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#305817 - 10/09/09 09:28 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: honey girl]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 859
Loc: washington
Dangal,

Why is pain...the price of admission...???

The lunacy of skating the thin ice and fearing everything is falling to pieces.

Out of the ashes, they came carrying life perservers.

They fell to the ground and wept. Their courage to persevere against great odds, gave way to new meaning.

no one, asked them for a ticket.


My Carousel (Finger Eleven..."The Greyest of Blue Skies")

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#305977 - 10/11/09 08:02 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: honey girl]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Thanks. I guess what has stopped me is that it's a small group and across from me are 2 dudes who really don't seem to care about me and my crying and I feel so dang weak when I cry. I have always had this hang up with crying. I hate it. AND of course, I have to be one of those types that will cry when someone thinks badly of me or looks crossed eyed at me so it's really not fun. I don't enjoy feeling or looking all girly weak with these guys staring at me, I didn't think about guys being in my group at all. It kinda threw me at first. My husband goes to therapy at a place that specializes in men only who have been abused. This is a spouses group run through them. I figued it would be all inclusive to the facility but clearly, it's not. It never crossed my mind that I could be dealing with this with men, so I've still have really processed it fully yet. Not that I can't talk to men, I do it here all the time, and I adore you guys. I don't know what it is exactly. I will work it out over time.
What I do know is that this year has been an awful one for me and I'm not just dealing with pain from being married to the man I'm married too. Don't get me wrong, He's a big ole slice of it but my son got very ill in april and was taken to childrens hospital in seattle where he spent over a week before they could find the right antibodic to kill the infection that was taking over the bone in his head. He was released with a PICC line so that I could take care of him round the clock, give him infusions every 4 hours. We were not home 10 hours when my mom passed away unexpectedly. My son didn't get better after 3 month of the infusions a MRI showed that the infection was not gone but had taken over his bone and his disingrated it. Back in the hospital to have the bones removed and he stayed with that PICC line for another month to keep the infection from spreading to his brain. All from some rare bug, which I ended up getting a mild form of, I was sick for weeks with a horrible ear infection that they couldn't clear up. I feel like I've been beat down, I've lost my friend in my mom, she was such a support in all the stuff with my husband and it's just really taken a huge toll on me. Medical bills, we are a sales commission family in this economy...you get the idea. It's I'm going to go the doctors on monday and ask for something for depression as I'm just not me after all of this.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#305978 - 10/11/09 08:32 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: dangal]
givemestrength Offline


Registered: 10/11/09
Posts: 26
Hi Jen, I'm only new here so I hope you don't mind be butting in here and responding to your post.
I felt very sad as I read about your struggles over the past twelve months. I think you are a lot stronger, braver and resilient than it sounds like you give yourself credit for. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum passing away. To lose such a significant support person must have been truly devastating especially at a time when your son was sick. Loosing someone close to you is hard enough when you don't have an ill child and aren't living with a survivor.
Good on you for sticking with your group. I think your incredibly brave for even fronting up to a group like that. I think the most important thing is to do things in your own time. If you aren't comfortable opening up to these people straight away and letting them see you cry I think that's ok because to be fair you don't know them all that well and it takes time to trust people in a situation where you are divulging personal stuff. Conversely if you need to cry and can know longer hold it in then cry...hopefully the faciliatator and other members have enough compassion and understanding to make you feel ok about sharing how you truly are feeling....afterall your all there for common reasons.
I know you said you feel beaten down and I've only had a glimpse into your situation but you sound like you've had A LOT to deal with recently.
Again I'm so so sorry and saddend to hear of the passing of your mum. I hope that your son is doing better and your ear infection has started to clear up.
You sound like an amazing person who has the strength to juggle many complicated problems at once...

