I am very sorry about what you go through in these situations. I back you 100% in your desire not to be hurt by others who attempt to force you to do something that causes you pain. The next time this happens I say do what your heart tells you. You have every right to do what feels right for you. It's your body and you call the shots when you will smile or won't smile. It sounds like these situations are a microcosm of abuse for you. I can relate to that feeling.
Whenever I'm out walking and I notice someone staring at me, lately I've been staring back at them until they look away. I feel that they are violating me somehow just by staring at me for so long. But some people seem like they're transfixed in their staring and they don't look away, and they don't give a rats a#% either, they make eye contact with me and still continue to stare. It's infuriating to me. That's when I feel like saying, "What the he#$ are you looking at." or giving them some hand gesture that would let them know what I think about their staring at me, but I never do. One of these days I just might do that though. It would be staying true to myself if I did do that, and defending that hurt child inside of me.
Thank you so much for this insightful post,
Edited by Casmir213 (10/08/09 11:04 PM)
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.
WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009
My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.