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#307196 - 10/19/09 10:16 PM How do you let the past go?
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 425
Loc: Louisiana
Ive tried letting go I went to a rehab and let go of my past in the desert but it doesnt work, I just cant get over it, and all of the bullying that I went through in high school and the military I get really angry I cant function anymore I get extremely angry idk what to do.


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#307255 - 10/20/09 04:41 AM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: sportinrucks]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
For the longest time I couldn't figure out how to let anything go. I asked people how. Counselors, disability advocates, they all said "just get over it. Let it go." And I never could figure it out. All they would say is "you just do". Which is a lie. You just don't.

Letting it go is very hard, but one of the biggest parts of letting it go is realizing that there is nothing you can do about it. It's past. It's over with. It only persists in your mind. Yeah, it happened and yeah it hurt. Yeah the damage is there, but YOU can decide if it's going to bother you.

I know Sport, that doesn't help you any. You're likely to be angry now yelling "how dare you! I don't want it to bother me! How can you tell me that I'm letting it? You bastard! You don't understand!" I know that because I have been there.

You see, no one was willing to tell me how THEY got past it. Now something to understand here is that you will have a long hard battle to completely get over it. Whatever "it" is. But the biggest part is just starting.

I learned this recently, and I keep learning it. I'll tell you how I do it, but it's your call if you do it that way. After all what works for me may not work for you.

I pray. I pray to God and I beg Him and His Son Jesus for help. "Please, I beg you Father, I beg you Jesus, help me stop these flashbacks. Help me get past this. Help me stop hitting myself.

And you know something? It works. THAT told me there is a God after all. I tried to tell myself this, praying to myself as if there was no god. One of my counselors laughed at me thinking there was a god, and he suggested it. Pray to yourself. Make yourself your own god in your own mind. And you know something? It just plain failed terribly. And until recently when I started praying to God for help, nothing would stop it.

Now I pray, and I find out so well when I forget to ask for His help. The flashbacks are still there, but with prayer they are far less damaging. I don't hit myself anymore. I just gotta keep praying.

I realize that you may not be a Christian. If you aren't that's just fine. I understand. Pick a god, pick a religion, and PRAY. Having a power higher than yourself helps. And when you ask your higher power, in my case Jesus, to take on these burdens, to relieve you of their torment, it may not happen over night, but it happens. You just gotta keep praying.

That works for me, Sport. IMO, if you pray to God, and beg fopr His help, He'll help. But it's gotta be everyday. IMO.

I hope this doesn't offend you if you;'re not religious.


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#307342 - 10/20/09 06:20 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: LilacLouie]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
EMDR helped me with PTSD and flashbacks more than any other single treatment. The general counseling and treatments for DID set me up for the EMDR treatments.

I believe in prayer too.

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#307404 - 10/21/09 12:07 AM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: pufferfish]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1977
Sport,

I don't have an easy answer for you here, but I think it takes time. As best you can, try and make your life as it exists today the best you can make it. It takes time and is a struggle but is worth it. For myself when I can make "today" good enough I don't think as much about the past. Certainly I still slip into those "moods" or "places" or what have you where I get stuck in the trauma. And I am certain that cycle will continue to happen in some fashion or another for some time. But I know it will pass and I can get back into the present. Sometimes it seems like it never ends, but seriously it can get better. I as well pray at times, though sometimes I don't. But I do find some peace in it when I do.

Eric


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#307482 - 10/21/09 03:57 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: ericc]
Trucker51 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/20/08
Posts: 2826
Loc: Denver, CO
Like I have said so many times. First we have to deal with our anger and sadness, shame and guilt, then learn better self esteem and better, more-positive coping skills. Once we are learning better self-esteem and learning to value and take care of ourselves better, we learn how to take chances in life, small at first, less-fearful of and less-affected by failure. We then build on our successes, which will get us to feel better about ourselves and will instill more self-confidence, which will encourage us to take even greater chances seeking more success.

I don't see how a rehab program of a month's duration could have substantial immediate benefits, though it could begin to deal with a number of issues and send someone in the right direction, a direction which would require more work to stay successful. If your shame wasn't completely dealt with during this rehab, and you didn't learn better coping skills, any letdown following rehab would have had a much greater chance of dragging you back down. You also sound like you could use some social-type rehab too, to get over all of the bullying and loss of trust from your earlier experiences too. But there is some hope as you have made some good progress already in your recovery.

Hope that this helps you understand the path to letting-go of our past a little bit better. Once we feel better and more confident about ourselves it is much easier to overlook or let-go of the limitations of our past. Getting to the point of letting-go of our past is like building a roof on a house. First you build the foundation then the supporting walls before you build the roof. You have to take the necessary steps to get to the point where letting-go is the next step.

