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#306141 - 10/12/09 03:04 PM Not all about DID is awful
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
i wanted to share something funny that happened last night. grin

i was sitting in front of my computer and my roommate was taking a nap. she woke up and was wondering around the place looking for something. after a while she gave up, came in and asked me if i had seen her slippers, so i replied nope. she said 'oh, ok' and kept on looking. after a short while she comes back and asks again if i'm sure i havent seen them or taken them, so i say nooo...why would i take them?? (side-note: her slippers are pink, fuzzy and have rabbit ears) ... then i 'felt' i knew where they were.... i went straight to my backpack and there they were! one of the littles thought they were toys and hid them so we could keep them smirk

i was like sooo embarrassed but she thought it was a joke and was laughing so it was ok.


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#306143 - 10/12/09 03:39 PM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
DJsport Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 1742
Hi, Daniel.

This is so funny!!!!

I needed the laugh so Daniel thanks for sharing. I am laughing with you. I know DID is useful NOT aweful.

DJ

_________________________
Live to your fullest potential

Never make someone a priority if your only an option

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#306236 - 10/12/09 10:12 PM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: DJsport]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6811
Loc: USA
That's a cool post, Daniel.

I admire your ability to laugh in a situation. Did she laugh also? laugh

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#306254 - 10/13/09 01:33 AM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: pufferfish]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
oh yeah lol, i was embarrassed and SHE was laughin


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#306278 - 10/13/09 07:13 AM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
LilacLouie Offline


Registered: 07/02/09
Posts: 359
Loc: Utah
Oh man! Sounds like the slippers I want to get!


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#306300 - 10/13/09 11:48 AM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: LilacLouie]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6811
Loc: USA
In his book Breaking Free, My Life With Dissociative Identity Disorder, Herschel Walker talks about having alters for special functions. He was a star athlete and football player. He had at least one alter for doing heroic stuff in football and track. When the time came when he needed "it" he would switch to that alter and perform heroically.

I used to be a college teacher. When teaching I had alternate personalities (alters) for teaching. The way it worked for me was that when giving a lecture, I would "become" a famous scientist who had a weekly program on the educational TV channel. Another way to say that is that I generated an alter who would deliver my lectures. What was really interesting and maybe kind of funny, is that I was given a compliment on my teaching by the wife of another teacher. She told me: "Oh, you sound just like _____". Of course I didn't tell her what was happening. In fact I didn't understand within myself what was going on at that time of my life. I just felt myself to be a very tiny little person who would give boring lectures if I did it on my own.

I had several of these teaching alters. Another one was "becoming" another teacher I knew in that school who was dynamic but not famous, and still another was a local doctor who delivered effective messages on how the human body worked in sickness and health.

I also had music-playing alters. When playing my instrument in the orchestra, I would "become" one of several famous players. The weird thing is that somehow this seemed to work so well. Wasn't I really the one doing it? Why did I actually become a better player by having a special "alter" to do the job? Within myself I saw that I was a "worm" who couldn't really do anything so I generated these alters to do my stuff for me.

Maybe this is why I'm "pufferfish"! lol laugh

Allen

pufferfish whistle




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#306307 - 10/13/09 12:34 PM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: pufferfish]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
i read your post over and over again pufferfish thnxs for posting this . so it looks possible

Oh woah! i realized that's how it worked in school too.. it wasnt an easy time, going to HS, working and dealing with all the crap but there were like 3 of them who did it reasonable ok in school
one of them got us into the football team

we have some weirdos ..we have one who loves biology i find his notes all over and he writes really hard stuff i have no clue what it means.. i have others that like languges and read in languages i have never learnt.. i have other one who loves to paint and his paintings are really pro stuff... it's very odd to accept they are 'me' (charles/daniel, front)well actually they aren't.. cuz just as u say, i think i'm really stupid and can't do anything


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#306308 - 10/13/09 12:37 PM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: pufferfish]
sono Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/19/09
Posts: 1069
Pufferfish and Daniel,

I really think it's great the way the two of you have shared these experiences with here in this post and your "who is" post Daniel and the one you made Puffer to a wife on the F&F forum.

I have a question Puffer...you remember all of this with your teaching. Does that mean you always did? Were "you" aware that "you" were teaching albeit "as" someone else? I guess I'm asking because what you're describing seems so normal to me, I could have written your post here although with rather different specifics of course. Please don't get my question wrong OK? I'm not questioning the severity of what you describe at all and I know you've had many more extreme cases in all of this. I just want to understand what you're talking about here better.

sono

_________________________
the family
the perp

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#306401 - 10/14/09 01:24 AM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: sono]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6811
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: sono

I have a question Puffer...you remember all of this with your teaching. Does that mean you always did? Were "you" aware that "you" were teaching albeit "as" someone else?


sono,
Yes I knew that I was "being" someone else while I was teaching and playing my music instrument. But no, I didn't have insight about the "why" and my history of CSA when I was teaching. That came about much later. I actually didn't know that I "hurt" so much worse than most other people. I had always been like that.

I didn't have complete amnesia toward teaching and what went on there. I had to remember the factual content of what I was teaching. That material was available to the other teaching alters.

