~~~Triggering~~~

There are so many ways of acting out ones csa, I wonder if for this young boy this was his way of making it right. Now it seems we may never know. When I first read this story I did vomit as it is so close to home. No, I was not the one stripped down. I was the other party. Yet made to watch. Though she lived that day, she was broken. What she was doing was acting out her stuff.

So, now the original perp for this boy will get away. Because of the ignorance of a mother and father. (All in my opinion)

Tuggs

Your sig really touched me - Thank you Andy.

Mike

Hi, my fraternal brothers,

May that boy rest in peace. Real tragic.

In my OPINION,his father was the sick one in the end.

I, had always wished that my "mother" was dead, but i never would have harmed her and never did.

Heal well my fraternal brothers, heal well.

Little Pete & big Pete...but 1 (Irishmoose).

The penalty in Michigan for first-degree murder is life without parole, which I am sure that this guy will get. With the right kind of therapy, most likely this kid could have led a productive life, his victim too. Now it is just another expensive tragedy that we will all have to pay for forever.

Mark

People's reaction to sexual abusers is PART of the problem that we face today. People think we protect our kids by putting regulations on convicted offenders so it makes it more difficult to offend again. The problem with that logic even if it prevents further occurances 100% is that a the offender has to actually get caught. Most offenders have more than 1 victim before they get caught. So now if the offender molests a kid and feels remorse about it and wants to get treatment they can't because coming forward would ruin their life (not saying that their crimes don't ruin the victims lives) because any conviction even probation will require being on the sex offenders registry and notifying the neighborhood. So instead of getting the treatment that they need and want perps are forced to keep quiet and still have the urge to abuse again. While its true that not all offenders are sorry and able to be rehabilated mandatory registration doesn't not allow those people to take responsibility for their actions and possibly prevent a future assault. So rather than 1 life ruined multiple lives will protentially be ruined before the perp gets caught. Maybe if my brother felt he could come forward without the fear of being arrested and labeled a sex offender maybe it wouldn't have taken me over 5 years in denial to comes to terms with my abuse.

Another more disturbing problem is the people who have urges to molest children. Society views these people as the scum of the earth and will make their lives miserable if they come forward. So now a person won't get help to prevent a life from being ruined.

If these common sense could prevail and if kids were more educated on not only stranger danger but the fact that realtives can be abusers too, maybe we'd see a decrease in the numbers of sexual abuse victims.

I have a news flash for the father, not only do people know your son was an abuser, you are also now a murder. So you haven't gotten rid of any shame you have, you just doubled it.

Research shows a very high rate of non-criminal life for juveniles who have committed sexual offenses. Unfortunately, we'll never know whether this kid would have been rehabilitated.

There is a site for those who are concerned about the behaviors of others or their own thoughts and feelings about abusing:

www.stopitnow.org

Thanks for the info Ken, you are a key member of this site and have helped many hear. Thank you.


I also want to add the i think that it is imperative that we as a society give perps treatment. I mean they are human too and we can't kill them, so what else are we supposed to do, warehouse them for life? I don't think so!
That and there exist far more than we see on/above the radar so if we where to be more open about treating them, maybe there would be a lot less CSA. Just a thought.

Logan

jtt5254 - I couldn't agree more! How is this problem and the trauma it causes ever going to be stopped if those who are committing these terrible acts can't get help! Like Tuggs said everyone has different ways of working out their csa and like Ken said the link between acting out and non- criminal activity is strong!

Thank you Ken for posting that link. My daughter is only 7mths old and already my H and I worry about how we can protect her...this site was so helpful.

Thank you for everyone's response to this thread. I find it very humbling to see survivors extend humanity to perps...I often struggle to see them as "human" which I think says more about me and my lack of ability to forgive and let go of the anger/ bitterness I feel towards my husband's perp...I think it also says a lot about the lack of understanding I've had (for so long) around acting out, victimisation and csa---I feel sad and guilty for this but am learning and growing.

givemestrength,

This is my problem with getting angry with my perp, I see him on a semi-regular basis cuz I still live at home and I see the person not the monster.

I know I may never be the same because of what my brother did to me. However I don't want to make mistakes and subject someone else to this just because "perps don't deserve treatment". Zero tolerance doesn't work in schools and it doesn't work for sexual abusers.

Agreed. To start off with, no one can legally call the kid a perp since it was never proved in court, nor was he under any sort of police investigation to do with it. His father took care care of that. Although now that it is hearsay, thanks to his father, if by his own admission it was true that he was sexually abusing that 3 year old he still deserved his day in court. Also, if the speculation was correct that at fifteen he was proactive about admiting what he had done then there may have been some hope for him to change his ways if such was the case. This may sound unorthodox to say on these boards but I believe there is hope for change for some sex offenders. It all comes down to accountability, which sadly I will admit is sorely lacking ammong many of them. JS