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#306754 - 10/16/09 08:49 PM Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story.
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2435
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Well I got back the other day from visiting a retired senior NCO friend of mine. He and i go back a long way. He was the best man at my wedding 36 years ago.

Ok, Pete, just what does this have to do with Dont Ask & Don't Tell?

While I was there, there was a demonstration by gay & lesbian's. It was there that president Obama, had made the pledge to review & maybe over turn the military's policy about gays serving in the military.

Well he told me in no certain terms, that it will not happen. Those "queers" & "faggots" will and should
never be alowed to serve their country.

Well, he was the first friend that i had told my SECRET to, just over a year ago. And from him i got compassion, understanding and love. (For being sexually abused as a young boy).

He has taken an interest in my recovery progress & failures.

He prays for me.

Now, I have had finally figured out that i probably was gay orientated for most of my life, buried just under the concious surface, until August a year ago. And I was going to tell him about me. But due to his strong felings about gay' & lesbians in the military, i decided not to.

But, we both agreed that more than likely, we have both served with them, we both ate with them, we both have slept in the same quarters with them. Served in a combat zone with them. And he never could tell "one" of "them" if he was standing right next to one. After all i was there. He has the notion that "one of them" would try and seduce him, and nothing could be further from the truth than that statement.

I'ts that catch all phrase in military justice.
Preduicial(sp) to good order and discipline. Unit cohesion.

So, i guess that i could say, that i have his LIMITED compassion & understanding.

I guess that he didn't see that picture of little Peter with that rainbow ribbon from that WOR in Alta.

It hurt me deeply, listning to his remarks about me and my gay brothers, but more hurtful is that "WE" are not considered worthy human beings.

After all he and i served together in Germany, Vietnam & Okinawa. Neither i, nor anybody else was ever a "threat" to him or others.

Maybe i have lost a "friend" just because of my sexual orientation.

Maybe, little Pete & big Pete, really didn't need that kind of a friend.

It is my personal opinion that the Don't Ask & Don't Tell policy be overturned..OFFICIALLY.

We, have been serving our country with distinction, ever since the Continental Army days.

Sorry for rambling.

Heal well my gay brothers, it's about compassion & understanding.

" I will take that lost boys hand, and i will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity".

Little Pete & big Pete..but 1 (Irishmoose).



Edited by petercorbett (10/16/09 08:52 PM)
_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#306772 - 10/17/09 02:22 AM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: petercorbett]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Hey Peter,

I'm so very sorry you had that experience and at this point in your life and career of service. So many of us have had the experience of sharing something or wanting to share something with someone, only to have it go wrong, not be received in an understanding way that it does cross all orientation lines. It's not just an orientation that can unexpectedly turn someone away as we all certainly know here.

I hope you do tell this person your truth at some point and rid yourself of someone who for whatever the reason doesn't seem ready to be part of your future...which is a shame for him, not you. He's certainly losing far more than you.

lots of support,

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#306847 - 10/17/09 05:27 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: sono]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I think its so unfortunate that the military has this policy. I served myself (in the Canadian forces) and looking back I can't comprehend why someone's sexuality should even be an issue. With everyone dressed in the same in drab green and being too dead tired to even think about anything other than eating and sleeping why sex or orientation should even be in the picture. I would also add that my personal experience as a survivor made me a good soldier. Being able to withstand the adversity of abuse prepared me for the rigours of the military, if this makes any sense. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#306860 - 10/17/09 07:27 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: petercorbett]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
pete, i love you brother. i feel so greatly cherished in your presence. there are few places to go where that is true. you are a good loving man and i so deeply appreciate [and desperately need] you and your special heart.

thanks for showing a jesus heart for me and all the gay brothers.

((((( pete ~ big and small )))))

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#306862 - 10/17/09 07:51 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: jls]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
Part of my overseas orientation class had an instructor that raised this issue. I was informed that the brass knew there was a lot of same-sex sex going on and we were advised to use a rubber.

I also took a college class while in the military called "The History of Western Civilization." I am in no way agreeing with anything about greek society. But to make any arguement that your sexual orientation has anything to do with your capabilities as a soldier serving your country is s2pid.

