Newest Members
andrewmartin, Aurigny, Luther, LuckyCharm, Jennifer Lyons
12251 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Beyond Abuse (51), dona (55), JoMiFa (35), norbrill1 (62), RubyRoberts (62)
Who's Online
3 registered (Tiger1982, englishmaninNY, 1 invisible), 45 Guests and 2 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12252 Members
73 Forums
63106 Topics
441313 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#310734 - 11/17/09 04:34 PM Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 193
By answering the following question with 'YES', 'NO', or 'NOT SURE' you can really help me get to the bottom of this question:

When you were a child (age 8-18) did a medical Doctor ever check private areas during a 'sick visit'?

I will assume that during 'full physicals' private areas were checked (so I'm not asking that). The goal is to see how unusual what happened to me is.

It would be great if EVERYONE who read this post answered.

[If your answer is 'YES' please indicate if you felt it was inappropriate at that time- I am just trying to figure out how inappropriate the Dr. I saw that time as a kid was...the answers here will help.]

Thanks very much!


_________________________
My Story

Top
#310735 - 11/17/09 04:46 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Just Me,

No the dr did NOT check my private area - is the answer for me - during sick visits - my doctor checked my throat and ears. I was asked if I had a stomach ache or any other issues.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

Top
#310743 - 11/17/09 05:54 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: DJsport]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey J M,

Only during a regular physical with mother present.

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

Top
#310745 - 11/17/09 06:01 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: sono]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA


Never a regular doctor, but once a school nurse (who was male) actually gave me a hernia check the perverted way. I heard he did this to all the students too, but looking back on it I'd say it was sexual abuse because it isn't necessary to do that to check for a hernia, right?



Edited by Casmir213 (11/17/09 06:08 PM)
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

Top
#310746 - 11/17/09 06:01 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: sono]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Yes, I got the old hernia check quite a few times as a kid when I didn't think that it was a part of the problem. I didn't like it then either, but I always thought then that it was part of any regular doctor visit. Perhaps my old doctor was a perp in disguise too. Here lately my doctor is a really fine looking late 30-something young gal and I don't mind when she wants to do it!!!

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



Top
#310787 - 11/18/09 12:30 AM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
When I was five or six I vaguely remember my pants being pulled down by a doctor so he could access my backside, probably to give me a shot. I don't remember anything inappropriate occuring and I seem to recall an adult family member being in the room at the time. Later when I was 16 and in the process of joining the military an army physician put his finger up there as part of receiving a full physical. No teenage kid likes that but at the time I presumed it was part of the deal. However, I didn't find the jockular humour he used while he was doing it appropriate. After the physical I remember new recruits the same age as me commenting on the same thing so it has always made me wonder. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


Top
#310794 - 11/18/09 01:48 AM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: jls]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 856
Loc: washington
I was born with herniated testicals as a child, (one was brought down and the other was removed---perhaps some unintentional trauma there...as I didn't really enjoy losing my bits).

Beyond that... I had on-call doctors that would spend like what seemed all day fondling me. Sometimes, I just wanted to blurt out...did you see those five inch scars on each side of my torso...(I was just thinking...you might want to stop staring at my junk and look for a clue...??? (sometimes this was almost laughable).

There were shots and other reasons for having my pants down...even when sick...I just felt...it was kinda par for the course whenever visiting...

This is just my experience...and am not trying to minimize the fact that this type of abuse exists...but I am going...with a "no"...specific to my case.


Somebody Save Me (Cinderella)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

Top
#310816 - 11/18/09 08:11 AM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: 1islandboy]
Elad 12 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/05
Posts: 1176
Loc: on the coast
no


Top
#310860 - 11/18/09 04:33 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: Elad 12]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 193
Thanks! I appreciate the responses and I am looking forward to more.
So far so good.

_________________________
My Story

Top
#310891 - 11/18/09 07:46 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
This is tuff for me to share and I only 'remembered' it recently and descused it with my T who commented on it saying to me that it was a form of such body violation that it could be considered rape.

****Major--TRIGGERS****

I guess I put this out of my mind until I had dealt with some(a LOT) of the other stuff from my past, and then one day I remembered it and felt extreme shame from it until I discussed it over with my T.

