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#304754 - 09/30/09 03:38 PM support group tonight
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
I'll be going to my spouses group tonight. Last week I left with less hope then I walked in with. Most people there are ready to leave their spouses due to lack of things getting better after years and years. It's sad and I guess it was a reality check I was not ready for. Wish me luck as I walk back into another hour of the real world. Maybe it will be better tonight. I'm overwhelmed right now. My whole life is about being overwhelmed right now....it's hard.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#304780 - 09/30/09 08:52 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: dangal]
An Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/24/04
Posts: 151
Loc: usa
Wow Jen. I admire so much your courage and wisdom and how supportive you've been to all here.

you've a right and wonderful human-ness to be overwhelmed as overwhelming it is. and yes , it's hard. let us know how it goes and keep that amazing courage. It'll get you though to the light in the distance . what's there will get clearer as you get nearer to it....
Hope and Healing, An


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#304800 - 09/30/09 10:59 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: An]
Mike1968 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/14/09
Posts: 117
Loc: California
I'll keep you in my prayers. I admire your courage

If the group feels overall non productive, another group may be better suited


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#304804 - 09/30/09 11:11 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: Mike1968]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Jen,

Regardless of how it went please know you're in our thoughts and you have our support.

John

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#304883 - 10/01/09 05:53 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: WalkingSouth]
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Jen,

I hope you found the group helpful. Sometimes my own experiences of such activities suggest that it's better to look at meetings over time, rather than just assessing them on the basis of a visit or two. But then, I say this as a relative novice to any kind of recovery group participation, and also realizing that you might already know this! (or have a different set of criteria you want to apply)....

The short comment is that I am happy and inspired to see that you are reaching out. We cannot endure this journey alone--and I for one really appreciate your presence and support as we do our best to move forward!

Peace,
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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#305018 - 10/03/09 04:28 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: honey girl]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Hi all...I typed this so fast, running out the door....I had meant to say "last MONTH" not last week. These are suppose to be every other week groups but the therapist had something going on so she couldn't be there for the last one so it got dumped. Here's the funny thing, I'm sooo overwhelmed that I was off a week and I didn't need to be there till next wed. At first I got teary eyed. I was upset, embarrassed that I'm messed up this much that I can't even keep my weeks straight and I wasted so much time, energy and whatever else I had wasted. Then I decided I didn't care. I must have needed that extra hour of quiet time in the car, ALONE, to think and to just be. I needed daddy to do homework, to clean up after dinner and to deal with the kids fighting like mad before bed. Yes dear, I'm sorry they were really awful beasts that night but I honestly needed that mini recharge and if it came from my blonde moment, so be it.

Having said that, thanks for everyones kind words, I'll be back in a few days to read it before I rush out the door to my real group. You guys are awesome. THANK YOU.

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#305653 - 10/08/09 04:40 PM Re: support group tonight [Re: dangal]
dangal Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 222
Loc: seattle area
Sooo, went to my group last night. The heavy air that was there last time was gone. It was a lot better tonight, more good stories than bad. It was good. It's still hard, I mean none of this is easy. The one thing I'm stuggling with is this....
This is the first time in 19 years I've sat down and talked about anything around this outloud. Everyone else is all composed. I'm a freaking mess. I could cry the entire time. It takes everything I have to not bawl the entire hour and a half. I do cry but I stop myself from being a total blubbering fool. I think it's just been held in for so long. I mean, I could just ball up and lie on a couch and just howl and cry but I can't. That is how I feel while I'm there, and I wonder if I just did that if I wouldn't feel like that everytime. If I just got it out for a good twenty mintues! I don't know but I hate it. So much bottled up, so much pain. So much frustration. I think I scare them! smile

_________________________
~Jen~
Life is to short to blend in

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#305749 - 10/09/09 09:18 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: dangal]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
dangal,

not much time so will keep it short---

why not just let it out at group? I'm sure everyone there will understand. The pain will not come out unless you allow yourself a safe place to grieve. That may be in private, with one or two others, or in group. One way or another you need to grieve. Doing it in the company of good, kind, caring people may be just the ticket... Think about it.

_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#305750 - 10/09/09 09:32 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: WalkingSouth]
cstjude Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/04/08
Posts: 302
Loc: Canada
Hi Jen,

Yes, this is hard.

You don't scare them. They've been there. And, Jen, I think that the intensity of the grief and pain you are feeling might be frightening to you because it might feel so much like being out of control and that's intolerable because so much of our lives feels that way when we are involved with a survivor. Think of it as a damn bursting...there is a cataclysmic event with a great rush as the wall comes down but then the flow of the river reverts to its natural state in harmony with all around it. It's not longer bound up behind the damn being of use and service to everyone else on someone else's terms. Let it out, you'll be ok when its over and we will all be here to listen.

C.

_________________________
C.
Female, Friends & Family Forum Fan

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#305754 - 10/09/09 10:22 AM Re: support group tonight [Re: cstjude]
honey girl Offline
Member

Registered: 10/09/06
Posts: 245
Loc: Midwest US
Dear Jen,

It's OK to cry, even howl. You have a lot to cry about.
I am convinced that emotions are meant to be temporary conditions. They are still meaningful and important, but when we hold on to them they gain disproportionate intensity. At least that has been my interpretation to my own periods of delayed grieving. The tears really don't go on forever, as much as you think they could.
Now that you are there in a group, among people who know from their own painful experiences something about what you are going through, you can start to let that pain go.
Will it always be perfect? Will you find the support you need and want every time? Not necessarily. But you can gradually discover ways that work for you to deal with the horrible burden you have been carrying in silence and isolation for all this time.
I cried myself last night at my S-Anon group. I wasn't the only one. We all had much pain out, around the table. And one of the feelings I left with was admiration for all of us, in having the courage to go on.
You can do it, Jen. We are all pulling for you.

Peace,
HG

_________________________
I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger, a million miles away from home.

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