Mark

_________________________
"We stay here, we die here. We've got to keep moving". Trucker Mark



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#307675 - 10/22/09 11:32 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: Trucker51]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 425
Loc: Louisiana
im a part of the church idk about aa yet Im not really worried about that right now Im worried about getting into a univerity finding a career and staying out of the poor house.


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#307676 - 10/22/09 11:36 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: sportinrucks]
ericc Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/04/08
Posts: 1977
Do you have any particular areas of interest? Is there something in particular you would like to pursue or it that more up in the air? Maybe take the next couple/few months thinking about what you would like to do. You could set some small goals to work towards and see how that turns out. Get a couple small victories under your belt and in the process gain a better sense of what you are interested in. Just a thought. Keep reaching out.

Eric


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#307695 - 10/23/09 02:22 AM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: ericc]
sportinrucks Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/01/04
Posts: 425
Loc: Louisiana
i would be good at english but am thinking about going into counselling of some sort


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#307810 - 10/24/09 12:10 AM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: sportinrucks]
DannyT Offline
Member

Registered: 09/14/03
Posts: 402
For me the best help by far has been meditation. I wrote a couple intro posts on it a few years back. Here're the links it case they're useful.

Danny

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...2023#Post192023

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...5575#Post275575


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#307811 - 10/24/09 12:16 AM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: DannyT]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
I am letting go by being here and talking and seeing a T.

I feel and talk

I journal.

I scream.

I have fun.

I tell my story

I trust you and all who are safe.

Not tracking well tonight so my sentences are short and not well put together.





Edited by DJsport (10/24/09 12:18 AM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#307818 - 10/24/09 12:43 AM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: DJsport]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
I find that by seeing my T,talking some of how I feel with my wife who is on board with what I am going through, talking with a man from church who is also a survivor (many years ago,but he has some insight into how to handle what'sgoing on),and most of all I pray. Again, as a Christian I have Jesus as my Higher Power so to speak, but others find solace and a very present help in time of need elsewhere. Good for them. It all takes time - I have to rest in what my Higher Power will do for me in that moment. I only have today. Yesterday is gone and there is no promise of tomorrow. One day at a time. Sure it hurts. It hurts like hell.


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#307902 - 10/24/09 09:33 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: alan55]
takingflight Offline


Registered: 09/23/09
Posts: 32
let go of the past? Please let me know if you find an answer.


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#307905 - 10/24/09 10:43 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: takingflight]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
Letting go of the past for a MS survivor?

This is a multi-step process:

1. Spend time with your T. Talk about yourself. Talk out every little hurt and every big one. Share it with him.

2. If you have done wrong, make amends if possible.

3. Learn how to forgive yourself and others.

4. Watch movies which portray how you saw yourself as a kid and let that reframe your self concept. Forgive yourself.

5. Get special therapy for special problems: PTSD, DID, etc.

6. Turn it over to God

7. Become active in MS and write up your story here. Let other guys respond to your story.

8. Become active in the healing of other guys.

9. Read books on abuse and on any special problems you have.



Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#307908 - 10/24/09 11:32 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: pufferfish]
AndyS87 Offline


Registered: 12/12/08
Posts: 303
Loc: sorry, but I don't say on the ...
"everyone's got to face down their demons
maybe today
we can put the past away" - Third Eye Blind, Jumper.




It seems to me that letting go of the past is one of the most difficult things to do in this entire experience. I certainly have had a hard time letting mine go. When I do and I don't beat myself up, I become truly happy and able to function 100%. When I dwell, it gets worse. All I can do is soul searching to find what will allow me to release all that pain.


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#308027 - 10/25/09 05:31 PM Re: How do you let the past go? [Re: AndyS87]
mrd Offline


Registered: 04/01/09
Posts: 28
Hey Sport,

For me its taking my disability and making the best of it instead of letting it bring out the worst in me. I'm not trivializing CSA by any means. It has been most devastating to me, pitying myself brought anger, self contempt, and vile actions towards myself and others, just to name a few responses. Looking at what I had become helped me to see that even though what happened to me was vile, I had chosen to respond to it in a vile way too. Personally , I refused to let ugly make me ugly. It has been about who I am before, during, and after the abuse. I am God's child!!! No amount of evil can destroy the spirit of Love that lives in me, only I can quench it. Nothing is worth quenching the God in me, for that feels like death walking. So I, with the help of God because of Jesus work, everyday stand in the face of suffering from the effects of csa and I hone that energy into Love for everyone. If I don't love I become vile. Not only do I not like that, it's not who I was made to be. I very seldom see the results but a few times I've been told it makes a difference. To God be the glory. Like others have said walk the walk that works for you. This my brother has made the difference for mrd.

peace and love
mrd

_________________________
Ignorance is the most dangerous element in human society.

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