Hope things start looking up for you.
Be kind to yourself


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#305983 - 10/11/09 10:21 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: givemestrength]
1islandboy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/23/08
Posts: 859
Loc: washington
(((((~Jen~)))))

island

_________________________
Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine ~ M.F. Fernandez

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#306016 - 10/11/09 05:34 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: 1islandboy]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Originally Posted By: 1islandboy
(((((~Jen~)))))

island


what ^^^ he ^^^ said... smile

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#306191 - 10/12/09 08:15 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: WalkingSouth]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
gms~thanks for the kind words. It means a lot to me. I think that I'm just not starting to deal with everything that has happened and that is why I'm just now starting to crash. I had a lot of strength for so long and now I just feel so wasted all the time. I feel like I can't take one more dang thing and then of course, one more thing happens.
I went to our doctor today, a dear friend took me, it's the only way that I've been able to drag myself in. He started me on something that should help me out. Hopefully I can start feeling better soon. I have not felt good for so long, he did find that my ear infection still was not gone 100 percent which could explain partly why I am so run down. He's got me on something for that as well. There was a time that I had to juggle so much, taking care of the family, doing these infusions, trying to plan a funeral, helping my dad with his pain, and I kept this up for so long that now even the smallest little things just seem so overwhelming to me. I can't seem to handle anything and it's awful. I am hopeful for some help now so I can keep being strong for my kids and husbnad. To Island and John....thanks for the hugs. They came at a perfect time. smile

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#306670 - 10/16/09 09:25 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: dangal]
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Jen,

Sorry to let so much time pass without replying to your longer de>
_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#306775 - 10/17/09 04:16 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: honey girl]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Thanks so much hg. I do have to let people in and let them help. DH does not know how to help me or to care for me the way I need to be cared for. Just a week after my mom's death I was in bed, couldn't move I was sleeping the day away, I didn't even know I was doing it. I finally called a friend to help me with the boys and she called another friend and they called hubby at work because little man still needed infusions and I was out of it, totally in grief and shut down.

Hubby came home to find these woman in our home, cleaning and cooking and trying to figure out what to do and he came into our bedroom and sat next to me and I was expecting my knight in shining armor to help me and told me I really had to buck up and pull myself together. Of course that went over well. I lost it. My friend came in and asked what he had said to me so I told her and I guess my girlfriends had a little sit down with him and told him that I needed time to deal with EVERYTHING that had happened to me and that my life had been turned upside down and I had just lost my mom and I needed some more time not to buck up, and his response was "she's had time." I guess he got a butt chewing.

He didn't get it. He does not get it. He's not an emotional person who can put himself in your shoes. He has shut himself off from feelings for so long that he honestly felt that a week was plenty long enough to deal with the loss of my mother. Wow. I'm still a mess. It's the hardest thing to lose a parent when you are so young. It's no good.
SOO yes, let someone in, let them give back to you my dear, i know you are worth it.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#308861 - 11/01/09 01:05 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: dangal]
morningperson Offline


Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 3
Hello, I don't know if you'll get this reply since it's been awhile since the last post. I'm in your group, sitting on the same couch. It was a surprise for me to see the men(husbands) too my first time. What i have observed is that each person's story & situation is unique in some ways while similar in others. wives will not have all the same issues, neither will husbands. There is opportunity in every person's advice. I would think that when the men see you so emotional & concerned, they see a loving wife with a healthy normal desire for emotional connection that they don't normally experience. Your sensitivity & depth of emotion is important to the group. It is hard for me to be emotional & my husband jokes I have no empathy because i am solution oriented rather than connection oriented. For reasons not related to SA i have controlled my emotions my whole life, I have to 'practice' opening up before coming in to our meetings, expressing anything other than positive emotions is very difficult for me. Ultimately i feel your sincerity and raw emotion is good for all of us. (ps-please don't use my real name as i prefer anonymity)


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#308991 - 11/02/09 03:57 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: morningperson]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Awwww, thanks for putting this up. I would never use your name, if you wanted that out there I would have figured you to have put hey, this is so and so, not the person on the same couch as you :)I'm so glad you are here. It's nice that you know how I'm feeling and how hard I'm fighting back tears the entire time. You seem so pulled together so I'm really thankfully that you told me about your emotions are hard to show. I'm lucky to have you in my group. Thanks for helping me through all of this stuff. See ya in a few days. I had a sick wee one last week and couldn't make it. I really need my tune up.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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