Turning Japanese (The Kinks ~or~ The Vapors)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#306865 - 10/17/09 08:09 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: 1islandboy]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I couldn't agree more. If sex is on the mind of anyone involved in a firefight then they should be discharged anyways, gay or straight.

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#306879 - 10/18/09 12:46 AM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: jls]
Matt0487 Offline


Registered: 05/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Houston, TX, USA
Pete, I hope that when you speak with your friend he will change his thoughts on the issue. I know many people who I have known, personally used to say many homophobic things. After they saw that I was a great person and not someone that they could stereotype, their words started to change.

Don't ask Don't Tell is a stupid way that the Republican party manipulates the Christian vote. I wish that Republicans would cater to us gays more and that Democrats could learn how to cater to Christians without compromising on our rights. I still think that talking to your friend may change his thoughts, but it may not. If it doesn't, you are amazing, powerful and strong. You are a dear friend and I am proud to know you!

Matt- WOR Kempenfelt Alumni 2009
Advanced WOR Alta Aluni 2009


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#306902 - 10/18/09 08:23 AM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: petercorbett]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Ohhh, shit Pete... cry

(((Pete)))

It never ceases to amaze me how strong you are!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#306908 - 10/18/09 11:46 AM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: Geeders]
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
love is the answer

hate is part of life

but love wins over hate

unfortunately sometimes people hurt or kill due to hate

MJ

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#306936 - 10/18/09 03:18 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: michael Joseph]
Matt0487 Offline


Registered: 05/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Houston, TX, USA
Michael, I love your response!! Awesome. I want to put it as a facebook quote. Its soo true!

Matt- WOR Kempenfelt Alumni 2009
Advanced WOR Alta Alumni 2009


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#306937 - 10/18/09 03:19 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: Matt0487]
Matt0487 Offline


Registered: 05/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Houston, TX, USA
And Pete, I love you my Texas gay bro!

Matt- WOR Kempenfelt Alumni 2009
Advanced WOR Alta Alumni 2009


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#306953 - 10/18/09 05:20 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: Matt0487]
Tinman Offline


Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 359
Loc: Lake Forest, CA
Pete,

I served also. And I get a secret joy out of knowing that I have medals and an honorable discharge. Because I am gay.

I love my country. I served it. And I would do it again.

Several countries allow gays to serve with no problem. When will America realize that we are as loyal and willing to serve as anyone else?

I salute you, my fellow soldier!

SH1 Paul Grobaty, USN

_________________________
Tinman
"I finally have my heart!"

To the perps: Don't worry about me coming after you. But you damn well better watch out for God! "Vengeance is mine", saith the Lord

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#306967 - 10/18/09 07:00 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: Tinman]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Pete, sorry to hear about your friend and his comments. I hope he changes his tune.

I would like to say THANK YOU to all that have served this great country. Without your service, we wouldn't have what we have today.


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#307093 - 10/19/09 11:26 AM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: nevragan]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Pete.

I am so sorry you heard this message from a trusted person in your life.

I am thrilled at the strength you demonstrate as you listen to the message he gave you. The attitude is changing although slowly.

I left service when I was 17 due to the "don't ask don't tell" policy as the policy and the strong feelings I had for one of the platoon leaders.

Peace,
DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#307176 - 10/19/09 08:38 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: DJsport]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
DJ,

That is exactly one of the reasons this is so unfair. Some are forced out and others are not. Because of my prior history, it happened to be the perfect time and place to "ask the question."

Looking back, I just wish, I wasn't carrying so much emotional baggage...for the person I was seeing...didn't have a chance in the loving lasting relationship category.

Honorable with Medals...nuff said.

Sorry, for getting off topic...still s2pid


Rooster (Alice in Chains)

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#308485 - 10/28/09 11:38 PM . [Re: 1islandboy]
GoFigure12 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 72
Loc: USA
.


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#308498 - 10/29/09 03:21 AM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: GoFigure12]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
Go Figure,

I was a lower enlisted service member and I can assure there was a much different tone in some barracks as apposed to others.

You are entitled to your own opinion...but I doubt you've seen a lot of pink bellies or blanket parties in your time. frown

Everything always looks good on paper...

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#308520 - 10/29/09 11:44 AM . [Re: 1islandboy]
GoFigure12 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 72
Loc: USA
.


