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#304963 - 10/02/09 12:04 PM liberating moment
Whatever Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/17/09
Posts: 62
Loc: Ontario, Canada
As anyone who has read any of my posts knows, I have mommy issues. She was not the perp (that wonderful title goes to my dad... and my sister [edit: wow. first time I have mentioned my sister abusing me]), but I still blame her for not protecting me. Yes, this may not be right, but the feelings are still there. It also hurts that she does not believe a word I say. Actually, the part that hurts most is the not believing me part.

This summer, she decided I should move out of home. I mean I wanted to as well but she even gave me a deadline to be out of the house. She decided then that her husband is more important than her children. Well, anyway, I could go on and on with many reasons I have issues with her. But that is not quite the point of my post today.

A couple days ago she came to my new place. She is trying to be friendly and kind of like a mom to me. I was not having it and made it clear I wanted her to leave. Some of you may think I am being mean about it. But I think it was very liberating for me. For the first time, I told my mom to get lost because she hurt me and I will not allow her to do it anymore. Not in those exact words, but she got the point, I hope.

I made it clear that I have no interest in associating myself with that family anymore. I now have no family. Just the way I like it (well, ok it sucks but that is the way it is).

Some people, myself included, may wonder if this is good or bad. Yes, she is my mom. I only have one. Blah blah blah.

But I think this is a step forward for me. Finally I have let her know how much she hurt me and I will not take that shit anymore from her. While she was not the one that abused me, I still hold her partially responsible. Until she can recognize that, she has no place in my life. Period.

For some reason, I have been a bit happier (just a bit) since telling her to leave. As she left she said, "I love you anyway". To which I replied, you guessed it, "whatever".

Fuck you mom. Fuck you dad. Fuck you <sister's name>. From now on it's just me and my dog. You guys have a nice life. You deserve each other and I hope you live long, miserable lives together.

Booyah!



Edited by Whatever (10/02/09 12:05 PM)
_________________________
"Trying is the first step to failure"
-Quote by Homer J. Simpson - World's greatest dad

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#304966 - 10/02/09 12:22 PM Re: liberating moment [Re: Whatever]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
what a powerful post and a powerful statement. you have reclaimed your life, and no longer allow them to hold sway over you.

Quote:
You deserve each other and I hope you live long, miserable lives together


unfortunately for them, you will probably see this come to pass. on the other hand, fortunately for you, since they have decided you don't fit into the family portrait, you have a chance at happiness without them dangling threats of abandonment in front of your face. you are surviving without them or their conditional support. and you will continue to thrive outside the parenthesis of their type of 'love'.

thanks for the progress report. does my heart a world of good to know.

all the best,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#305126 - 10/04/09 03:27 AM Re: liberating moment [Re: Sans Logos]
michael banks Offline


Registered: 06/12/08
Posts: 1755
Loc: Mojave Desert, Ca
Whatever,

Sometimes the best family is the one whom we choose for ourselves.
You have a right to your boundaries. No matter who no mattwer what.
My boundary with my family is three thousand miles thick. They live on the east coast and I am on the west coast.

Mike

_________________________
To own one's shadow is the highest moral act of a human.
-Robert Johnson-

"IT ought never be forgotten that the past is the parent of the future" John C. Calhoun

WOR Alumni Sequoia 2009

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#305133 - 10/04/09 05:57 AM Re: liberating moment [Re: michael banks]
Sans Logos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/31/03
Posts: 5791
Loc: in my own world in pittsburgh,...
Quote:
My boundary with my family is three thousand miles thick


that's pretty damned thick!

laugh

you make me smile real big inside buddy,

ron

_________________________
  1. the past
  2. ReClaiming Now
  3. advocacy


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#305192 - 10/04/09 05:40 PM Re: liberating moment [Re: Sans Logos]
nevragan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/22/08
Posts: 907
Loc: NC
Whatever,
I think you did the right thing by telling them to get lost. They might come back around after a while if you stand your ground. My mom did. The difference of then and now is like night and day. She has been doing some thinking of how to help me rather than how to blame me. Here and there I still every once and a while have to let her know where I stand on a subject. I have a dog also. Out of all the people I know, the dog is the easiest to get along with, never complains. As far as family, it takes time to get used to but you don't need to be close to them if they are toxic people. All of my family is in Colorado and I'm all by myself in NC with friends. Wish you best of luck.


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#305894 - 10/10/09 08:00 PM Re: liberating moment [Re: Whatever]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Not sure who said this, but it works.
Friends (I'll include dogs too) are God's apologies for families.

Greetings from the Kawarthas!

BTW I LOVE your avatar!

Jim

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My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#305932 - 10/10/09 11:52 PM Re: liberating moment [Re: Geeders]
Freedom49 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/07
Posts: 2723
Loc: Washington State
Jim that was an quote I saw in a newpaper from someone called anonymous. I liked it. It fit.


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#305986 - 10/11/09 11:04 AM Re: liberating moment [Re: Freedom49]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Thanks Rog. I knew I had seen it somewhere!

Jim

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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