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#30918 - 03/20/05 11:36 PM Acting out
Charlie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 148
I'm confused. I've been "accused" of acting out in my life but I don't understand what it means. I've asked 2-3 guys in chat but I still don't get it. What is the definition of "acting out" as it's used on this discussion board? Does it mean different things to different people? Is there more than one definition used on here? Maybe someone can explain it to me 'cause I'd really like to know. Thanks.


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#30919 - 03/20/05 11:40 PM Re: Acting out
bda Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/18/04
Posts: 26
Loc: North Carolina
Charlie,

I think acting out is a term that means different things for different folks. I generally think about acting out as those behaviors I have engaged in that had the effect of making me feel numb rather than making me feel whole. Lots of folks talk about sexually acting out, usually refering to high risk behaviors and sometimes replicating acts we expereinced in the abuse.

I imagine lots of other folks have different ideas about acting out, but there's a start.

Peace,
Brian

_________________________
Unbind him, and let him go.

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#30920 - 03/21/05 12:35 AM Re: Acting out
lostone Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/09/05
Posts: 14
You're in school right? If you're in school they mean talking back, failing tests, not turning in homework, getting into fights, stuff like that. If you're on a sports team, not following the coachs instructions, fighting with teamates...sorta the same thing. At home, I can't comment on cos I don't know a whole lot about your home situation, maybe the same thing applies. Hope this helps.


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#30921 - 03/21/05 03:00 AM Re: Acting out
Mark R. Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/05
Posts: 28
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA
Charlie;

I think Brian has it right; for me acting out means acting out our abuse. For me it was inappropriate sexual behavior for my age.

Looking back, was I trying to turn something bad into something good? The abuse was bad, the physical feeling good. I was confused; if it was so bad, why was I having an erection and enjoying the feeling and wanting to experience that feeling again? I think of acting out as children working though their real life problems through play. If a little girl has parents that are fighting all the time then you will see the fighting acted out through her play with dolls. She will have a father and a mother fighting, reenacting the fighting she sees in the home. Since we were exposed to sexual abuse, we acted out the sexual conflict of an experience that our young minds could not handle. I was acting out the guilt that I didn't know how to handle.

_________________________
In others we find strength to face our monster, in helping others we can become the giant that defeats the monsters.

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#30922 - 03/21/05 10:43 PM Re: Acting out
Dude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 118
Loc: Fort Smith, AR
They tell me I "act out" all the time. When I bleach my hair, or give me a mohawk, or pierce my tounge, or tell people off; they say i'm acting out. Tim said acting out is behaving inapproprialy. I think he's an ass. but then what do I know. I'm only 15 for crist's sake and they treat me like i'm an adult. No respect for the young i guess. Later, Casper


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#30923 - 03/21/05 11:47 PM Re: Acting out
reality2k4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/06/04
Posts: 6838
Loc: Stuck between water, air, and ...
To me, acting out is a way of anger control/dispersal, like cutting and stuff when I was a kid.

My acting out was getting out of control, I have tried the gym, which does work, I keep fit by riding my bike and walking which is good.

I faced my acting out head on, because I was just downloading any porn I could find, and it did me no good, did not even watch most of it.

Now I have totally got rid of it all, because it was doing more damage than any good.

To anyone young to this, I would say that the situation you find yourself maybe impossible to fathom out, I have been down that road with nobody to explain to me about how to control my behaviour.

It led to bottling up emotions, something which you should never do, let them out here, we will understand, because we have been there.

You are never alone in discovering your fears, this place, is a place where I found some of the answers to the questions I always asked myself, and had nobody in the World to share, but here, you are never alone.

It is never an easy task, and I and many others in here will testify to that one. I have faced some of lifes' major tests because of SA, and have been totally immersed in the effects, but I have to accept that it happened.

This is something that family and friends can often overlook in how they treat you, as they can be in denial to the facts, and the outcome especially over the years, but do not deny yourself your memories, and face them.

Trigger Warning..........

When I was about 12yo, I often hid in the woods, totally nude, acting out, I did not want to be clothed, as he had stripped me of all of my clothes, so I just acted out the fantasy of being raped in the woods bound to a tree.

I was totally humiliated as a young boy, and stripped of my dignity to function as a normal young boy, but I fought it, and always will.

No, it really is not what I wanted, I jsut wanted to be understood in life, and not ostracised by family etc., but when so many emotions are disturbed through SA, it is difficult to have normal social skills.

Acting out/ or in, is a release from inner pain, and anguish that SA, brings upon us, it will never be explained to many people, who do not have to tread this road to recovery.

It is important to not hurt yourself, for hurt, done by somebody else, it is their guilt, and not your own, and even if you find yourself in a seemingly impossible position, you can find your way out.

If there is any one thing to remember in life, it is this; IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT, AND YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE TO SHOULDER THE BURDEN THAT AN ABUSER PUTS ON YOU, NOR SHOULD THE SITUATION CONTINUE.

Every child has a right to a peaceful nurturing existence, to some of us it can never be, but we can get through, but only if we are strong, that we are to get this far in life.

The conclusion to all this, is that you have to have been so strong in your life, and that you have the will to get there,

That is maybe how I feel on the subject,

ste

_________________________
Whoever stole the Sun, put it back and we'll drop all the charges!

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#30924 - 03/22/05 12:51 AM Re: Acting out
xenoman Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/11/05
Posts: 18
Loc: Montana
Acting out was part of it. I married a woman that was damaged at birth. Through out our years of marriage of 30 years we enjoyed our relations best we could. Sometimes I would catch myself thinking of having sex with another male. After spending the year away from her in two horrible gay relationships I have not wanted anymore. But, I find myself fantasizing about have one from time to time. Now it is almost impossible for us to have sex because of her afflictions.
At these times I find my self fantasizing again
and usually find release in self gratification.
Has anyone had to deal with anything like this?


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