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#306091 - 10/12/09 01:12 AM Was it sexual abuse?
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I am asking this question not because I am questioning the actual events that occured when I was a teenager. Rather, I often wonder if my dad's actions towards me and my siblings following my mom leaving him for another woman would also qualify. From the time I was twelve I was bombarded with unwelcome comments from him, which were supported by family members on his side, about my mother's sexuality, namely calling her a homo and a faggot, and saying to me that if I supported her then I was just the same in his eyes. Anyways when I left home because of this, and because of his physical violence toward me, I can't help but blame him a little bit for the subsequent sexual abuse that happened to me on the streets. Call it completing the circle, so to speak.

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Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#306093 - 10/12/09 01:19 AM Re: Was it sexual abuse? [Re: jls]
Jaifian Offline


Registered: 05/26/09
Posts: 220
Loc: washington state, USA
I do think it's very abusive to trash talk a child's natural parent/s. I got a bit of both from my parents who divorced when I was two and it's a hell of thing to put on a kid.

I went through some of that myself. I wouldn't say it's sexual abuse but I would say it's abuse.



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#306097 - 10/12/09 01:36 AM Re: Was it sexual abuse? [Re: Jaifian]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
Hi Jaiffian,

Thanks for your input. I asked if people would consider it a form of sexual abuse given the aspect of sexuality that was involved in my parent's parting, and how my dad used it to control us in light of his homophobia. Perhaps it wasn't, except to say when the sa was happening on the streets I went thru a crisis of confidence by way of hating what those men did to me despite trying to reconcile my support for my mother being lesbian and in a same sex relationship at the same time. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#306098 - 10/12/09 01:44 AM Re: Was it sexual abuse? [Re: jls]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
i only know that every case is different and one can't put a label on it. SA is already defined ..somewhere.. but who knows? what you say makes sense, at least for me.

well it was abuse anyways, i'm sorry your father failed at protecting you and pushed you to it. he's to blame too i think.


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#306101 - 10/12/09 01:55 AM Re: Was it sexual abuse? [Re: Daniel_forgotten]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
He is definately to blame, although in my own mind I have let him off the hook for so many years. Rightly or wrongly I excuse his behaviour back then. Looking at it then, as an adult I see him then as someone completely out of his element, being raised Catholic with four children and a wife of 14 years who is suddenly leaving him because she is a lesbian I mean. In this way I can empathize with his confusion and pain. However, there is another part of me that gets angry and says there is no excuse for abuse, especially when he put his own needs first and foremost above the rest of us. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#306107 - 10/12/09 08:27 AM Re: Was it sexual abuse? [Re: jls]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Hi JLS:

There is no doubt at all in my mind that your Dad's behaviour toward you following the breakup was abusive. He attempted to instill hate in you. Not only hate of your Mum for what she did to him, but also hate toward an entire constituency of people who simply lead a different life from that which he envisions is the only viable choice. To force a son to choose between parents, absent of any specific issues, based on a perceived injustice one parent feel toward the other is cruel and is clearly meeting a father's need, and not a son's.

Instilling hate is a crime. I think its out in Winterpeg where those parents had swastikas on the kids. The authorities have intervened I believe. Using kids to propogate hate toward one individual, or even a whole class of people just shows how low some people will go, regardless of the effect, to achieve whatever they seem to feel they need to.

This probably hasn't helped you one little bit. I'm sorry for that. But if it helps bring some clarity to a sitution where you have been used and abused, well.....

Jim

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My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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