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#305520 - 10/07/09 03:52 PM Smile
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 437
Loc: Colorado
I had to explain to someone again about the dangers of these requests of me and what it really does when they force that of me to smile.

They relentlessly were trying to get me to respond to their actions and eventually it forced me to smile which immediatly was followed by crying. It causes me an immense amount of hurt.... I feel manipulated, my body controlled by someone else against my will. It feels awful for me. I don't want to smile, I don't like to smile. I don't like to act happy for others, to give anyone a second of gratification at my expense. I have to go through too much pain all the time.

Everybody wants the people around them to appear happy so much of the time and they don't see how that can be hurtful or how selfish it might be of them to want the happy appearance of their world declare war on the reality of mine. When it comes to me, I can only smile and not feel bad about it when it is natural. It might be a rare sight to see me smile but it does happen, when I feel safe, when I try to watch a movie or something where I expect to smile, when it just happens but never by force.

_________________________
Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

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#305567 - 10/07/09 10:14 PM Re: Smile [Re: usmc97]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2573
Quote:
Everybody wants the people around them to appear happy so much of the time and they don't see how that can be hurtful or how selfish it might be of them to want the happy appearance of their world declare war on the reality of mine.


That statement is 100% my mother when I was growing up. To the point where we weren't allowed to voice our opinions if they differed from hers. We weren't allowed to disagree. If we did, she'd quote>

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#305569 - 10/07/09 10:30 PM Re: Smile [Re: JustScott]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6843
Loc: USA
I'm in sympathy with this sentiment.

It always bothered me a lot when a congregation sang the song: There's a Sweet, Sweet Expression On Each Face. As I sat there in a black depression. Was I the only one?

Allen

pufferfish whistle


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#305675 - 10/08/09 09:55 PM Re: Smile [Re: pufferfish]
Casmir213 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/14/09
Posts: 845
Loc: Northeast, USA
USMC97,

I am very sorry about what you go through in these situations. I back you 100% in your desire not to be hurt by others who attempt to force you to do something that causes you pain. The next time this happens I say do what your heart tells you. You have every right to do what feels right for you. It's your body and you call the shots when you will smile or won't smile. It sounds like these situations are a microcosm of abuse for you. I can relate to that feeling.

Whenever I'm out walking and I notice someone staring at me, lately I've been staring back at them until they look away. I feel that they are violating me somehow just by staring at me for so long. But some people seem like they're transfixed in their staring and they don't look away, and they don't give a rats a#% either, they make eye contact with me and still continue to stare. It's infuriating to me. That's when I feel like saying, "What the he#$ are you looking at." or giving them some hand gesture that would let them know what I think about their staring at me, but I never do. One of these days I just might do that though. It would be staying true to myself if I did do that, and defending that hurt child inside of me.

Thank you so much for this insightful post,

Rocco



Edited by Casmir213 (10/08/09 11:04 PM)
_________________________
I see recovery as a lifelong journey rather than a final destination, a journey, though, which can have many successes along the way.

WoR Alumnus - Hope Springs, OH, October 2009

My avatar is the farmhouse at the Hope Spring, OH WoR. It's a nice place.

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#305767 - 10/09/09 12:03 PM Re: Smile [Re: Casmir213]
alan55 Offline


Registered: 08/19/09
Posts: 202
Loc: Seattle, WA
USMC97 -
I understand about feeling like you are forced to do something to please others. Isn't that why we are all here anyway? We were forced by someone to do something we didn't want to do. Something to try is to see if you can let them know you do not feel like "smiling" just now. You do not need to offer an explanation. As someone else said here - "its your body and you do not need to allow anyone to tell you how to feel" or something like that. But the idea is, take ownership of how you feel and don't allow that other individual to dictate to you. That's emotional blackmail and they do not get to do that to you. Believe me, this took many years to learn on my part.


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