Visualize the toy balloons that guys in the circus blow up and make into little animals and such. The balloons can be either squeezed tight, blocking air flow between the balloons, or they can be partially open, allowing air to pass between the different parts of the balloon. The balloon squeezed tight is like heavy amnesia where the main alter has almost no memory of what's beyond. The partially open balloon parts are like the partial amnesia that allows only selected information to pass. Does this make any sense?

DIDs can have all different levels of amnesia between alters. I had a "main" alter who was present most of the time (I think this is true but I'm not absolutely sure of it). He had really bad self esteem and was habitually depressed and a lot of PTSD types of problems. He kind of pulled up these teaching alters. It didn't happen suddenly. There was a time lag until it was figured out how to do it in teaching. I had to invent these alters when I was teaching. I knew basically how to do that because of early abuse at age 4 etc when a child's personality has not solidified and it's relatively easy to form DID. I think I also had a "social" alter, who wasn't very effective. He would just get real tense to try to block the PTSD and try to be congenial with other people.

There was a lot of pain, anxiety, depression, and social isolation in that "main" alter.

Originally Posted By: sono

I guess I'm asking because what you're describing seems so normal to me, I could have written your post here although with rather different specifics of course. Please don't get my question wrong OK? I'm not questioning the severity of what you describe at all and I know you've had many more extreme cases in all of this. I just want to understand what you're talking about here better.
sono


DIDs have a heavy amnesia blocking the alters that "bear" the abuse. That is their purpose. They carry the abuse feelings and responses and their purpose is to deal with abuse and keep it shielded from the other alters. Otherwise the abuse on a very young child would be too much to bear.

When my amnesia "popped" (picture the balloons) then it was very traumatic. It happened without supervision of a T and I kind of did it myself (no pun intended). Then suddenly I was flooded with all kinds of knowledge about abuse I had experienced at age 12 in the scout camp (I was still unaware of abuse I experienced at ages earlier than 10). The PTSD got much, much worse after the amnesia broke. All the symptoms got (temporarily) much, much worse: Anxiety, depression, isolation. I realized that I was really 12 years old. I had my childhood nickname Buzzy. Or, to put it another way, I became aware that I had a 12 year old alter who was actually my real main personality. I wanted to be that 12 year old kid and that's who I thought I really was. (refer to pufferfish story part 5). That 12-y-o alter, Buzzy, had been thoroughly quelled by the horrific abuse at the scout camp. Now he was alive again (so to speak). Well, I could no longer bring up the teaching alters (the 12-y-o either didn't want to or didn't know how to). After a few years I lost my teaching job. The 12-year-old didn't want to teach anyway. So I got into a real big mess of trouble.

I was seeing a T when the bubble burst. He didn't have any suspicion that I had DID. If he had, he should have moved in a much different way with me. So I changed to a T who had experience with PTSD. That helped a lot. Then I skipped a year and got a T who was experienced in DID. With him I drew diagrams and worked on child alters, etc.

But I need to break this off and finish it some other time.

Allen

pufferfish whistle







Edited by pufferfish (10/14/09 11:55 AM)
Edit Reason: lots of changes to paragraph on amnesia breaking

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#306456 - 10/14/09 01:13 PM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: pufferfish]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
thnx for the explaining pufferfish. u dont imagine how great it is.
it happened like that for us too. 'daniel', the front for like 3 years didn't know anything and it was very hard time when he found out. another hard time is now, accepting neither him or me (charles) is the 'original'. but 'original' is 3 years old and can't speak. we know original name now, and original birthday. (that's why we changed profile bday date from Feb to Oct, that's what birth records say about the body) so... technically body is 18 years old and bday is close :S but we, front is 19 years old, almost 20.. well we have biggest issues to worry about.

we have no T atm... gotta get the papers and records done .. money is tight... we're not completely legal rite now.. lot of confusing stuff..

i'm amazed it worket similar for you.. daniel and few others were amnesic about everything for some time.. some still are.. there's a lot we don't know working with T will help us understand not all people is like this. we only wish they respect if someone decides they dont want to know

there are new ones. we knoe some new ones came last few months. i cant say more for now.

i'm sorry this was supposed to be the 'not awful' thread frown


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#306528 - 10/15/09 12:43 AM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6811
Loc: USA
The thread may have drifted, but I guess that's OK.

It's helped me to talk about it. I've been in denial about DID and that wasn't particularly helpful. I've undergone a lot of healing and I think I'm at least 90% unified. I hope to come up with the notes and diagrams I made when I was in therapy for DID. I'll post them when I find them.

Allen

pufferfish


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#309319 - 11/04/09 05:11 PM Re: Not all about DID is awful [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6811
Loc: USA
I've been listening to the music of Gustav Mahler. I love the music.

Today it occurred to me for the first time that Mahler must have had DID. He has several main themes going on at the same time. Sometimes they can be in contrast to each other. And then suddenly a new main theme will start in. It may be of total contrast to the preceding one.

I recently watched a dvd (through Netflix) about Mahler. It was done by Leonard Bernstein. It's called the Little Drummer Boy. In Mahler's music there is always the little drummer boy. Remember the "inner child"? In Mahler's first symphony he has the child's tune (pardon my French) Freir Jacker going on and then a funeral march starts up. Very DID stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWvej9xn12g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r86BBMrlUfc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIBFLGe-0s8

Allen

pufferfish whistle




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