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#308546 - 10/29/09 04:00 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: GoFigure12]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Originally Posted By: GoFigure12

Don't ask don't tell allowed for a compromise within the ranks; neither side got everything it wanted, but both sides got enough of what they needed to allow them to get back to their real jobs of defending the country.


There was NO compromise amongst individuals. There was a political compromise amongst the leadership probably between the President (Clinton) and the JCofStaff.

My dad who started military service nearly 50 years ago was NEVER happpy and I after reflecting on my life with him that he was never able to be in LOVE with the men he served with. Called it whatever but there was a level of severe fear for ones life and future in the military if any touch happened or talk of touch.

For me, when I entered service nearly 30 years ago I knew when I fell in love (my buddy withdrew) I did NOT have to endure the silence my father did but, there was a cost to my future. I endured many moves and an unstable life living with my father as he had to move around alot due to his level of trust with other service members. I understand now why.

Bigotry falls apart with NO support. Hatred and discrimination grow with continued support. Policy or rules from the leaders mandate support. Therefore change the support - due away with the DADT policy - and bigotry with change.

I was raped after one of these blanket parties and the leaders who had to uphold the DADT policy asked me to leave service. The policy begets or smells like bigotry.

To be honest, I am too old for any military service now so the inpact of this me is almost none but, for the future men and women I offer my perspective.

My heartfelt opinion,

DJ



Edited by DJsport (10/29/09 04:09 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#308553 - 10/29/09 07:57 PM . [Re: DJsport]
GoFigure12 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 09/22/06
Posts: 72
Loc: USA
.


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#308554 - 10/29/09 08:06 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: GoFigure12]
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
GoFigure,

Your post here ignores the fact that in 1948, President Truman ordered the military to desegregate. I believe that was almost 20 years BEFORE the Civil Rights Acts in America at large.

DADT has been a disaster. Observe the NCIS report from Okinawa from a few years ago where the IG found Marine commanders had routinely been violating the law. How about the recent tragedy of Matt Rocha, who was forced out because of his rape in Bahrain?

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#308562 - 10/29/09 08:57 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: GoFigure12]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 858
Loc: washington
Go Figure,

First of all, I want extend my respect that you worked your way up through the lower enlisted ranks.

I don't think, I am not trying to nitpick your comments apart (even though, I am sure, that it can be percieved as that).

You are right in the fact that I have learned to show my feelings...as this is part of my recovery process.

I try to keep an open mind and am always trying to work on humility when expressing my views.

I try to avoid absolutes and have been known to change my mind from time to time...I guess what I am trying to say is...I realise I don't have everything figured out.

So hopefully, you can help me use logic, to figure this one out.

You know as well as I do...that you can inflict a lot of pain (torture a person by giving them a pink belly).

I have seen this happen and I have seen people crack into little pieces of incomprehensible demoralization. (I don't think this helps form a cohesive unit). People tend to come up missing...when there is hate and discontent in the ranks...

I think, we are both in agreement that this is against policy.

I am just trying to figure out...How a person informs their superiors...that things like this are happening...and at the same time...not tell them...???



Your thoughts are appreciated...!!!

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#308563 - 10/29/09 08:57 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: LN3(SS)]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
oops....

Welcome exchange of ideas and respectful acceptance of opinions has stopped so I am out of here.

DJ





Edited by DJsport (10/29/09 10:12 PM)
_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#308606 - 10/30/09 04:47 AM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: DJsport]
myboyhoodfears Offline


Registered: 03/13/09
Posts: 457
there was this st8 boy in boot camp who could not stand boot-camp....he was like 20 years old.

i remember scrubbing floors with him when he told me he was going to say he was gay in order to get out, he did not know about my sexuality,....

i thought bootcamp was like summer camp.....i stayed in....and this st8 boy did nothing but cry about how hard it was....that he was going to use "I'm gay" as a "get out of boot-camp free" card...wtf....

yeah uhh right,...gays are not who this military should be concerned about.

_________________________
Post Nubilia Pheobus

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#309898 - 11/10/09 03:20 PM Re: Don't Ask & Don't tell. One persons story. [Re: myboyhoodfears]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
This report says it all.

This mans livelyhood/career/identity was jeopardized by this policy - it is clear.

THis has to change.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/11/10/vif2.dont.ask.dont.tell/index.html

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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