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#307466 - 10/21/09 01:40 PM tom petty
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1240
Loc: NY
I am feeling freaked about the up coming WoR. I think thats pretty normal, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I was just in my car and this came on the radio and it was soothing and seemed to fit exactly how I am feeling right now...

My favorite Lyrics are "You don't know how it feels to be me" and I woke up in between, a memory and a dream"

Tom Petty "you don't know how it feels (to be me)"

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x27v1o_tom-petty-you-dont-know-how-it-feel_music

Lyrics:
Let me run with you tonight
Ill take you on a moonlight ride
Theres someone I used to see
But she dont give a damn for me

But let me get to the point, lets roll another joint
And turn the radio loud, Im too alone to be proud
You dont know how it feels
You dont know how it feels to be me

People come, people go
Some grow young, some grow cold
I woke up in between
A memory and a dream

So lets get to the point, lets roll another joint
Lets head on down the road
Theres somewhere I gotta go
And you dont know how it feels
You dont know how it feels to be me

My old man was born to rock
Hes still tryin to beat the clock
Think of me what you will
I got a little space to fill

So lets get to the point, lets roll another joint
Lets head on down the road
Theres somewhere I gotta go
And you dont know how it feels
No, you dont know how it feels to be me

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#307475 - 10/21/09 02:44 PM Re: tom petty [Re: Logan]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Im too alone to be proud
You dont know how it feels
You dont know how it feels to be me

Theres somewhere I gotta go
And you dont know how it feels
No, you dont know how it feels to be me

I've been wondering how you are doin' Logan. I know the anxiety prior to my first WoR. It made me excited and terrified in all of about 3 milliseconds.

Never in my life, apart from work, had I ever met another survivor. Someone like me. Someone who had this past that set him apart from everyone else. I had only been on here a couple of months, and the idea that there were other men like me, with similar pasts, well, I got that part. But in the flesh, face to face with men just like me? Jaysus! It still sends a chill up my spine that I could, for the first time in my life since the abuse, feel like I fit in with everyone else. I could be me, free, to be just me. No disbelief, no judgements, no hidden snickers about sexual orientation. Just me.

Imagine being in a room with about 20 other guys, all just like you. Sure the stories of how they got there are all different. But in those differences are many similarities of the aftermath.

You are not alone withthese feelings Logan. Not alone at all. I'd wager that every other first timer is going through the same feelings right now.

Have faith. You'll get through this. I hope, without any regrets. I'll be thinking of you!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#307477 - 10/21/09 03:23 PM Re: tom petty [Re: Geeders]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1240
Loc: NY
thank you so, so very much Jim.

Thank you for the kind words and hopes.

Right now I am doing my finale packing.

I am feeling so anxious that I am feeling dizzy and physically ill/nauseous, but that happens when I feel very anxious.

I am also excited to actually meet other like me, like you said, but that is being dampened down by the tremendous fear that I am feeling. I have spoke with Rob, Hawkings over the phone and he has assured me that what I am feeling and going through (second thoughts), is perfectly normal and typical, and I know that it fits in with my PTSD.

I am afraid to get my expectations up too high in that I am praying for a judgement free atmosphere but at the same time greatly fear that I will be rejected for what ever reason.

I am trying to keep it together; lots of grounding techniques being employed!

again thank you and I will be sure t let you know how it went.

sincerely,
Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#307478 - 10/21/09 03:34 PM Re: tom petty [Re: Logan]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
(((Logan)))!!!!

And if you can in the day or two following, don't work if you can help it. Take it easy on yourself. You're both worth it, and gonna need it!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

Top
#307481 - 10/21/09 03:50 PM Re: tom petty [Re: Geeders]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1240
Loc: NY
Thanks for the heads up!

But, may i ask Why will I "need it?"

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

Top
#307517 - 10/21/09 08:08 PM Re: tom petty [Re: Logan]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
WOR is very, very much an emotional high, that like life has an emotional down. The down will probably start on Sunday as you realize that its all going to end. To suddenly have that level of brotherhood, something that you have never had before is fantastic. To lose it almost as soon as you become comfortable with it is equally sad. The days following can have both ups and downs as you continue to process both that which you have experienced, and that which you have learned. It takes time.

If, in the days that follow you afford to be easy on yourself, I suggest that you do so. As I said before, you are worth it.

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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