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#30843 - 06/25/04 01:34 PM Respite from the rage...
survive75 Offline
Member

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 304
Loc: Massachusetts
Hey all... haven't been here for a while... struggling something fierce with some of my demons. I've been really angry lately - real rage - at everything. My co-workers, my abuser, my extended family, my ex-girlfriend, society as a whole... you know, the all-consuming fire that ends up destroying nothing except yourself. Then yesterday, it was like something shifted. It was like I let go... stopped focusing on what I couldn't control in others, and what I could do to forward myself.

As usually happens after a shift, I saw the immediate results of the respite from the rage. Last night I was talking to an acquaintence... I wouldn't really call him a friend. We were just talking about nothing really and the subject of spanking came up. He made light of the fact that he was hit as a kid, much like I did about my abuse (physical and sexual) when I first came here. The whole "not a big deal" thing. From what he described, no one could call it "abuse." But there was something under the defensiveness... I know it well. I just sort of said that I didn't think any reason to hit a kid was warranted, and that whether he agreed with me or not, I thought I needed to say that no one should have hit him. It totally floored him... much like the first time someone told me that what happened to me was in fact "a very big deal." (Thanks Mike Church.) I've never disclosed anything to him, so it's not like there was prior knowledge. I didn't disclose anything last night. It was just this... trust. It was really cool.

Just wanted to talk about it I guess. Hope everyone is well.

_________________________
-Sean

"Even though I know/I don’t want to know/Yeah I guess I know/I just hate how it sounds"

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#30844 - 06/25/04 02:39 PM Re: Respite from the rage...
phoster Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/21/03
Posts: 758
Loc: ohio
glad you found a little relief. it's hard walking around angry all the time.

_________________________
compassion is a light even to the darkest soul

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#30845 - 06/25/04 03:06 PM Re: Respite from the rage...
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2260
Loc: Maryland USA
Sean,

That sounds like a really neat experience. I like how you phrased it
Quote:
...whether he agreed with me or not, I thought I needed to say...
You said what you needed to say, and it turned out good.

Not sure what it is about that, but it's a real nice thing to see here today.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#30846 - 06/25/04 06:24 PM Re: Respite from the rage...
theo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/28/03
Posts: 1117
sean,
glad to hear you are doing somewhat better. the rage bug seems to be going around quite a bit lately \:\) . it is amazing what a single sentence can do for a person when it is the right time for it! take care, sean.

_________________________
journey well,
theo dewolfe

- It is gift, and gift will find its way
- I inherit through my choice. I build through my affirmation. It is through my freedom that I nurture, or fade into autonomy
- I was not given to serve life, but to embrace it

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#30847 - 06/25/04 07:03 PM Re: Respite from the rage...
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Sean
that says a whole lot about your self-confidence and feelings of self respect.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#30848 - 06/26/04 09:21 AM Re: Respite from the rage...
Leosha Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I am glad that you are feeling better. And I am sure that you helped your friend some. Just for another person to HEAR and LISTEN to what one says, and to understand some, that is big thing. I am glad you are feeling the good in yourself right now.

leosha

_________________________
Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

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