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#310628 - 11/16/09 02:21 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: M3]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
Wow...I'm a bit overwhelmed with the response.

I see my long time therapist today, and it is my intention to talk about what I need to talk about, and if he's not able to continue on this leg of the journey, I'll find another.

I feel I've made great progress over the years, but every so often a new sticking point emerges. This is that sticking point.

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

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#310733 - 11/17/09 04:28 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: Rabbit]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
Here's an update:

I spoke directly with my therapist yesterday about the possibility that I've got sexuality and intimacy fused into one. I crave intimacy, and I confuse it for sex. Add in a healthy dose of your basic survivor's "I don't trust anyone not to hurt me," and you've got the recipe for my current state.

I have to give my therapist, Jim, props for getting on board. He said, "I may have avoided talking about sex with you before, but are you willing to give me a chance to grow with you?" And the discussion was on. For the first time in several weeks, I could feel the raw edge of actual pyschological work. Hooray.

Are my problems behind me? Hell, no. But at least I know I'm on the path to greater understanding. I've acted unconsciously so much of my life that understanding and acceptance are signs of growth.

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

Top
#310758 - 11/17/09 08:41 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: Rabbit]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 844
Loc: Northeast, USA
Rabbit,

I think you have an even better understanding now of why you engaged in MB and sedation before becoming sexually intimate. Fusing sexuality with intimacy and struggling with trusting others would definitely account for that.

I'm glad that your therapist is on board with regard to you talking about what you want to talk about with him. That I can tell has opened up the discussion to give you more freedom to talk about things that are relevant to your recovery. Great news on that for sure.

Good luck with everthing,

Rocco

_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#310760 - 11/17/09 09:08 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: Casmir213]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 818
Loc: Ohio
Truly your recovery is a journey. You can never really tell where you are going. I was last in therapy for MB issues and the fact that I was having gay fantasy . I expected to cure the MB addiction and the fantasy(I know those would not be goals for many, but they were my goals). What I ended up with was accepting the fact I was attracted to males but I was also attracted to females. I also accepted the fact that for whatever reason, the MB was not going to stop. I grew to be able to comfortably be married to a woman and have been for 17 years (not without ANY conflict, but this is real life). I am happy on the path I am on. Others find different paths. I have recently taken some new turns in recovering memories of abuse that was always suspected. Fortunately I was very honest about my past, habits and attractions with my wife. At that time she had to grow to be able to accept me for who I was. She was able to help me in dealing with my recovered memories after some very tense moments. Hopefully your therapist has wisdom and can grow to help guide you.



Edited by catfish86 (11/17/09 09:12 PM)
_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

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#310764 - 11/17/09 09:22 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: catfish86]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
bravo catfish. thanks for sharing that witness. your message resonates: it's OK to be a sexual person.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#310812 - 11/18/09 07:23 AM Re: Sex addiction [Re: Sans Logos]
catfish86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/27/09
Posts: 818
Loc: Ohio
Thanks Ron,

You know, a lot of people do forget that it was God who created the orgasm. Sexuality in and of itself is not a sin.

_________________________
God grant me
The Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The Courage to change the things I can,
And the Wisdom to know the difference.

Top
#310867 - 11/18/09 05:32 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: catfish86]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
Thanks for the replies, men.

I've got a healthy appreciation for sexual expression, AND an internal FUNdamentalist critic who likes to scream 'Whore!' like the Housewives of New Jersey.

I think if I had help back in my twenties, I would have landed squarely in the no man's land of bisexuality. But, that's a long time ago and I believe that road has been closed due to neglect.

As part of my process, I'm drawing a road map to my psyche, or trying to. Sometimes, I hold the pen in my hand and cry. Other times, I draw fortresses of isolation and moats of substance abuse.

Having a partner who is willing to travel this journey with us is very empowering. Two years ago, I thought I had that but I was mistaken.

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

Top
#310871 - 11/18/09 06:16 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: catfish86]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Originally Posted By: catfish86


You know, a lot of people do forget that it was God who created the orgasm. Sexuality in and of itself is not a sin.


NOT all have the same focus about GOD the creator. And this message can be shaming in itself depending on ones upbringing.

It is nice to know your opinion.

Rabbit - I am glad you posted this thread.

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#310885 - 11/18/09 07:15 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: Rabbit]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Rabbit
...Having a partner who is willing to travel this journey with us is very empowering....


Of course. The real question, in my opinion, do these partners exist or is it a fantasy that we've created? My straw count shows anyone in a relationship says "they exist" and single folks say "it is a fantasy." lol.

_________________________
Jeff

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#310989 - 11/19/09 03:20 PM Re: Sex addiction [Re: westchesterguy]
Rabbit Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/07/05
Posts: 91
Loc: San Francisco
Well, I'm single and I say, "He exists."

Why?

Cause I'm single, and I exist. I have the potential to be a wonderful partner, lover, husband. I've been that man in the past, and I'll be that man again. (It just won't be with a man 20 years my junior or a man who is a sometimes sex worker.)

Fantasy gets in the way when I think I can make him into HIM. Know what I mean?

_________________________
Your love should never be offered to the mouth of a stranger

Only to someone who has the valor and daring to cut pieces of their soul off with a knife then weave them into a blanket to protect you

There are different wells within us, some fill with each good rain

Others are far, far too deep for that

Top
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