When I was 12 yrs old, I when to the pediatrician for a regular physical or at least I think that is why I when, it may have also been because my behavior had changed dramatically at that time. It was at the time that my second abuser, the violent one was abusing me and he had already fully raped me by that time.
Now that I think about it I don't think it was a regular checkup because my mom was acting strange, talking privately with one of the doctors before I was seen by that Doctor. It was not my regular Doctor but rather the head of the practice; an older woman that I did not exactly distrust but was weary of anyone wanting to see me naked. she started by asking me some extremely embarrassing questions with my mom still present in the room at that time about why my penis was raw in some places and had a small scab on it-she did this while pulling down my shorts and touch me there and my reflexive response was to say aggressively, "I Don't Know!," and pull away and pull up my shorts. The doctor then whispered something to my mom and my mom left the room after that. The Doctor then told me to remove my shorts and lie flat on my stomach on the examining table. I followed her orders roboticly as if in a trance Then without telling before she did it he had put on a rubber glove and some lubricant and she shoved her fingers into me. I flinched hard and then froze. She was digging around, pressing on/in different areas of inside me, stopping a certain points to ask, "does it hurt here" to which I replied "No." She kept moving around and stopping frequently would say "how 'bout here" to which my response was the same mechanical answer, "No."
All this time that this was going on my body was in panic frozen mode praying for it to end and every time she pressed down it hurt like HELL! But I was so afaid of anyone finding out what was happening to me at the time that I kept my mouth shut and dealt with the pain.
The other thing that shamed the hell out of me was at the time this examination was taking place I got and erection and I felt so, so, so ashamed of that and afraid that she would notice when I began to get dressed.

When I told my T this story, I told him in a matter of fact way and it had not crossed my mind that this too was a Major violation to me and in a sense was a form of rape.

On an extra note after this experience, I began to lubricate myself before I would meet with my perp so that the rapes were not as painful but by doing that it made me feel even more complicit in the acts as i would rationalize that "I am preparing my self/body for the next encounter/ not even trying to resist or fight him but just accepting it and going along with it and praying that it would be over quick so that I could go back home!

this has officially brought me to heavy tears so i am going to go and take my dog for a long walk and take a break from all this

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
#310902 - 11/18/09 08:12 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: Logan]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 193
(((Logan))))

_________________________
My Story

Top
#311083 - 11/20/09 01:18 AM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
I don't know how I feel about what i posted being up here in the public realm.

I may keep it up for just another week or few days.

Hopefully is helps someone, but it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

Logan

BTW, than you, just me.

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
#311088 - 11/20/09 01:34 AM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: Logan]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6806
Loc: USA
YES

I had a negative experience with a physician at a boy scout camp. I was 12. It was in 1951. In this case the Dr. examined all the boys coming into the camp (guessing about 120 boys). Even though the boys had already been examined by their own Dr. with a signed statement of health, this Dr. had to test all boys for a "rupture." To do this, he had all boys remove all clothing and briefs and stand in a long line. Then he inserted his finger under the scrotum and told us to caugh. What I believe to have been the top administrator of the camp and one other person were watching as all the boys went by for "testing". The Dr. was a young guy and may have been an intern. This procedure was obviously unnecessary and hence perverted. He was the guy I told when the severe molestation of me started by another guy. If the Dr. had acted properly he could have saved me from a horrible and very damaging experience. (pufferfish story part 5 - don't read it) I think this would make him legally culpable.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


Top
#311151 - 11/20/09 01:10 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: pufferfish]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 193
I think part of what makes these situations so difficult is identifying 'intent' A Dr. can always use the justification of a necessary exam...and without knowing whats going on in the Dr.s head we can't tell if it was 'abusive' or 'medically necessary'. And even if it is medically necessary the Dr. could still have 'intent' but it may not feel as bad to the kid. So it is all very confusing.

Thanks all for the responses, so far, it seems as though I am a lot less alone than I thought.

