Okay I finally did it! Just over 24 hours ago I went to see a counselor and told another human being face to face some of what happened to me as a child. He didn't laugh or cry or run or any of the things I feared. At one point he just let out a deep sigh and said, "Jesus Christ you've got alot of shit to deal with each day don't you?" Well that was like the understatement of the day! lol
So after our 45 min appointment that actually last nearly 2 hours he diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I don't know anything about it. Does anyone else have that diagnosis? Where can I find info about it? I have not even tried to search for it because I don't feel like wading through thousands of web sites to find one that makes sense for me as a survivor, I am hoping someone can save me from that trouble.
I also had a nightmare last night in which he, the counselor was abusing me...is that normal? It was very scarry and I don't know if I should tell him about it next time or just blow it off or what... I didn't feel threatened by him or anything while I was there but now I have this dream to deal with... arrggghhhh does it ever get any easier??????
Well thanks for reading this and any help or advice would certainly be welcomed!!!
Ron

I've been diagnosed with PTSD by my therapist. Here is an article on WebMD on it:
WebMD PTSD article
I've just glanced over it. There are some things not listed there as causes - rape is one of them.
There is a specific treatment called EMDR to treat PTSD. Its specifically to help people process the memories (for if you're stuck in them).

As for the dream, I had one similar - though my therapist is female and in my dream she appeared as a male. Very strange dream.
If you ever feel ready to, speak to your therapist. Its probably about trust, specifically you putting your trust in him.

I love this statement you made! because I felt the same way the first time I went to see a therapist... I was scared to death and my therapist at the time didn't run or laugh at me or tell me to go away. It was a major thing for me. And they made a similar statement to what you said because I have been through so much in my life. Sounds like you found someone that is "real" and "understands".

As far as the dream, it may just be your mind's way of trying to protect yourself a little until the trust is built up (like someone else said). I really don't think dreams always depict literal events that may or will occur. Sometimes I think they just are there to help us along or to show something that is hard for us to see, or maybe that which we need.

You took the first step, and it was a positive one.... that is so kewl..... that is so good! I'm glad you found the courage to do this.

Don

Ron
The first visit is scary stuff thats for sure, but give it a chance and hopefully a good, trusting relationship will develop.
My PTSD still gives me totally unanounced panic attacks, and as yet I haven't finalised the full list of triggers. But it's a complicated thing that affects us in different ways and seems to improve as we move from victim to survivor, it did for me anyway.
And as for nightmares, who knows what they mean ? But I know where mine come from, those bastards that abused me. Just one of the many fun things I now have to deal with.
And this site is a great help, there's good people here. You will not be alone here Ron.
Lloydy

I've learned not to worry about what the diagnosis is. I make much better progress when I Keep It Simple. PTSD is just short hand for a de>

I've got a mirror by the bed !! But it's old and distorted and I look like Lurch when I get up, but you're right- don't look back. The reasons aren't that important, although to understand the process helps immensly. But I try not to get hung up on "why"
Stay with us, I've found trust here, and humour, support and other folk to listen to my ranting.
Lloydy

JERUNAMUCK....LLOYDY IS RIGHT. FIND A THERAPIST AND JOIN A GROUP. IF YOU DON'T LIKE THAT ONE, FIND ANOTHER. WELCOME TO THIS SITE. IT IS REALLY GREAT TO HAVE GUYS TO TALK WITH. YOU WILL FIND MOST VERY KNOWLEGABLE, SOME LIKE ME ARE AFRAID TO SAY TOO MUCH, I GUESS THAT STEMS FROM BEING CRUSHEDUP AND GROUND INTO THE GROUND SO MANY TIMES WHEN I GIVE MY OPINION...GOOD LUCK, SLEEP WELL TONIGHT.....SCOT