I have been consumed by thinking about my abuse lately. Maybe because I'm a newbie to recovery I don't know. I'm not sure if it is a healthy thing or not but there is something comforting in calling what happened to me as a kid for what it is, abuse I mean. At the same time I want to move forward yet I have no idea what that would look like. Can other members here who are further along describe this for me, moving forward I mean? Also, is it normal for someone new to recovery to be so fixated on what happened to them in their past? If it is then great. To hear that would be re-assuring. At the same time it would be nice to hear that this isn't where I'm going to be for the rest of my life. Thanks for listening. JS

hi jls,

yes it is normal for it to occupy a lot of headspace. and that won't change for a while, but you can manage it, even though not totally eliminate it. it comes with the territory.

i have found that journaling regularly helps purge the thoughts and feelings.

unfortunately, you can't undo the events of sexual abuse. all you can do is learn to accept it, and deal with it on a day to day basis, like any other dis-ease.

sharing time in chat with other survivors, posting on the discussion board, finding a therapist, joining a healing circle, reading male survivor recovery books, and building a support system both within and outside MS will help you manage the collateral pain.

and don't forget you're not alone.

all the best,

ron

Hi, JLS.

I agree with Ron.

I have been going through what I think is the most major event from my csa this summer.

I would add that grieving is apart as well as great self care or as best as possible.

Your body with feel some feelings you maybe NOT be comfortable with.

I took charge of my thoughts and feelings about the csa and made the event more positive.

Your not alone and thought about.

You will get through this.

Peace,
DJ

It can be very consuming. I recently recovered memories and I hoped they would go away. I hoped that I was planting something but I wasn't. I tried to keep it in my head and my wife thought I was losing it. Then I told her and found a friend. It takes time.

Hi JLS,

You asked "Can other members here who are further along describe this for me, moving forward I mean?" and "is it normal for someone new to recovery to be so fixated on what happened to them in their past?"

For me I started my Journey 30 years ago I knew that what I was experiencing was not normal behavior, I felt false and a fraud. I started in personal Growth groups and learned some skills that would help me when in 1992 the penny dropped and the real problem was CSA. I became obsessed and fixated with my issues and the dreams increased I became OCD, dissociated and diagnosed with PTSD. I had skills that I had learned to help in social situations however the thought of full time employment sent me into the depths of hell. Fortunately I receive a disability pension not enough to live but with a bit of part time work I survived. It took a while for the obsession to deteriorate and I had to use coping strategies.
Last year I finally realised who the main abuser was and after processing that I now feel optimistic re my future.
Over the years the fixation has diminished, I still have moments that I regress, when I do I am able to process whats happening, what the trigger was and not give myself grief.
When I joined MS it was life saving and empowering to talk about what is happening and not have to think will they understand is the biggest help I have had up to date.
Dusty

JLS:

There will come a time, after you have successfully dealt with your shame and guilt, grown through the grieving process, moved beyond the sadness of lost opportunity, come to accept what happened and forgiven at least yourself, that you will eventually learn better more positive coping skills and begin to feel a lot better about yourself. At that point I will encourage you to begin to take some chances, because any successes will build your self-esteem and self-confidence, which will then enable you to take greater risks and reap greater rewards. There will be little setbacks from time to time, but they won't bother you nearly as much as they once would have. You just keep on that path of taking greater chances, exploring things that you had once never thought possible, building your self-esteem and self-confidence with each victory, and at some point you will gradually focus less and less on recovery from your past, and more and more on what is possible without your past or its previous limitations. Pretty soon you will go long periods of time without even thinking of your past or worrying whether you are "good enough", and it will be an amazing experience for you as it was for me to go beyond recovery and enjoy complete freedom.

You will eventually get to the point where you are quite confident about yourself and your future and haven't thought about your past for a long time and with each passing day at that point you are becoming more free, learning to live without limitations, moving further with more confidence than you had ever thought possible. At that point, you will be free!!!

Yes, you can get there too,

Mark