Logan,
Thanks for sharing something so difficult...I also hope it helps others AND you as well. The sad part is... what if she meant well? Maybe she was trying to uncover 'CSA' I agree it is misguided to traumatize a child to identify trauma. Nowadays (at special centers some police departments use) when a child is examined after CSA they do a physical exam...but there is A LOT of explanation as to what is going to be done and why. Sorry, I don't mean to justify what was done...it is very sad and painful.
Just me

_________________________
My Story

Top
#311162 - 11/20/09 02:36 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: Logan]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1552
Loc: New Jersey
No, I don't remember any touching of my private area during a sick visit.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


Top
#311183 - 11/20/09 05:18 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: just me
When you were a child (age 8-18) did a medical Doctor ever check private areas during a 'sick visit'?


No.

_________________________
Jeff

Top
#311186 - 11/20/09 06:05 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: westchesterguy]
Dusty Boy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/08
Posts: 280
Loc: Australia
When I was a small child somewhere before 6 years old I had a penis problem and had to have surgery at the children's hospital, other than that my family Dr never inspected my genitals.

Back in the 50's the school Dr gave all 11yo children a physical, he did it matter in a of fact way and we all knew that he was going to give the hernia cough test. We all were worried that we may get an erection and find that embarrassing. None of us felt abused as we knew that this would happen and he did do it so professionally.

I think if it seemed like it was part of a routine visit then that was not normal and I would call it abuse.

Dusty


Top
#311189 - 11/20/09 06:44 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: Dusty Boy]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
When I was five I got my penis stuck in my zipper and had to go to the emergency ward to have it "released". I have a vague recollection of a nurse or doctor injecting freezing into it prior to the procedure. While the experience was traumatic it wasn't abusive. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


Top
#322997 - 02/22/10 05:05 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: jls]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 193
Since there are many new here (and so few answered before) I just wanted to try and bump this thread.

Thanks...please see the first post above.

_________________________
My Story

Top
#322998 - 02/22/10 05:15 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
kidneythis Offline


Registered: 11/08/09
Posts: 1558
Yes ish.

I had hernia check where they tuck a finger up into the skin just above the scrotum. "turn your head and cough"

I think a couple guys checked my gonads. I can't say my feeling off was related as I had been abused so young everything felt off to me then. It took a long time to realize most of those off feelings were unattached feelings related to the abuse, in fact that is the first time I thought of it and said that about it. Huh! thanks

Oh yea I forgot to mention that they ahd an interest in seeing how my penis was doing since the damage was so bad with the tournequet. That stopped after foster care started. I remember most doctors didn't want to go near me with my pants off.
Hope this helped.



Edited by kidneythis (02/22/10 05:30 PM)
_________________________
As Mark Twain once quipped, history may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

Top
#323008 - 02/22/10 07:00 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
TheBobcatAgain Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/13/10
Posts: 506
Loc: AZ, U.S.A.
Hey, just me.

I can't say that I recall all of my visits to my doctor, but I think my answer is, "No. He did not look at my privates." I was ages 8-18 in the years 1980-1990, if that helps.

Good luck finding your answers!

Your friend,

Bobcat

_________________________
You don't have to be perfect to be wonderful.

Top
#323038 - 02/22/10 11:42 PM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: just me]
tony1990 Offline


Registered: 02/22/10
Posts: 11
A regular doctor should not worry about your private area if your ailment has nothing to do with it at all. I met a doctor who had sex with me three times when I was like fifteen years old, I think fifteen, and he boasted about his fondling of what he called "sexy boys" patients in a non-threating way. As he told me about the different boys and the smell of their private region on his hand afterwards he was masterubating to the thought. I think maybe this doctor you saw was sick like him. He specifically told me that he made sure to "examine" it for the smell and memory. It seems like a violation to me that was done to you.

Just Me

I hope that helps you nothing I share on here is easy for me.


Top
#323051 - 02/23/10 12:36 AM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: TheBobcatAgain]
nomansanisland Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/09
Posts: 156
Loc: NM
I am going to have to say yes. I was a AF brat, Drs come and Go in the Af, tours begin and end in 12-26 months. So I had alot of Drs examine me when i was sick. Seems to me now that that was protocol.I hated it. It was hugely embarassing and a violation of my own personal space. Good wishes on your quest. Patrick

_________________________
" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drum. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." Henry David Thoreau

Top
#323074 - 02/23/10 08:40 AM Re: Was I abused? PART 2 - You can help [Re: nomansanisland]
just me Offline


Registered: 05/27/09
Posts: 193
((((Tony19990))))
Thanks

_________________________
My Story

Top
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.