hey, man -- good to see you, too. smile

My dad is too psychotic (literally been diagnosed, not just saying) to be a deadbeat dad. In my opinion, he can't be held to the same standards as normal people because it's likely he's still a child in his own head. He doesn't have the ability to take care of himself let alone kids.

But I never did live with him anyway (grew up with my grandparents until 11 1/2, then my mom's house), but I did see him often on visits -- which is when he'd abuse me.

_________________________
Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. -- Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes)

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#311269 - 11/21/09 10:09 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: AndyJB2005]
FormerTexan Offline
Site Administrator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 11046
Loc: Denver, CO
I wonder if "separation" is a key theme in many endings of abuse. Abuse from my mother came in several forms. I would part of the crap ended simply with time, as I got bigger than her. The emotional abuse ended when I finally moved out - lotsa miles between us.

Separation. Cutting off the connection. Even killing the relationship in some cases.

_________________________
List of things ain't nobody got time for:

1. That


If I could meet myself as a boy...

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#311273 - 11/21/09 10:24 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: AndyJB2005]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hauser and Andy,

I get what your saying.

*****triggering******

I ended the advances of my perp in the bedroom of my grandma's house at age 12 I think.

He was on furlough from the Marines - he was 19 at the time.

He wanted to show me the cool tatoo he got so, he said come here. I thought wtf it is on your arm but went anyway. It had been 2 years since I had seen him and I was almost as big as he was. As soon as we were behind the bedroom door he had his member out and had his hand on my waist of my pants.

I turned around and stated "you touch me again and your member is going in the pail with the bulls nuts". He stated ooooo just try and reached from my pants again. I grabbed his member-balls and squeezed so hard he started to cough. I yanked on them as well as squeezed them. He begged ME to stop. I let go and he ran.

Thanks for the thread Hauser.

DJ



Edited by DJsport (11/21/09 10:25 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#311280 - 11/21/09 10:35 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: FormerTexan]
Moortje Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/20/09
Posts: 104
Loc: Oregon
The sexual abuse from my grandfather from the ages of 7-9 ended when we moved out of our house in California (where he lived with us) to Oregon, and he moved back to his native New Mexico, where he died some years later.

The sexual abuse from my older cousin from the ages of 13-16 was extremely bad, he was much bigger than me and was also very, very violent towards me. He harmed me severely on a few occasions. But it ended when, after having had the responsibility and "blame" for the acts that he perpetrated constantly thrust upon me for the entire duration, something snapped. It was completely unspoken. I suddenly realized I wasn't going to take it anymore, he instantly knew I wasn't going to take it anymore. I could no longer pay the price he demanded for his friendship. It finally reached a point where I realized how little his "friendship" was ever worth. I realized I never meant anything to him, beyond his uses for me. He was no longer invited to my social events and knew to avoid me at family functions.

So, in my experience, the first abuse experience ended only because of a physical separation, but the second was different. Neither of us were moving anywhere, but I'd be damned if our paths were going to cross again if I could help it.

~Matty



Edited by Moortje (11/21/09 10:37 AM)

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#311281 - 11/21/09 10:37 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: DJsport]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1123
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
I got fed up and told him after a boy scout meeting that I would not go over his house anymore (in essence, we were through).

*********** triggers *********

He then grabbed me, forced me into the woods and had me one last time.

The next day I fought him at lunch time at school (this was 7th grade). It was quickly broken up by a teacher. I was given a choice of 3 paddles or 3 days suspension. I took the paddles.

I saw him in the principal's office and he looked at me like he was going to kill me (playing with his comb like it was a switchblade). I just gave him a dirty look back.

I did not see him again for many years until one semester at community college. i suspect that he got expelled from school. he was quite a trouble making bully type.

Jim



Edited by Jim1961 (11/21/09 10:39 AM)
Edit Reason: trigger warning
_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#311283 - 11/21/09 11:14 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: Jim1961]
jbh8 Offline


Registered: 10/29/09
Posts: 94


Edited by jbh8 (02/20/13 04:05 PM)

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#311287 - 11/21/09 11:19 AM Re: What ended your abuse? [Re: jbh8]
seeker43 Offline


Registered: 06/12/09
Posts: 34
Loc: jalisco, mexico
The first round ended when my father had an argument with my uncle at dinner one night and he was no longer welcome in our house or around any of us. The second round (intense acting out with various perpetrators) ended when I reached ninth grade and got real busy with extracuricular activities and trying desperately to fit in with the popular crowd. Also had my first real crush that year, that may have had something to do with it.

Scott


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