Let's see here. My dad, mom, sister, girlfriend, and now almost my job and my dog. I have lost all of these things this past summer. My mom did stop by today but I said yes when she asked if i wanted her to leave. I can't stand the bitch. She made her choice to support her child raping husband over her own children.

I am only working a part time, minimum wage job. I can't leave my shitty 1 bedroom apartment for more than 4 seconds before my dog starts going nuts (separation anxiety). I am getting nasty notes every day and my neighbours are complaining. My dog is the only thing that keeps me going. She is all I have.

I get shit on every single day at work because people just treat employees in the service industry that way. I know it's not personal or anything but it still makes me feel horrible. It's at the point now where one customer is going to say the wrong thing and BAM I will be fired for beating the shit out of them or something. I am very close to snapping every day (don't worry I would never hurt anyone im all talk).

The worst part is, I really don't care about any of this. I died a long time ago on the inside. None of this matters.

How am I supposed to care about a job when I can't go 1 minute without hurting. Speaking of which, I have to work in half an hour. Yay. I should be working full time but I am about to freak the F out working a few hours. I guess I am a loser because I should have a full time career by now. I'm almost 30 and can barely take care of myself. Pathetic.

OK there. Just had to complain to someone and this place, sadly, is the only outlet I have.

Have a nice day!

i despise what CSA and SA does to people!

sorry bro. i know a lot of folks who would not measure you by what you do or don't do. i'm sorry too that i can't give you anything but my compassion and empathy. i hope you see things differently tomorrow.

all the best,

ron

The good part is that you don't have to be like this forever. There is a way out of feeling like we don't care. It takes a lot of hard work to get there, but the rewards of success are great. I know that a lot of the problem recently has been all of the economic uncertainty, but my guess is that things are improving somewhat, and sometime soon you might be able to find a better job. Be thankful that you have a job, as many millions of people here south of the border are unemployed and can't find work. I grew-up in Detroit and Cleveland and I have experienced recession first-hand myself.

Hope to see you on here a little more often soon, and try to think of what is possible rather than what the past has cost us. You need to start addressing your shame issue, then you can begin working on your self-esteem. Hope that you are feeling a little better soon.

Mark

Whatever, regarding:
"... I can't leave my shitty 1 bedroom apartment for more than 4 seconds before my dog starts going nuts (separation anxiety). I am getting nasty notes every day and my neighbours are complaining. My dog is the only thing that keeps me going. She is all I have."
I normally wouldn't post in this section, as a female survivor and family/friend, but I wanted to suggest to check out "clicker training" solutions for separation anxiety for dogs, perhaps info online from behaviorists Karen Pryor or Ian Dunbar, or www.woofology.com. Tons of exercise before you leave, a very tired dog is a good dog, leave your doggie with a kong stuffed with her goodies or several hidden around the apartment to keep her busy when you leave. You can also practice leaving when you don't have to go to work, stand outside the door and come back in and reward her big time with food treats for quiet behavior. The minute she is quiet you come back in and reward. Then longer periods, it takes working on it- but dogs repeat behaviors that are rewarded, ignore the barking outside the door, no negative reinforcement. Let your neighbors know you're working on a solution. Best of luck. I know dogs are important and wouldn't want you to lose her.