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#308248 - 10/26/09 10:24 PM Re: At rock bottom [Re: nevragan]
emmy Offline


Registered: 10/26/09
Posts: 9
Angelx,
Good luck with everything and talking to your husband. Me and my husband have been working through issues for years. We have been married for 9 years. Our rock bottom experience was about 4 years ago. Counseling has been helpful to have someone help keep communication open between us who is not emotionally attached or involved. I needed counseling to help me deal with everything. I have only known that my husband was sexually abused (when he was a child) for about 1 year and that he has been dealing with SSA. I have only known about the SSA issue for probably 1 month. Anyways, sometimes the anger and issues surface and we try our best to deal with it as we can. The hardest part is to keep communication open. We are both still trying hard to maintain our relationship. Good luck, emmy.


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#308310 - 10/27/09 11:54 AM Re: At rock bottom [Re: emmy]
Angelx Offline


Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 32
Loc: UK
I spoke to him last night about going to see the doctor and he just flipped. So I gave him a choice, either agree to see a doctor or move out! He was adamant he would never speak to anyone about it and hated me for putting pressure on him. Said he needed to go when he felt ready and for himself not me. I can understand the need he feels to take control of his own recovery and did not want to take that away from him. So I went to bed in complete dispair. Then, this morning, he text me from work admitting he needed help and asking me to book him a doctors appointment. I feel that he has now made a step in the right direction and I can see a small glimmer of hope again. Fingers crossed for Friday x


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#308328 - 10/27/09 02:07 PM Re: At rock bottom [Re: Angelx]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Angelx.

My thought are with both of you. And my fingers are crossed.

I am happy to hear you being firm and taking care of yourself.

Let us know how this goes, ok. Take your time.

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#308355 - 10/27/09 06:29 PM Re: At rock bottom [Re: DJsport]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Good luck dear, that is a huge step forward. There will be forward steps and then steps back. Keep your head up and keep moving forward and take care of yourself. Proud of you.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#308367 - 10/27/09 08:12 PM Re: At rock bottom [Re: dangal]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16265
Awesome news, Angel! Make that appointment and don't let him side slip it either. Not saying he will, but I know how we guys can be on this stuff.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#308401 - 10/28/09 02:30 AM Re: At rock bottom [Re: WalkingSouth]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 861
Loc: washington
Angelx,

We couldn't have hoped for better news...!!!


What's Up / What's Going On (4 Non-Blondes)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#308414 - 10/28/09 08:18 AM Re: At rock bottom [Re: 1islandboy]
Angelx Offline


Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 32
Loc: UK
Can you believe it, can't get an appointment at docs until next Monday! Not sure he can hold on that long, he has been in tears on phone this morning begging for help. Gonna ring surgery first thing in morning and actually speak to a doctor. Friday is only day he can guarantee finishing work early so limited as to when he can go and can't risk losing his job as its the only thing keeping him going at the moment. If push comes to shove will just have to call emergency doctor out. Thought I had overcome hardest bit by getting him to agree to go!!


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#308464 - 10/28/09 06:25 PM Re: At rock bottom [Re: Angelx]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1962
Hi Angelx,

If you need to get him in Friday, do what you have to do to get him in. It sounds like he has reached a point where he is ready to deal with this stuff, which is very good news. Once he feels safe and is able to talk about what is going on for him he can start moving things in a more healing direction. If it helps, you can let him know he is not alone. This site has 7000+ members and that only scratches the surface. He is very much not alone in this, and there are others that understand what it is like. He is lucky to have you as support and I hope it goes well. It really helps to talk about it, at least that is my opinion and the opinion of many.

Eric


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#308512 - 10/29/09 09:55 AM Re: At rock bottom [Re: ericc]
Angelx Offline


Registered: 10/18/09
Posts: 32
Loc: UK
Thanks Eric. Good news, he has managed to book a day off tomorrow so I just need to ring doctor first thing in the morning and she will squeeze him in. At the moment he is only prepared to talk about the depression he feels now and get treatment for that. Hopefully then he will gain the strength needed to start tackling the SA. One step at a time. x


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#308569 - 10/29/09 09:43 PM Re: At rock bottom [Re: Angelx]
givemestrength Offline


Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 26
Angel...I think you have been incredibly brave thus far...

Although it is hard to hear he really does need to be ready to talk in his own time but I'd like to echo the sentiments of others that this can not be at the expense of your own safety and wellbeing...(this is something I have been learning myself...very slowly)

Whilst it may seem like a small step to you getting treatment for depression may be a massive step for him.

You sound like you've had incredible patience and understanding this far. You are both incredibly resilient for coping with and handling these hard issues.

Keep us posted on how the doc visit goes. You may not realise but simply by helping him with this part of his experience shows him that you are taking what he is going through seriously and that you are there for him and trying to understand...who knows it may even help him continue to share himself with you.

I'm sorry for the anger and frustration he has put on you. You do not deserve that.

Like you said one step at a time....then another...then another...


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